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Will my kids be bullied?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Richie., Nov 8, 2014.

  1. Richie.

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    I'm moving in with my boyfriend soon, and the 'friend' who has been in my life, will likely cause my kids to question things when I'm sleeping in the same bed as him. I haven't hidden my relationship with him from my boys, but they don't know he is my boyfriend.

    I'm worried they will targeted by bullies if people find out I'm gay. I know I have no control over this, but this might lead to resentment.
     
  2. skiff

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    A) kids are bullied by thugs and thugs don't need a reason.

    B) keep lines f communication OPEN so you know if they are bullied.
     
  3. OnTheHighway

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    My two girls have not told me about any issue experienced as a result of my coming out. Most of their friends parents all know, the teachers know, their friends know. So it's not really a secret. IF they were to have experienced issues with it, I would have imagined it would have happened by now.
     
  4. lb41974

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    I have not had to deal with this yet as I just came out recently I am not sure what to tell you other than be there for them if it happens and just stay strong and let them know that you all will work threw it together and it will get better . Its just my thought tho I wish you the best of luck .
     
  5. bornthiswaybby

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    I'm not completely familiar with the UK's views on homosexuality but if I'm not mistaken their views are similar to Canada. Therefore, as a teenager I can say that kids really aren't quite as homophobic as they once were. I don't think that they would be bullied, but just make sure you're close enough with them that they would tell you if they were, and then if they do by chance face bullying, you can stop it before it gets way out of hand.
     
  6. Penpal

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    My friend has done this and the kids haven't questioned it. They have taken it as normal. People get bullied for no reason at all. It depends on the children concerned. Either way you and your children will deal with it. The important thing is you love them and they love you. They will be brought up with a lovely dad and that's all that matters. They are young this is a good time for them to learn about all this. No one has influenced them, they have a chance of being brought up without prejudice. How amazing is that. I want that for my boys. Oh to be free of homophobia what a gift! X
     
  7. Penpal

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    You have been a good dad Richie. You have been open with your kids. Your kids will see that. What I have learnt from my kids is as much as you want them to be happy they want you to be happy too. My 6 year old has taught me that! It will be fine.
     
  8. Yossarian

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    I would expect that, if anything, they might be "teased" about their dad being gay, more than being bullied. Teasing is a sort of bad behavior, but it is not the same as physical abuse or being ostracized and therefore excluded from social groups they feel a need to be in. Keep talking to your kids and make sure that they know you want them to tell you if anyone is bothering them at school, and if it does begin to happen, get to the school and let the staff and teachers there know it is going on so they can try and stop it before it becomes standard treatment for your kids by the other kids. Then sit down with them and make it clear to them that you are comfortable with being who you are, and therefore they should feel no embarrassment about it if the other kids taunt or say something about YOU to THEM, and they should tell the kids taunting them that it is no big deal to them, so all they are doing is making fools of themselves and should bug off. Or something like that.
     
  9. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Richie,

    Of course things could be the other way round and your kids friends may think you’re a cool dude especially if you’re into making music.

    Perhaps sometime before your kids realise the other guy is your boyfriend and begin to realise that being gay is different you could mention to the school what your situation is. Find out what diversity teaching is in place so that other kids in the class are aware that “different types of family” exist and it’s perfectly normal so they don’t grow up with prejudices. This reminds me of the lyrics of a song from the musical South Pacific that essentially deals with mixed race prejudice and points out to a child that “You’ve Got To Be Carefully Taught” to hate and discriminate because it doesn’t come naturally. So getting in early with diversity lessons before the other kids in the class get on the wrong wavelength is perhaps a good thing to do.

    Sadly in this day and age it shouldn’t be necessary to say this but the unfortunate reality is you may also have to think about the parents of your kids friends, especially religious ones, and how will they react, perhaps they may not want their kids playing with your kids and your kids would find that hurtful and need help in understanding why. I very much hope this is not the case but it’s also possible that if this sort of situation arises your kids may become resentful to you because of the actions of their friends parents.

    I don’t want to say this but I think you should be extra careful and be on guard for any false accusations of anything inappropriate around your kid’s friends especially if their parents disapprove of you being gay. I would guess that perhaps the school has advice for male teachers being around kids and how to reduce the opportunity of being accused falsely of god knows what. I also think I’ve seen reference on EC mention of a book with advice for gay parents that may cover some of the issues that may come up as your kids go through school.

    Hope this helps

    SGG
     
    #9 SaleGayGuy, Nov 9, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2014
  10. QueerTransEnby

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    If you have children in their teens, I think you owe it to come out to them. They need to understand the dynamics of your relationship. I think it would be a hard transition for the kids to see him as a roommate or friend of yours than to have him shift to a role of parent. It is up to you, but I think it would make it easier for them once you make him an authority figure in the home.

    As far as bullies, kids will target any type of weakness they say. If the kids are at all uncomfortable with the relationship with this guy in the home, they could appear more withdrawn in social settings or even bully someone else unfortunately as acting out.
     
  11. Biotech49

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    About a week after I came out to my boys (two college and one in high school at the time), my youngest son happened to be in a very anti-gay conversation about gay people while in his trig class. He mentioned that I was a lesbian and that he had a gay brother. The question came up as to how a lesbian could have kids. My son says, "She has a uterus".

    If your children are comfortable with your orientation they will be comfortable with others. If they love you, they will stand up for you. If they are bullied, stick by them, support them, tell the authorities. My boys weren't bullied for me being a lesbian but my oldest son was bullied for being gay (he came out at 12). Everything pretty much calmed down when he was allowed (by me and by school authorities) to turn around and smack someone who was harassing him. Not that violence is the answer, but in his case it worked very well.