hello! im excited to be part of this as i've been looking for some support. im married to a very nice man, been married for 14 years, been together for 20. i am 37 years old. we have 2 children, good jobs, a house, cars, debt, etc...we are in this life deep together. we have never had any sexual chemistry, none whatsoever. ive been having sex with him for 14 years dutifully. we are friends and do life well together because it's been so long. but, i want to leave him and live as a lesbian. ive been seriously dating a woman now for 9 months, known i was gay for a loooong time but didn't know if that makes any sense. my poor husband is so in love with me, he is absolutely devastated that this is happening and is really in complete denial despite the fact that i've told him im gay many times. i don't have enough money to be out on my own and im scared of what the change will do to my children. what happens if i leave him and things don't work out with her and im single for the first time in my life? i've been out and about in gay venues and i don't seem to fit into the gay scene or the hetero scene, i often feel sooo old. anyway, just venting here. has anyone been thru the same thing or something similar. any advice/thoughts?
Hi Power. Welcome to EC. I was in the same place as you, but I'd been in it longer, which only meant that I felt even more deeply vested. I can't tell you what to do, or offer any guarantees. I can tell you that to walk away from all that is scary and hard and sad and that takes a great deal of sacrifice and compromise - if you're going to do it well. But I can also tell you that when you find yourself in a place of peace, doing things out of desire vs. obligation, it feels worth every hardship, every tear, every gray hair you suffered to get there - and then some! Good luck!
PowertotheShe, please take a deep breath and relax for a few min. I know exactly how you feel right now our stories are really close , 2 kids ,wife 20 years together. I also am scared to go out on my own too I am disabled and so is she so we both are limited on money . I can only say this be strong and know that there are so many great people here on EC they have literaly saved my life and that is the honest true I tried to do it 2 times now I am not proud of it at all. Just remember we are here if you need to talk please please talk to someone here I would be glad to talk I know that others here are willing to talk . Do let it get you down ! I know this is extremely hard but you are a strong and I know that you can do this , I want to tell you something that a really great friend here on EC told me . You can do anything you put your mind to ,and it is time to make you happy and not worry about others they will make it just fine worry about you and everything will fall into place !! I say that to my self every day and it keeps me going . I am so happy you are here and please message me if you ever need to talk your new friend Billy.
Welcome to EC! There are many people in a similar situation. While I'm not planning to leave my marriage, a lot of people here are working through the steps to make that happen. Good luck to you.
Some of the stories in this thread might give you a bit of comfort. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/143948-has-never-happened-before.html?
