Say there's a guy I've met irl who I find appealing, and where I feel some mutual vibes between us. My intuition is to make any suggestion for us to do something together some time, to appear, on the surface, as an ordinary overture of friendship, even if I do sense that they are possibly or even likely bi or gay. I ought to act cool about it, right? Be calm, confident and make it all look kind of 'innocent', if you know what I mean. So, maybe we have a mutual interest, for example, he might work at a health food store (I'm a long-time fan of natural food, medicine etc). There's an interest we have in common. But thus far, I've not been able to take that step...back when I thought I was straight, it was much easier to get to know a guy, cos there were no nerves about suggesting we do something together. But now, there are some nerves. Can anyone relate to this? And, could I please have some advice around this issue? I think it's time to take the bull by the horns and stop hesitating to fully live life. As I type this, a drop of sweat drips from my armpit, usually a good indicator of desire for me. Especially as I'm here sitting perfectly still at my pc. Any advice would be welcome, even just a comment.
It can be tough, but just try to befriend him first, especially if you don't know his opinions on LGBT issues (that should be relatively easy to find what with all the news). Try to see about something very simple like coffee or even a movie.
Thanks, resu. Amazingly, I do actually meet guys just while out doing ordinary things, who both set off my 'gaydar' and who seem nice and kind of a possibility...I will try to just strike up a friendship, it's the best way, I guess. The thing for me is, I have to find the inner courage to make that first overture of friendship, without a shot of alcohol in my guts, to lower my inhibitions...I'm a naturally shy person. (I don't normally drink, but on the rare occasion I do, it does actually seem to 'work' at lessening my inhibitions, I must say...) Sometimes I feel like, to make that first move, I need to have a shot of something, then chew a mouthful of mints to totally mask the odour of the drink, then go straight to the guy I have in mind, and strike up a conversation. I wonder how else I can be uninhibited enough.
I think you have the right idea keeping it casual since you're not sure if he's gay. This is one area where online dating trumps real life...at least the gay question is already answered.
I've been put off online dating by all the negative appraisals of it I've read here (and elsewhere). I might give it a try, but it will be with some trepidation.
Hi there! Yep, I can definitely relate to it. The first time I asked somebody out, the nerves caught up with me, faster than a high speed train. Prior to that, I shied away from asking other guys out. My fears were in part based on rejection as well as on what happens next if the guy says yes. Being at times a shy person myself, it took time for me to become comfortable in taking the next step in coming up with suggestions of meeting places. What has helped me though is to go into asking somebody with the view of making a friend, rather than seeing it as a 'date' or something more than just getting to know somebody.
be confident stalk him and then when you got all you need go ask him out or take a gun and put it in his head if he disagree shoot and if he agree then good for you
When I was in school, I would often perform in some of the school plays. It taught me to "act" all the while such acting might have been completely different from my personality. When I first started to date, I thought back to the times when I was acting on stage, imagined how I was supposed to act in reaching out and starting to talk to someone, and then performed it as if I was an actor. After a while, I was no longer acting.
Hi, My extreme tactic when I meet somebody I want to know better; "Hey, want to grab a cup of coffee?". You just asked for a date. Common like in movies; "You seen the movie reviews on xxx? Wanna go see it with me?". Take away all ALL the preconceptions tied to "date" in your head. Some think "Date!!!! Make out, naked, sex, failure, rejection, I can't do it". That is "closet crap". A date is what you make it. Tom
