My husband is going to leave me...

God, I am so sorry! It must be hard, knowing your marriage is ending! Is there really no way to fix it? I can't think of much else to say to comfort you.

If it makes you feel better, you can still remain friends with him right? Many divorced couples still retain close relationships. I think you might want to take a small break before maybe joining a support group near you. There are many, so just look around for some!

It's normal to want friends who are gay, because often times straight friends have problems fully understanding, or with gay friends you at least know they have had their own share of experiences to help you.

I can't think of much else to say, but if you ever need somebody to just listen, me and everyone else on EC is here for you okay?

 

Hey Lindsey,

The key thing to remember is you will survive this. In my case, during the first few months I relied on family and friends to get me over the hump, as it were. In addition, I am fortunate to live in a city with a vibrant gay community, with several organizations I could join and contribute to (which I did, and do).

The best way to avoid isolation and the sadness that can come from that is to go out and help others, it provides an incredible dose of reality and of perspective when you can see and interact with those who are worse off. Moreover, you realize it does get better, but you also begin to realize it was never that bad to begin with: for starters, you are free to start over; to my mind, that is, in itself, the most hopeful thing there is!

Find a way to work with your husband to co-parent after he leaves, this will be a critical factor, try to make it as amicable as possible, this will make a world of difference when you get to the "other side".

 

Wow it seems we are in the same place. My husband is starting to have all kinds of anxiety and second thoughts about us staying together.
I just have always been resistant to change but if accepting that you're gay isn't a major change…
I wish I could help you but since I have the same fears as you do, I can only offer you my support and let you know that you aren't alone in this.
I'm here anytime you want to talk. There is another member that left and did really well, I'll contact her and have her post some good advice!(*hug*)

 

Sorry to hear you are in such a situation, but as greatwhale said you'll survive this... And how! You have shown to yourself you've got the courage and strenght to be honest, and to fight for your own well being. That is something not everybody is able to do. A lot of people (maybe more than we think) are living in denial. That people make not only themselves miserable, but those around them ; Husbands/wives, kids, coworkers, friends... You've done the right thing.
I'm not fully out yet, but I don't regret it that some people know... Now I can be sure they like me for being myself, for what is inside. It's scary to risk being ourselves in front of others, because we sense some of them (including partners) will never acept it, but what kind of relationship is a relationship where you need to put a mask to be loved or accepted? I don't think it's worth it at the end, you know...
Feel free to come here to EC anytime. The folks know what you are talking about, and most of them will give you excelent advice, so you are not entirely on your own.
If you need to talk or simply feel like chatting, feel free to leave me a note on my wall, ok?
Keep strong, and don't look back, because it's not worth it : That wasn't really you.

 

Hi Lindsey,
Even though it may seem scary at the moment, it may end up being much better than you had hoped. Change is hard, especially when it feels like your whole world is about to change, but you can do this. It's more the unknown that is scary, not the actual change. When I first came out, someone told me to think of it like moving to a new city where you will meet new people and discover a new culture. I felt like it was being a teenager again when the future was unknown, yet at the same time exciting.
When i told my husband, he said we couldn't stay married, which was great for me. We did end up being roommates, and will until my 15 year old finishes high school (less than 2 years ). We don't, however, consider ourselves together, and we tell everyone we are separated. We can't begin procedures for legal separation or divorce because we live in same dwelling, but that is only legality as far as we are concerned. Telling him and ending our marriage was wonderful. I feel so much more free, and the kids seemed to have adjusted (they know everything). I've told my family and friends and everyone has been very supportive. If you don't find that support, then remember it's their problem, you can't change who you are and if they care about you, they will accept the true you.
You will discover who you really are, and it is wonderful! Just be honest with yourself, including if you don't completely accept yourself. I completely understand about meeting gay friends, I was the same way. To have people who understand what you are experiencing and feeling is important. Straight friends, as much as they tried, just did not understand. I did online dating to meet friends, I wasn't ready for dating because I hadn't completely accepted or processed at the time. I did meet two friends this way, one who I am very close with Community organizations or groups is another way you can meet people. There is nothing wrong with specifically looking for gay friends, they can teach you a lot, and are excellent for answering questions.
The depression gets much better, it did for me anyways. The fact that I knew who I was and didn't have to hide it made a huge difference. Being in the closet can be a very painful place to be. You will get through this and wonder why you didn't do this sooner. If you want to talk because there are probably more specific questions you'll have and this was a quick summary, feel free to write on my wall or we're both full members so you can message me as well

 

My marriage is also nearing it's end, It's kind of scary sometimes, looking at the chance to be yourself.
I was talking with my therapist about this exact thing this week, and she suggested that I try to find some kind of social group or something that will help to connect me with lesbian friends.
I Haven't found one yet (my session was only 2 days ago) but hopefully, I am going to try it and see.

Good luck to you!

 

Hi lindsay, I agree with you when you say why should it matter what sex you are attracted to? Straight people dont introduce themselves with 'im john and I like having sex with women'. society accepts straight people so why not gay people. Really, what does it matter? The major difference is what gender a gay person is being intimate with. But society is not with them at that time (usually!) So why cant it just leave them alone. Sorry, rant over.

 

You're not alone, Lindsey. (*hug*)

 

You are definitively not alone! I understand that it feels pretty lonely, but there are more of us who are married, but trying to figure out how to come out. I appreciate that I came across your post, its comforting to know I'm not the only one. You aren't either!

 

Hey. I am in the same boat as you but probably at least few months behind. I told my husband I am bisexual (but in reality i'm a lesbian and I am pretty sure he knows it). We have 2 small children and I don't want to ruin my family. We are great friends but as husband and wife......it just doesn't seem right. I keep going on as if everything is fine but it really isn't. I am scared, as you said you are, to go out in a community i know nothing about. I have gay friends from college but as an active part of that community, i am totally lost. I also have been a stay at home mom for many years and as such, don't have my own income right now. I am in the process of getting my teaching certification up to date and hope to go back to work next year. Sorry to go on a rant. But i DO know how you are feeling. You aren't alone. In fact, i would love to talk more sometime! It's hard to find people in the same boat.

 

Welcome to EC LBSmitty. Good luck with your recertification - I'm getting my license renewed too!

 

Thank you all for the sweet welcome! I am a little scared to be here but It is also a big relief to read so many peoples stories that are similar to mine.

 

I totally get what you're saying about feeling alone, everyone. This community has been so helpful regarding that. I'm married and do like both men and women, and am afraid of losing my wife. I get the feeling that's eventually going to happen, but I'm hoping it doesn't, since my opinion, attraction and desire for women hasn't changed.

I hope you and your husband find a happy solution, Lindsey. We're all here if you need to chat or feel extra alone