Since finally admitting to myself that I'm gay and coming out to my wife, I've had time to reflect back on my life and how this realization took so long to surface. I'm writing here to help me get it off my chest and to share my story in the hopes that it helps others who may be trying to find themselves. In high school, I dated girls just like my friends but I also was interested in guys enough that I did a little experimentation. It was right after high school when I started to realize that my same sex attractions were getting pretty strong as I had developed a big time crush on a buddy of mine and girls were holding less of an interest to me. Because the times back then were different and the fact that I wasn't willing to think about being gay (I was in denial), I came out to myself as bisexual. Afterall, I was a very masculine sports loving guy who liked the outdoors...how could I be gay? As it turns out, my buddy wasn't as straight as I thought either as we also developed a "secret friendship" for a couple years. Because of this and other reasons, deep down I was starting to figure out that I was probably gay afterall but still would never admit it. So..I moved away and met a girl who became my wife. However, emotionally and sexually, I was a wreck. I pushed myself very deep in the closet and shut the door. Our marriage was good and we had a good sex life, but my secret was killing me. I was in my late 20's/30 when I finally came out to her as bisexual (the safer road). It was tough going for a while but we pulled through it. When I reached 40, I was reaching a point inside that was tearing me apart. I loved my wife but the reality of it was that I knew I was gay and I needed to share that with her. She knew that I was attracted to men but not to the extent that I was. So I came clean several months ago and we're doing fine so far. I still love her very much and we continue to do things togther. We don't really have a sex life for several reasons but it is what it is. Most days she's ok with it and even has a good time joking around with me about it which helps to soften the blow. As for the future??...who knows. But I'm finally at peace with the present.
Thanks for sharing your story, sounds like a journey that many of us have been on. Good luck with your progression as you continue to define for yourself what it means to be gay, and how you want that as part of your life.
Hiya, your story is much like mine except I'm a girl. I'm still working through the "where do I/we go from here" part - we have children to consider in this whole process so it's not very straightforward or clear cut. I think we are at pretty similar stages in the whole process - having a bit of humour about it is what is saving us and pulling us through it. Thank you for sharing your story
MG: Glad that you have made the discoveries and admissions that you have. It makes it easier to work towards figuring out what you and your wife need to do going forward. Usually there are reasons to stay together and reasons not to stay together. Everyone's situation is different as it isn't a One Size Fits All. One thing, though. I would posit that bisexuality isn't the safer road. For one, it attracts a lot of needless BS. It's harder to have good relationships as gays think you'll retreat into the straight world if the going gets tough. Straights think that they can't compete with a same sex lover, so they may not want to get involved in the first place. Anyway, the point is that bisexuality is often a funky place to be...
Very similar story for me too... I wish that we had grown up and lived in a time as open and accepting as things are now... we would have had to closet ourselves and hide from who we really are. We wouldn't have felt made to marry a girl, to meet societies guidelines... we wouldn't have had to hurt our wives... it makes me feel good to know others are in the same situation... and that I am not alone in this journey. Thanks for sharing.
I can relate to staying in denial a long time. I'm working on the bit of saying it out loud now and one day hope to be brave enough to say it to my husband. Hope things work out for you and that your wife continues to be supportive.
marriedguy thanks for sharing your journey with us. You should be proud of yourself as coming out to your wife is/can be terrifying. marriedguy I'm looking forward to hearing more of your journey and hope to learn from you. Like you I'm still married to a woman and so far we're doing ok, but some days I feel like leaving but then realize I have no where to go.
Thank you for sharing your story! The lines I chose above, could have been written by me ( of course substitute he for she ). I believe drawing from your story and mine, it was the gradual process that made it easier to handle. Although I never labeled as bi I never hid my attraction to women. It's hard for me to believe sometimes that you can go on and remain friends….that is something I hope never changes!
Thank you for the story, Its nice to meet ppl who have similar issues & are able to share them, Helps to know one is not alone in this...
sometimes i wondering who I am, i wanna make friend with str8 ppl… but it seems they can't accept me on the other hand, I couldn't find a "right" lesbian friend here.. they all too wild. which i don't like and they can't behave theirselves….
Possibly someone a little older? It can take a few years for a person to realize that being "wild" isn't really for them. Maybe someone who has learned that lesson could be right for you...
