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internet?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, Oct 24, 2014.

  1. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Have we had a chat about internet safety and dealing with it in reality?

    I used a major list service to find an apartment. While there i noticed they had personal ads for LGBT and I looked at them. It was a total train reck of humanity in my opinion. Much worse (on whole) than anything I have seen on apps or dating sites. However I made use of the search filter using the terms "ltr, dating) to see what shook out. Initially over 550 personals in a small regional area were reduced to 3 ads of what seem to be authentic people, reasonable ads.

    So if you find seemingly "authentic" people in an internet trash heap what are some good approaches to verify that the "blind squurrel has found a nut in the forest"? LOL

    Tom
     
    #1 skiff, Oct 24, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014
  2. Filip

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    As a squirrel, your only way is to sniff and taste those nuts.
    (Yeah... pun intended, but I couldn't resist :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    On the more practical side: the only real way to verify an ad is to respond to it. If these people seem authentic and reasonable, send them an authentic and reasonable reply back.
    Their reply should already tell you something about their aims and motives. If they seem pleased to get a response, and continue sounding authentic and reasonable, that's a first positive clue. If they ask for dick pics, then... well, you only wasted one message on them.

    So, let's say the reply was reasonable and you are more or less on the same page, meeting up might be an option. Meeting up with a relative stranger is always a potential danger. But there are ways to mitigate that danger. Mainly involving not giving out any identifyiable info about where you live, meeting in a public place (and agreeing to part ways after that), and informing a friend or family member where you're going and how long you'll be gone for.
    I know, that's the advice you expect to be given as a teenager, but I found it works fairly well no matter your age.

    Finally: don't overanalyse, but it does help to discuss the experience with friends, family, acquaintances (EC...)
    Of course, you should heed mainly your own judgement, but bouncing some impressions and ideas back and forth can help to clarify your own judgement as well.

    Finally: it helps to remind yourself to have realistic expectations. And by that I don't just mean "no one is perfect and give them some time to grow on you". But also: "don't see this as "my three chances to find happiness". At worst, you wasted a few evenings messaging and a few evenings meeting people that went no where. If it goes nowhere, then it's not really a failure, but more a case of "nothing ventured, nothing gained"
     
  3. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    I ask because I am on a dating site and you get people contacting you who are phishing.

    Many are international but portray as; a) local, b) military, c) overseas and d) lonely. Many are easy to spot due to their ignorance of culture, using English in odd ways,
    Or do not come off authentic.

    My concern is the "intelligent" predator who can pull off a deception effectively.

    Tom
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    Flip makes some really good points!

    Just to add a bit, and this might seem too mechanical, but I strongly believe in the philosophy, is to play the numbers. The more people you engage with, whether it be online, apps, real world, the more of a chance you have to connect with someone meaningful.

    Of course, you will find a lot of duds out there, yourself will often get rejected by some you might find acceptable, and you might have a good time just going and having coffee meeting different and unique people.

    What you might find, is that even guys that may seem like a "total train reck of humanity", might in fact be "authentic". Keep in mind, online adds, apps, etc are often times used for social, sexual and dating purposes. It is conceivable that the same person might be using multiple sites with different objectives. So someone that seems like a "Train Reck" on one site might actually seem "authentic" on another.

    Again, consistent with Filip's comments, is always best to play it safe if you sense concern with someone you are meeting. And meeting in public places initially is always a good idea.

    ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2014 at 12:17 PM ----------

    To this point you raised, I should have added from my other post, there are quite a few people that I would term "time wasters" out there. Whether they lack self confidence to go through with meeting, have ulterior motives for meeting, or are from a country not even in the one you are located in. As you engage more online, you will be able to identify these types and learn to quickly discard them from your discussions.
     
  5. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Not being negatve about these list sites, I found my apartment through one. But in my area "men seeking men" was primarily aggressive sex seekers and very specific about wants. Many with pics of what tgey have to offer.

    I was able to cut out 99.9% of that by using a filter that eliminates hookups "ltr, dating.

    Thanks
    Tom

    Tom