Today has been a really bad day I had to tell my best friend that I can never ever talk to or see him again because it is killing me how he treats me and tells me that he wants me and he loves me then he turns around and treats me like crap ! I sent him a long text message telling him how I felt about him/us and how it hurts the way he treats me .I all I ever did was love him and want to be together .My therapist thinks that I need to stop talking to him all together and I told my friend that tonight and all he could say was OK goodbye . That hurt me so bad because on this last Sunday he told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me and then this morning he told me to f off ! My wife has been trying so hard to keep us together but I am not happy with her and I keep trying to tell her I can't do it anymore but she does not want to hear it . I am so freaking confused right now I could cry .
Keep your head up! You are doing very well in telling your bf to keep the distance from you. It takes a lot of courage to do that. I'm sure that in the future you will find somebody who loves you as much as you love him and treats you how you deserve to be treated. The situation with your wife is tricky. You must do what you feel is the best thing to do. It is not my place to give you recommendations. But, I think, that it serves nobody if you have to force yourself to stay with your wife just to please her, because it will make you ultimately just more unhappy. Also, your kids are now at an age where they are more independent and might understand your torn feelings better. Try to be positive! (I know there are times when it's hard)
This whole experience is complicated enough without having someone in your life who you're invested in emotionally, but who is unpredictable and inconsistent and messes with your emotions. And as you say, your wife is part of this too, and where it sounds as though she was being cruel and abusive before, now she's going overboard to keep you. Dealing with her is the first priority. Well really, keeping yourself mentally and physically healthy is the first priority, and she's second. Something to be careful about, though, is the new relationships you choose to be involved in. From what I've gathered in your other posts, it sounds like your wife doesn't treat you all that well to begin with. I had similar experiences, and finally realized that emotionally speaking, I was basically laying myself on the porch by the front door, and then feeling miserable because she kept wiping her feet on me. Part of what I wanted to accomplish with coming out was feeling better about myself AND being TREATED better too. We tend to gravitate towards what we know and what we're comfortable with, and that goes for relationships as much as anything else. Just because you accept that you like guys doesn't mean you will automatically like guys who are good for you, and there ARE abusive gay relationships too. Physically AND emotionally. I was very determined to avoid replaying my relationship with my wife, just with an added Y chromosome, but it takes a conscious effort to change your sense of self-worth and realize that you deserve better. And that being alone isn't a bad thing if it means you're NOT with someone cruel or insulting or messed up. Be careful, and be kind to yourself. You seem like a very kind and caring person. Make sure you're treating yourself with the same kindness and care that I know you apply to other people. Your EC friends care about you! (*hug*)
Thanks for the advise everyone I am glad that I am here I don't know what I would do with out you all
It sounds like you are in a really tough spot right now. I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this.
