I've now been hurt by women enough, and am thinking that I just want to forget about them completely, and just be gay instead. I know there are kind-hearted and sane women out there. I know there are. But those are not the type I end up attracting. I always attract women who somehow end up either controlling, rejecting, or hurting me. I've had it with this. It's not that I don't trust women. It's that I don't trust myself to attract a nice one into my life. I could be a kind and loving partner to some woman, but the track record of what has happened to me, has made something shift in me. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I'm going to see how things go with guys now. Yeah sure, I know guys can hurt each other as well. But I won't know until I try. To be honest, the gay guys I have been friends with in the past, when I thought I was straight, none of them ever did control stuff on me, and none of them dumped me. The friendships ended due to my own overreaction to what I was picking up from them, that they were feeling more than just friendship, and my 'straight pride' got offended - in effect, it was I who subtly rejected them. No more. If I make friends with a guy where there is some mutual attraction, I'm really giving it a go this time. I think that, even if my orientation is actually 'Bi', that I will be much better off if I just stick with guys from now on.
Hey, I've had a lot of bad experience with women as well. Since I'm monosexual though, it just made me decide to want to stay single from now on. I'm sorry you went through that. Not all women are the same, and some men made pretty bad partners too, so you might find good or bad matches on either field. But if you want to explore men more, you should do so and be honest with yourself.
Thank you for your kind reply. I think that, if it was 'meant to be' with women, I would have had a positive experience by now, in the middle of my life. Since time is short, and my youthfulness won't last forever, I think it's high time I focussed my energies now, you know. Sometimes I even think that deep down, I might be gay, anyway. The idea of being with a guy both as a friend I hang out with, and am sexual with, appeals to me more than ever before now. And I don't think this can be forced. I think it might be my actual orientation. I dunno, but something deep within me feels very drawn to the idea of two guys getting together...it feels, very alluring. I ought to explore it for real. I could still be platonic friends with a woman, though. Just not sexual, you know. That, always ends up causing distress. But pure friendship is ok.
Hi Damien, Some great intrspection there. Brutally honest with yourself too which is good. First, you are a guy. You got that XY chromosome and testosterone coursing through you. You grew up ith guys. Of course you understand guys. Guys have a get it done, hunt it down agenda and less tied into the emotional side of things. Yeah, you understand male psychology. LOL I was married 21 years and do not fully understand female psychology or societal Heuristcs (maybe same thing). I would date you in a heartbeat. Tom
Tom, you are super-sweet. Thank you for making me smile. And for the insightful observations in your post.
Lol I've thought about switching to women but at the end of the day. The grass is only greener on the otherside because its fertlised with bullshit!
Your comment appears to imply that guys will be no nicer to me, than women. Maybe I'll go back to celibacy, then.
Obviously there are good and bad people of both sexes. If you are equally attracted to men and women, why not choose women to avoid all of the extra difficulties that come with a same sex relationship? But odds are you're more attracted to one sex than the other. Seems to me that should be the basis for your decision.
Damien I'm proud of you for knowing what you want. The way you have stated makes complete sense to me.
I'm not bi, but I've dated a bi guy. If you usually go for women, try men on for a change. No one can tell you what would make you happy, but what does it hurt to try? There are great guys, and horrible guys out there, just as there are with women. The sex of the person isn't what determines whether they are good people or not.
Thank you also Spaceman, Quietman and Stephen, for your input. I have slept on this, and this morning face reality again. I cannot 'choose' to 'just be gay'. It just does not work that way. I feel attracted to both guys and girls, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can, of course, choose to just date guys, but really, as you pointed out Spaceman, the real issue here is to be more discerning in my choices. There are good and bad folks among both genders. And gay relationships would not be easier than straight ones, I guess. It all depends on the individual person, one's compatibility with them, etc. But sometimes I react out of pain, such as I did when I wrote this topic. A woman I was sort of close to once, well I forgave her for sort of dumping me for someone else, agreed that we could just be friends, and now, after a little dispute we had, she even dumps me as a friend...and the reason I had decided to be friends again, was cos of how much pain she was in, I felt sorry for her, cos that guy she had dumped me for, he ended up treating her really bad. But now, things seem to be picking up for her, and over what I think is as trivial spat, she suddenly dumps me, again - even just as a friend! It hurt, but you know I now fully realize she simply is not right for me, and evidently I'm not right for her, either. Honestly, I could be with either a man or a woman, I cannot pretend otherwise. Do I long to experience the new territory of gay sex etc, that I've not had as yet? Of course. But what really matters, is working out this issue I have of getting involved with folks who end up treating me badly, and honestly a guy could do that just as easily as a girl. The problem is with me, not with women. I need to deeply value myself enough, to attract a person who has the kindliness and respect for others that I try to embody myself. I'm not perfect, but I do try. And sensitivity...I'm fairly sensitive, maybe I need a fellow sensitive type. I tend to tread carefully when dealing with others' feelings, but some folks can be quite rough, they kind of ride over your heart without realizing it. I generally think about how what I say or do will affect the other person emotionally. I think I need someone who is sensitive like that too. Thanks everyone for your support here. I feel more at ease now, better about this. Andy.
welcome to my world, i feel exactly the same way. from my experience i just find relationships with women way too complicated. i've had my fair share of problems with control freaks that just wanted me by their side 24/7 with no room to breath., if it's not that, it's some looney with a bipolar disorder who will practically murder me if they don't get what they want or are upset. i pretty much gave up on heterosexual relationships, if could hit a switch to just be gay i would in a heartbeat. it's funny because i know i am not alone. almost all my friends who are straight face the same exact issues. they all seem unhappy, but unlike them, i actually have the balls to do something about it rather than complain to others about their problems/unhappiness. every time i see my friends it's basically all the same thing and i actually get annoyed hearing about their problems all the time. one friend actually had a huge fight with his girl over me (she gets pissed because he wants to hang with me). several of my cousins suffer from the same problems. one of them had a fight with their girl and she made up a bunch of lies, got him fired from his job, stole his money then called the cops on him and said he stole stuff from her. what kind of person does this?! lol. i'm sure there are a lot of good girls out there but as i told my parents once, they just don't make good ole fashion girls like they used to. my parents have been married for nearly 40 years,.. i have 5 aunts and each of them have also been married for 30+ years. my grandparents have been married for nearly 65 years,.. i think these days relationships like this are unheard of. times have changed (or shall say people)??
People are people tho! And men are far from perfect! Sometimes I get so frustrated with men and am just like...I wish I could be bi/gay so I don't need to deal with this. But you don't get to choose unfortunately! You're bi and stuck being bi. So you will always be attracted to both men and women. You shouldn't close yourself off from either side! Allow yourself to start thinking of people as individuals..if there's attraction and compatibility go for it! If not don't. You're bi so you get to take gender out of the equation...lucky you!
My humbling realization was that I cannot switch. I must admit, when I had friends to hang out with, married guys used to complain a lot...sometimes it put me off. I thought, gosh if it's that bad, why bother? But then, I have met some wonderful women in my time as well, just not the ones I ended up being in relationship with! I guess it is hard to understand women for some of us guys. I think that if I do get a girlfriend, I will finally read that book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. We need all the help we can get lol. Whereas I do feel like I understand guys, being one myself. Maybe it will make things easier? Remains to be seen, but I suspect it will. Lucky me, being bi, and having that option. ---------- Post added 7th Nov 2014 at 07:46 PM ---------- Oh, I agree...I have heard awful things, that some guys have done, to the women they have been with. Maybe human beings are a bit crazy? Sometimes I feel like the 'Buddhist monk' option sounds appealing. But I have far too much desire to become a monk... What you said about seeing people as individuals, rings true for me. Yes, gender is not that much of an issue for a bi. It is definitely the person I am attracted to, rather than their gender per se.
