Someone posted this a bit ago on a forum, so I watched it, and it really struck a chord with me: Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Talk Video | TED.com I SUCK at letting myself be vulnerable. I know it probably stems from my wanting to feel/do perfect all the time. So I realized that when I saw my bff again this summer, and realized I had feelings for her still, and realized that I really was bi, that I opened myself up a tiny bit to the possibility of being vulnerable in my life again. I was so numb as she talks about. I had closed myself down so much. I talked to her last night on FaceTime, and she asked me what I want out of life. I started to cry because I just don't know anymore. On paper, I have everything I ever wanted, and somehow, it still doesn't seem to make me feel the way I wanted it to. I have 2 great kids, they are healthy and smart and drive me crazy most days. I've got a husband I love, who is my friend and lover and helps me whenever he can. We are doing ok financially, etc. But somehow it doesn't seem like... I don't know... enough? It often seems like something is missing from my life. Now here's the really crazy part... The more I let myself feel that I don't have everything I need, and I'm still not totally sure what's missing... (Although being honest here, because I may as well... none of you know me :dry:... I know I miss being intimate with my bff - not necessarily sex, but being CLOSE... but I don't know that that's all...) Anyway, the more I let myself feel that I don't have everything I want/need, the better I feel about what I do have. OK - I'm clearly a bit crazy... feel free to discuss :bang:
If we lived in a society that did not segregate married couples from everyone else and where close personal friendships could flourish outside of our marriages (not talking sexual, but a deep and affectionate relationship nevertheless) we would be so much better off. Why, why, why do we put ourselves into marriages as if we were sealed away in some suspended-animation capsule? No spouse can be everything to another, but we spend most of our days and nights almost exclusively with our Significant Other, as if this was the only person of significance to us. Adding kids to the mix just compounds the problem, and, too often, the kids become more important than the spousal relationship, a major error. There's even talk that one's soul-mate should NOT be one's spouse: mainly because a soul-mate is a mirror, someone who is just like you, someone who can complete your sentences and understands you better than you understand yourself. A spouse or partner, on the other hand, should be someone who inspires you to be better than you are...not just another version of you. We need our soul-mates just as badly as we need a partner in life and we need to be vulnerable in both situations.
Preach! Maybe that's what is going on in my life... I'm definitely closer to my husband somehow since I've been interested in my bff again, but that seems so counterintuitive...
bi2me you are not alone as it's very hard for me to be vulnerable too (past experiences and some by choice). Greatwhale has it nailed (imho). Take care on your journey.
