Years before I was fooling myself thinking my homosexuality is kind of a mission, so all I needed to do is get a wife and ... kids but I had no idea how was I supposed to sleep with her, when I don't get attracted to her. I used to say if I was a lesbian it would have been much easier since I wouldn't need my penis to get turned on ... but then I thought a girl being forced to sleep with some men especially if she's lesbian it would have been nearly as bad as getting raped. So lesbians how was it when you tried it with men? Awful or ... ?
Back in the day when so many of us were encouraged to do the status quo, it was just something you did. You met a guy, got married, had kids, got divorced, tried again, left him too, then came out. Okay, not all of us were like that but most of my friends were/are. We didn't enjoy the experience but lived through it. Sadly, and I am putting myself out on a limb here (and perhaps embarrassing the hell out of myself), sex with guys never did anything for me. Never had that mind blowing "O" with a guy. Fast foward to dating a woman. Well, there you go... I wouldn't call it rape. I think many of us actually did love our male partners in some way, shape, or form, but it just wasn't possible to fully commit. Something wasn't right and some of us didn't realize why we felt the way we did until later on in our lives. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't fantastic either. It was just "there". Sad.
I agree with Biotech.. It wasn't like Rape.. it just wasn't anything special. Something was definitely missing.
awful. lots of faking. being happy when it was over. now, keep in mind that i think men as beings are amazing... i have a close male friend that i think is "hot" besides being an incredible person, but i'm not at all sexually interested in him.
When i had sex with a man it felt awful and like a chore , I could not get turned on no matter how hard I tried to , I felt like I didn't want him to touch me or kiss me . I forced myself, because I thought if I had sex with this guy , he could make me not have lesbian feelings anymore or not attracted to my own sex . Back then I would have rather be a bisexual and a lesbian . Because lesbians were seen as ugly fat and no one wanted them , they were hated by both men and women and I just didn't want to be apart of it .I didn't want to be only attracted to women either I would have much rather liked both sexes back then and I didn't want to be seen as weird . Where I grew up in the school I went to it was okay to be bisexual ,but if your a lesbian and gay God help you everyone came down on you . You get called nasty names like dyke lesbo carpet muncher heck being called a lesbian was even an insult back then to me . So I was hoping this guy could turn me I heard the saying you never know til you try . When I slept with that guy it was the worse sexual experience I ever had in my life , I felt like my sexuality was dead and I just couldn't get into I was way to conscious , my mind wondered I was bored , I didn't want him touching and I wanted to go home , I remembered when I use to do stuff with other girls like dry humping and even masturbation I was very much into and wanted to keep doing as long as we could . I just didn't feel that way about guys , I never looked at them lustfully like Oh He's so hot I just have to have sex with him . I only felt that way about women and I only thought about women romantically and sexually as well . I also ended up getting raped that night as well even though it was consensual because we agreed on no penetration, but he wanted to penetrate me and he did against my will . But the whole time I kept thinking why do i need to do this I never felt attraction to men any way why didn't I just trust myself instead of leading myself down a dark path .
I never had sex with a guy, but making out, "fooling around" and so forth... well, it was "ok." At times I found it a bit pleasurable, but it was always him initiating and I kind of went along because I loved him and wanted to make him happy, and it was just sort of "what you do" when you're in a couple with someone. I didn't hate it but I just didn't see what all the to do was about, and sometimes I'd find myself getting kind of bored or anxious. It definitely wasn't like rape because everything was consensual. If anything he was incredibly patient with me and took things quite slow.
Hi, Not to switch gears but for me; A) a gym membership I did not want B) a necessary chore like taking out the trash
It was okay. Boring. Not pleasurable by any means really, and there were somethings that just kind of disgusted me. But I thought something was wrong with me. Then I had sex with a woman and was like ***WOW*** okay, nothing's wrong with me except a lack of self-awareness. Now that I know though, the thought of being with a man physically in any sense actually repulses me. I tried to be physical with my husband actually, after I met this girl but before we were physical, and I just cried the entire time. I wanted to like it, or at least not mind it. But it was terrible. And if you're not turned on, it can hurt quite a bit actually.
It was a chore. I wanted kids, it was the 80s and that is what one did. I dated men, but something was always missing in my heart, I could enjoy sex, but it was not fufilling. Other than Orgasm. I never even realized it was wrong until I overheard some straight girls talking about how awesome sex with men was! I was like "I want to avoid it, I think it is overrated". Once I was with a woman, I was insatiable.
Oh boy Lipstick! In high school, in college, in the break room at work - men. I just didn't get it when other women would talk about sex and guys. Yep, I agree with your analysis of the situation(s). Lol.
So so true!!! Biotech49 And the love, it's a friendship kind of love, the kind that makes it hard to walk away but not much easier to stay. Ugh! :help:
I've always had a problem with sex, never really liked it, never took the initiative. I tried it like it, it wasn't awful, but more like a duty. Then I fell in love with a girl, and THAT'S really different!!☺️Told my husband that I'm struggling with my sexuality, that I think I like girls. Now sex with him is difficult. Really difficult, like rape... Don't want to leave him and destroy our family, but I'm not sure if things will ever work sexually with a man..
Biotech's description took me right back...that's just how it was for me...I didn't realise that others felt the same...it's good to know
Yeah I never got how women could talk about how they enjoyed sex with guys or how much they liked penis .
I would say there are is an art of figuring out how to get it over with quicker. I won't say it feels like rape...more just something you feel like you should do for someone who means a lot to you, even if you aren't into it as much.
I always felt like a total shit, too. Like I was feeding my ex husband crumbs. He was a good guy who, like most men, really loved sex. It framed his entire existence and I know he loved me a lot. I loved him, too, but my god what an eternity doing it with him was. Looking back I enjoyed the courtship phase with men, the flirting and holding hands and kissing (IF they knew how.) I always found with straight men this need to be the best! The best kisser, best licker, best thruster. It was all about performance but very little emotional engagement. Then again, that is probably just my pathological disgust talking. For someone who has always loved men, and still finds them adorable in the peripheral sense, I have very very rarely had a good time with them in the sack. Like many of you said I always felt distracted and impatient. Strange, that. Not been with a woman yet, but something tells me it won't be dull, lol.
