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weirdness of life...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, Oct 31, 2014.

  1. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi All,

    Kind of curious, this life thing...

    Anybody here has heard me complain about the shallow gay stereotypes and bad experiences meeting gay men and gay venues. I have asked if all the good gay men have retreated the scene or been partnered...

    So the weirdness...

    I am gay. I understand what bisexual means, but even having had sex with a woman I do not "understand" bisexuals. I have tried to remedy that understanding here in the past with some success.

    Next bit of eirdness...

    I have a friend at work. We seek each other out at work to chat. Great guy. Big, athletic guy. Military, 2 divorces, adult kids, straight as far as I know. I am not "out" at work but openly discuss past hetero marriage and raising kids. Some tiny minds where I work so I keep quiet about sexuality.

    I have also bitched about dating sites here...

    Well... my friend from work just popped onto my matches on a dating site as a bisexual. I messaged him saying; "This is ging to be an intereting conversation. LOL ". He visited my profile but did not reply...

    Today or tomorrow I will see my friend at work and will get to see some more of "life's weirdness".

    Tom
     
    #1 skiff, Oct 31, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2014
  2. Yossarian

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    As Gomer Pyle would have said, "Surprise, surprise!" May you live in "interesting times". :slight_smile:
     
  3. OnTheHighway

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    hmm. I had a similar situation like that at one point. The next time after it occurred we were together, I simply winked, there was a brief moment of recognition, and then continued on the discussion as if nothing happened.
     
  4. Tallu

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    Sounds like you now have an even better friend! Yay! :grin:

    Seriously though, whether you want it to become sexual or not, how nice to have someone around that understands, right?
     
  5. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Think he needs time. He is ok but a tad quiet, ackward.
     
  6. Tallu

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    I understand. Work environment not the best place to explore, either. Could get messy.
     
  7. Damien

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    Hi Tom,
    maybe this will help...yesterday, a beautiful woman gave me a smile that sent a little wave through my body (caught me by surprise). Then, later on, this cute guy in a hoodie (lol) standing outside a shop, smiled and said "how's yur week been?" as I walked past (I'm pretty shy so I kept walking, but I did smile back and reply - I've become a bit of a flirt nowadays). As I walked home I kind of felt 'sexy' and believe me I don't feel like that very often...Both of those instances were on my mind for the rest of the day. I truly found both of these individuals attractive. That's a random little window into the odd life of a Bisexual. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Damien, Oct 31, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2014
  8. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    I might be wrong... he looked at me, said "that is you," and then we had brief chat. He's cool with it.
     
  9. biAnnika

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    Hey Tom...I'm curious what about us confuses or confounds you so?

    Do you feel that you "understand" straight people any better?

    ---------- Post added 31st Oct 2014 at 07:00 PM ----------

    But yes...strangeness of life. The longer you live, the more it seems like *everyone* is friggin' queer (of some stripe).
     
  10. P25

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    Being bisexual is about the person...the "equipment" that they come with is secondary. To me I love the person not bc their male or female it's because of who they are. Their personality is attractive to me and the fact that the are male or female is really of no concern to me. Your love who you love :slight_smile:
     
  11. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    My only question was; in a relationship man/man, one gay, one bisexual, if interest shifts to woman for bisexual what happens to relationship.

    Some report shifts in interest, some are steady state if i got it right.

    Tin
     
  12. bi2me

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    I guess that is kind of what I'm working on figuring out. I think for me, I'm really only attracted to people I know well... so that's been pretty much my husband whom I've been with since high school, and my best friend who I "fooled around with" in high school and realized recently the attraction never went away.

    I don't want to change my life at all (happy marriage, kids, all the "good stuff" I'd ever thought I wanted), but I also have this attraction to her.
     
  13. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    We all have talked about the tenuous difficulties of a mixed iruentation marriage (MOM usually gay/straight) but a gay/bi relationship is also mixed orientation.

    I have never walked a mile in bi shoes...

    Tom
     
  14. bi2me

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    I think you should just be honest and talk about it. You should have expectations going into the relationship about what is ok and not. Is looking ok? Friendly touching (like over clothes, hand on shoulder type stuff)? Where would you start to feel uncomfortable?

    I kind of would like to talk more about what's going on in my head with my husband, but he told me it was ok to have the attraction - he isn't surprised, he was there when it started and knew then - but he didn't think it was right for me to act on it. I don't really feel right coming to him to complain about how I feel, because a) I don't want to freak him out, and b) even though I do feel the attraction, she isn't my girlfriend or anything... So I just come on here and bitch to all of you lovely and very supportive people :slight_smile:
     
  15. biAnnika

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    My best answer for you here is that, yeah, it varies a lot...both in terms of whether it shifts and in terms of how people deal with it.

    Any shifts in sexuality can't be predicted, and aren't necessarily correlated to the person's past experience. But I'll say that although lots of bisexual's interests in the sexes have shifted during their lives, I haven't seen many simply lose interest in one sex or the other...in other words, they may have had a mile interest that became more intense; but it doesn't often mean that they *lose* interest in either sex.

    What happens to the relationship depends on the person. Some people simply aren't trustworthy (gay, straight, bisexual). Hopefully, you have a sense of whether a person can be trusted. In my case, yeah, my interest in men has become more intense...and what has happened to my relationship with my (female) partner? We're still together, quite happily. Neither of us would cheat on one another (at least I won't, and I completely trust her not to). So what will happen with this increasing urge to have sex with a man? If/when it becomes important enough, we'll work something out...just like with any other major life challenge.

    So bottom line...I agree with bi2me...communicate your concerns, listen to what he has to say, and realize that some of us are quite decent, lovely, and trustworthy.

    I hope that helps!
     
  16. OnTheHighway

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    That's a good outcome, no ask him to go have a drink with you!
     
  17. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    I said to my friend "you must have a myriad of questions so just ask". He said "after xx years (bisexual) in military I have no questions, seen it all".

    Honest guy.
     
  18. OnTheHighway

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    Sounds very well settled!