male gay later in life poll - what age out/questioning?

I came out at age 19, so I'm officially too young for your poll.

But I will answer for my boyfriend, who came out at 22 with my help. He had described knowing that he was gay at some level, but had always buried it deep, and never thought about it. I imagine if I hadn't had come along, he'd have married a woman, and not realized he was gay until much later in life.

Prior to meeting him, I have to admit I'd always held a small reserve of judgement for people who come out late in life. I realize that was wrong, as often people don't understand themselves until it's too late! So I understand that a bit better now.

I do believe that with the right support, anyone can begin that process of self discovery. That's one of the reasons I think resources like these forums are so great!

 

I'll go with "officially" 50+ because that's when I really started coming out, although I was quite aware I was attracted to guys already in my late teens and early 20's. I just had this notion in my head that "gay" was a lifestyle choice, not an orientation, and I wasn't comfortable with the gay stereotypes at the time, and also expected that if I came out, I'd be rejected by my family and then not accepted by the gay community. So I towed the traditional line and convinced myself I could make a go of a straight marriage.

Considering that at 53 I'm both ending (slowly) my straight marriage and embarking on a very positive and loving gay relationship, I can say quite honestly that it's never too late to accept who you are and make the best of it. It sure beats the alternative of being a shadow of a person, which I was for all too long.

 

54, just a couple weeks before my 55th birthday. I looked at myself in the mirror, literally, and said that I was gay. I came out to myself. I didn't plan to do that, or have some idea that I would say it to a mirror. I was just in the bathroom doing whatever, was in front of the mirror, and came out to myself. I haven't come out to very many other people since then and still consider myself in the closet, but there really has been no turning back since that day. After a lifetime with sex with men, it should have been obvious long before, and anyone but me who knew my history would have had no problem seeing it decades before I did. But the fact is, there was nobody else who knew my history, not my real history; only the make believe history that I created with my make believe personal. I worked pretty hard at believing it myself. it's been two steps forward, one step back; one step forward, 6 steps back, 1 step forward... you get the idea. but I am further along than I was in 2010 when I came out to myself, and that day, that moment, was a light year further along that where I was just a tiny moment before. Long answer? well, this is the first time in my life that I have both had the opportunity to share and the knowledge that someone is listening (based on the many caring responses that I've been getting to my posts). You know, I didn't think that I could ever get up to 40 posts in two weeks, but my gosh, I haven't even been trying and they've just been clicking along because I have just been opening up on these fora. I have so needed this! It's just another baby step, I know, but if bigger steps happen, I will share it on EC.

 

I started question really all throughout my teens and college and thought it was a phase. Then after losing my job last year, I did some real soul searching. The tidal wave of LGBT support nationally convinced me that life could get better. Thankfully, I had some allies I already knew and some that I "discovered" who were older and unexpected, like my older cousins and 2 aunts. It is still a process though as I am sure you guys are aware. Once you get to be older, the larger your social circle is over time, even though they may not be the closest of folks in your life. It is truly a process being that I have yet to come out to church people, neighbors, ex-coworkers etc.

 

I knew very early on that I wasn't straight--thought I could just be bi until about 21 when I came to terms with the fact that I was gay. Told everyone within a year (around 22). Now I'm 43.

 

Re: male gay later in life poll - what age out/questioning?

First time here, 53, building up courage to move towards accepting the Idea that I may be Gay, of course I have always known but have suppressed that idea all my life, I need support.

 

I knew in my early teens but denied it to myself for far too long. Had my mirror moment a year ago at 44. No turning back after that. Have been doing a lot of catching up this past year. Still working on guilt over the impact on wife and kids but things are moving in the right direction.

 

I had been casually questioning my sexuality since my early teens, but seriously, only in March of this year 2014. Currently I'm questioning my sanity. Needed something new to question, it would seem.

 

As I reflect on my journey, and I look back on my life, I actually think I first came out to myself when I was in my late teens. I remember sitting in bed sobbing with tears with the realization that I was probably gay.

However, I never formally admitted it to myself and I insisted that I was bi. I convinced myself that I was sexually attracted to both sexes, as I continued to be with both sexes. And I pushed the closet door shut on really coming out.

After I married, I simply ignored it. I focused on my career and poured all of my energy into it. I was emotionally unattached to both myself and my family; having buried my feelings deep inside. I actually felt numb for about 17 years.

When I was 40, I began questioning my happiness. I had a wonderful wife, great kids, a successful career, and would convince myself that I was happy. All the while I drank, ate a lot, gained a massive amount of weight and never slept.

It was when I was 42 the I had my catalyst moment and finally came out completely to myself. Quickly thereafter came out to my family, friends and work mates. Two years on, I could not be happier! I feel complete. I am in a very deep and committed relationship, I have lost about 50 pounds, completely stopped drinking, am now fit and in great health and I feel full of passion and emotion - genuinely content.

 

I came out at 32. Known from a very early age. Accepted this year

 

I am realizing how lucky I was by being in this site.

I never had questioning period. I was always been interested in guys, started "playing" with them from early age and accepted it without any fuss at age of 15.

For coming out. I don't feel any preasure to officially come out. Maybe if I will have a partner in future but for now I neither deny nor accept anything, I just live my life the way I like it.

 

34 years old when I accepted it myself, I remember thinking when I was 26 I could have been gay but wasn't accepting it then. Told my first friend that I was attracted to guys when I was 35.

 

God, this sounds so totally familiar, except that my timeline was a little different. I had totally forgotten this, but I remember getting sloppy drunk with my college roommate (whom I had a huge crush on, and he knew it--and he came out a couple years later), and sobbing to him that "I don't WANT to be gay!" I never drank, but food was my drug of choice and I've lost 100 lbs. since I started coming out. I had my health screening at work today and my BP was 110/70, cholesterol was 161, and I feel more vital and happy than I did at 40 or even 30. Coming out was the best thing I ever did for myself.

 

really just in the past year. this past spring was my light bulb moment.
:eusa_danc

 

just to add, i've lost about 30 pounds since my split fromt the ex. maybe the lessening of stress after coming out to my son will help me loose some more. :icon_bigg

 

Out, only a year or so ago, to the people I am actually out to. Questioning? I guess I have been questioning for most of my adult life, but not in such an overt way, more like questioning why I seemed different from other guys in terms of my feelings towards women in general, or lack thereof. When you don't have terminology for your emotions, and nobody to talk to about it, you tend to go around in circles within your head. You don't have a clear perception of the question, or the binary simplicity of the possible answers; you just have confusion. Then you get married and play the role of husband that you have seen everyone else play, not knowing that they fall naturally into the behavior and you don't, because you know only what YOU feel, not what everyone else feels.

This is what you have until someday something happens and suddenly you have both the question, and the answer which explains why everything has been like it has. After that, the only thing which remains is what you are going to do about it.

 

The typical narrative seems to be, "I knew from an early age, but didn't accept it until much later on." For me, it was nothing like that - I assumed I was straight, and since I had some interest in the opposite sex (fantasies, masturbation, crushes, etc.), that's what I went with. It wasn't until my early twenties after entering my first relationships that I noticed a definite shift in interest, although the quality of those relationships probably quickened the process for me.

I'm still trying to figure out why it took me so long. Some might advocate a sexual fluidity argument, while others could list reasons like being sheltered, repression, and lack of interest. Maybe it's some combination of all? There were rumors early on, and I assumed it was just something idiot kids would say about anyone and everyone.

 

Started comming out, more seriously... this year. Finally managed to go "full out" yesterday.

Had my suspicions ~10, was somewhat sure ~15, denied it till ~22, didn't care till ~25, accepted from there on.