It all seems like its about to explode tonight. I'm married to a man and have been for 8 years, we have 4 young kids. He is my best friend and I love him dearly. I told him that I thought I was gay about 2 years ago and tonight we had a chat about it again and it looks like this is probably the end for us. I'm completely terrified. I grew up in a very religious family and even now almost everyone I know is christian, I don't know any gay people at all and I feel like if this all got out then I would loose everyone. I'm an extremely introverted person so it's not easy at all for me to meet new people. It all feels so surreal, like it happening to someone else and I'm just watching the show. Im so worried that ill go thru all this and end up alone anyway, after having 4 kids including twins my body isnt too flash these days and i cant help but think who could possibly be interested in that? I dont know if it would be better to stay with my husband even if were only really just friends.
Ummmm.... If you lose them over this did you ever have them? You are about to learn who the good people are in your life and the fakes. Win - Win
All I wanna say is: If he really LOVES u, he will not divorce you. Instead he will try to understand u more and give a solution to your marriage.
I know exactly how you feel. I am married to a nice guy that I love in a best friend way for 24 yrs and have 2 kids. I have not told him and am just as scared. I also came from religious family and I will not be accepted. Every feeling you have had and every thought you expressed I have also had. BUT...here's the but...I just can't go back now that I have admitted it to myself. 2 kids, mid 40's.....sigh all the time I gave up. I decided to try therapy. It's going ok......I have a lot more to deal with besides coming out and I have to give this my all or there is no point. Just talking with someone else may help. hug to friend...hang in there. (*hug*)
That's not true. If you truly loved someone you wouldn't stay with them if it's not going to work. She's a lesbian in a straight marriage, the only thing that'll happen if they stay together is they'll both waste years of their life getting nowhere.
Hi, That statement is the conflction... In years your lives become entwined financially, children, all the trappings of marital safety with NO passion for your spouse. May as well be a best friend financial planner contract. I had it ALL but without passion it is a roommate agreement. You love them but you don't LOVE them. Your feelings for children cause more inner conflict as you do LOVE them as any parent would. All I can say looking back... my marriage was not right, was not wrong, but conflicted emotionally due to lack of passion. Having known passion I could not cheat either of us any longer. Tom
Your going to divorce him over that? If you do you better be planning something to be there for your kids because they'll need a mother figure in there life.
Hi, ForeverYoung000... I was going to ask you ro explain/expand upon the above statement but saw your age/experience and realized it was not necessary. The media has drilled a romantic notion of what love/life is into you but you lack real life experience. It is never as easy or simple as what society or the media portray. Give it time and you will see what I mean. Regarding kids... 99.9% of parents are good parents (try their best) and divorce and good parenting can coexist. Divorce does not mean child abandonment Tom
You both need to try to work together to figure out the best way to work out your situation. Please don't believe the very young poster who thinks leaving a marriage in which you have no interest would mean necessarily losing your kids. Also, if you aren't able (or you are unwilling) to live with your current life, you need to find a way to make a change - even if it is a small one.
I was married, had two kids, one from her previous marraige, we split up years ago because she was going with others whiulst I worked overseas, when we split up the eldest went with her and the yooungest with me. It has worked for the last 16 years, had a few problems at first but have always put the kids first, she has her life and me mine,hope it all works out for you
Sometimes the biggest upheavals in our lives can lead to changes we need to make, that we would never have made otherwise. Sometimes you have to lose everything to realize how much more there is out there. You have not met any gay people, everyone in your life right now would be unable or unwilling to accept the real you (so it seems from what you wrote); that doesn't mean that they are the only kind of people who are out there. There might just be new people and a new life that might suit you better. I used to be introverted too; it took being kicked out of my shell for me to realize I could live outside of it. Sources: My own crazy life. Hitting rock bottom and have nothing left to lose. I highly recommend it; too bad it can't happen to everyone.
I agree with this. I was married for 10 years, abusive, loveless marriage, one son, religious family. It was only AFTER I LEFT HIM did I find the strength to be who I was...for ME. You were beautiful when your husband married you, and you're beautiful NOW. You just have to move past that fear and step out into the life you deserve...for YOURSELF. (*hug*)
Are you still attracted to the opposite sex? If so then you are not gay, you are Bi or Pansexual. Being attracted to the same sex dose not make you gay. You can still be married to a man, as long as you love him and are still attracted to men. Most people know they are gay by a very young age. At your age it is likely that you are not gay, you have just discovered you like both sexes, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you know your situation more then i will ever. If you are gay then leave your husband, this dose not mean you cant see your kids. You are a loving mother so you can have full/shared custody over your kids. There is no law that say people attracted to same sex can't hold custody. However, this is your life and like i said, you know it better then i do. Best of luck!
Maybe, (though I'm not very experienced in this area), if you had a spare room, you could continue living together, but each have your own room, should you choose to separate. If you're still on good terms, then it would probably be easier to separate and continue living together so you can both be with your children as often as you do now. Hope everything works out xxx PS: Don't be so harsh on yourself, I'm sure you're lovely, and who wouldn't want that?
Hello UCanBeMePyjamas, welcome to EC Life is never black and white; it has many shades of grey and has many possible options and routes for you to take. I’m married, no kids, for the last 26 years and discovered I’m gay rather late in life and came out to my wife over 18 months ago. Before I came out I thought we would end up getting divorced, but so far we have managed to stay together and are striving to find a happy medium that works for us both. I gave another member some info on this in the following post, have a look at the second 2/3rds http://emptyclosets.com/forum/2293152-post20.html I hope it gives you some ideas. SGG
I totally agree! Been there, done that. It doesn't work and it does just waste years…many years that you can't get back!
