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This marriage turning to dust maybe

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by BiPenguin, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. BiPenguin

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    I started going out with my wife in March 1995 and had our first child in 1997 and three others since(aged 17, 13, 11 & 10). All girls but a boy as the youngest.

    We have been through a lot together and I mean a lot with members of her family meddling to no end way back then. Meddling to the point that I discovered a plan to fabricate a story about child abuse to destroy our relationship and steal our children of which we only had two at the time. When she fell ill with a mental illness and spent a little time in a mental health hospital, her family grew even more vicious and tried to manipulate her. We moved and cut off all contact for years. That was in 2001/02.

    She got back in contact with her mother in 2005 and the dust had settled. We now live back in the region we both grew up and has some contact with her terminally ill father.

    We have both cared for each other. Myself caring for her during her down times including a bout with agoraphobia that took many months to conquer. Now she's my carer as I have movement disorders.

    I personally think she's exhausted but I also tend to feel that she's exhausted of me. It must be difficult to work through anxiety and depression while being in control of my financial side as I don't realise what I'm doing at times and mismanage money for it. Once I spent the rent money but thought I paid the rent. I have no idea where the money went. None at all.

    My eldest is nearing the end of her high schooling and has been a replacement mother for her siblings often and she has grown tired of it. She just wants to finish school, be accepted into University and move out with a few months of no contact to have that break. She's already spoken to me about her feelings towards her mum. It's not hate but struggling to respect her like she use too.

    My wife and I don't speak much any more. I've grown tired of finding myself of either being ignored or being snapped at or fought with over silly things that aren't even worth arguing about. As I'm on the Disability Support Pension and she's on the Carer's Pension, neither of us can afford to raise the children alone so I think possibly we find ourselves trapped.

    Sex. Well, my neurology makes it very difficult. I'm 42, she's 36. Sex for me has become painful as it results in electric shock like pulses running through my body which bloody hurts. Or I lose concentration and the brain shuts off and I lay there stupid. We are both bisexual/pansexual. She seems to take my lack of contact personally and I have snapped back in the past on being guilt tripped for a lack of sensual responsiveness. I personally think that I am most likely too difficult for her to care for with her own mental health issues.

    At first I thought that it was my imagination about my wife only to find myself having our children approach me about it. One even asked me if they could stay with me if we were to divorce. Ouch. How do you respond to that?

    Hard to get someone to talk through it when she simply refuses to talk. Her refusal to do things for herself but getting our children to do it for her has them frustrated with their mother. I admit to feeling that too.

    Argghhh... it's a mess. :icon_sad:
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Hey BP, your story is an apt illustration of all the complex and complicated things that can happen in families. It just shows that there really is no template or pre-set pattern to the way two people, their children and the extended family can interact.

    Sometimes there's just no solution other than to share and try to make sense of it.

    I wish you all the best in your struggles!
     
  3. BiPenguin

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    Thanks.

    It's a part of life to deal with. I have two teenage daughters who have grown frustrated with their mum. Both feel that I'm being poorly treated by their mum. I just tell them that she's been through a lot and that it's something to work through. Not just turning away and not dealing with the problems presented to us.