Catholic and gay?

Well Wildside-I am a recovering Mormon. Can be in the Church if I live a celibate life and not have a partner. Not going there man!! Was told by a Church leader that I needed to be happy!!

 

My ex and children would not let me live that way! Gossip is going around about me already!! I use to be Bishop (kind of like a Catholic Priest). So you are still married?

 

I'm a cradle Catholic and am still very active in the parish I grew up in, as an organist, cantor, choir member and religious education music teacher. I know I've been very fortunate in that so far, I've gotten far more criticism from gays for being Catholic than I've gotten from Catholics for being gay.

I'm in two local gay Catholic support groups, and met my boyfriend at one of them (after getting to know him anonymously right here on EC first). The groups are very kind and affirming. Once the news started drifting around the parish, I let the music and religious education directors know so they wouldn't be blindsided. One of them told the pastor, who said none of my involvement would change, and people should mind their own business.

A reporter from a metro newspaper was doing a story on the support groups and I spoke to her, and was quoted in the article on a first name basis, but my story was recognizable enough that several people figured out it was me. My pastor then put an article in the bulletin cautiously welcoming of gays. I emailed him back with appreciation, and told him he was welcome to give my contact info to anyone in a similar situation who wanted support from someone else who'd been through it.

I'm not naive enough to think it will always be this easy. But my religion has gotten me through the worst times in my life, and so far being gay hasn't resulted in whole scale rejection.

 

Chioirboy-Good for you. The Mormons are accepting of gays, but they have to live a celibate life, no partners, to be in full fellowship. I was a member for 36 years and yes I got through many hard times with the support of members (friends). I am out, but not really accepted though in reality. My former friends do not talk to me. The members gossip about me. Human nature I guess, with a lot of religion in the mix. Support groups only exist in Utah. Needless to say, with the new Pope, things are getting better for Catholic gays.

Wildside. It was hard for me to come out to my wife and family. Felt so bad hurting her. I was just so tired of hiding and suppressing my feelings. And yes, it was hard telling her. I still love her very much and she me. Even after the dissolution, she has asked me to come back. No going back man. Yes I have been called selfish and prideful and a deadbeat by my children (all grown and married). If you need to talk I am here for you!! Know that I am still struggling. So we will be helping each other.

 

No rant...

I tried to reconcile being gay and Catholic but could not. I decided it was much like a battered woman returning to her man repeatedly for more abuse. I walked away from the Catholic church and it was easy. You may ask how can the Catholic church improve if people walk away, and all I can say is I am right with God and myself and that is what matters.

I believe the current line you caanot cross is same sex marriage. That will totally cut you off.

 

Some "they" will dump you if you marry and some will not. It depends on the "they". And there's a big difference between conservative parishes and more open ones, so if you are in the right one, you may be very warmly accepted.

I posted in another thread that I regard reconciling my Catholic faith and the "party line" towards homosexuality in much the same way that I think of working a job I really love, with people I truly care about, with a good boss and immediate management, but with idiotic executives that are out of touch with the people actually doing the work. As long as their messed-up management style doesn't sabotage the good stuff going on at my level, I'll keep the job. If it screws me over, I'm out of there. But I'm not going to take the bad attitude of some of the upper echelon, or a few dysfunctional departments, as enough of a reason to quit. I'm not asking anyone else to work there and I'd have to qualify any recommendation to apply for a job there, but I'm not leaving either.

So far my experience has been accepting enough, or not UN-accepting enough, that I'm happy to keep the traditions and the community that I'm used to and comfortable with. Once Richard and I are in a position to legally marry, that could change. Or maybe it won't. I won't know until it happens. At the moment, I can affect more positive change from within than by being bitter and angry and critical on the outside, and I feel that I have a responsibility to be visible and work to make things better.

However, I have absolutely zero tolerance for people who haven't been involved for years but still feel the need to take potshots at the church because of their own personal bad experiences decades ago, or because their grandmother or grandfather was poorly treated in 1902, or because they heard of people getting tortured turning the Spanish Inquisition. I stayed in the closet for decades in part because I was uncomfortable with gay stereotypes and because the few gay men I did come in contact with were damning and unaccepting of me because I didn't fit their set of expectations. It was wrong of me to paint the community with such a broad brush, and I'd never do it again. If someone has had direct, recent or ongoing bad experiences with Catholicism, then they have my empathy and concern and I'd be interested in any rant they had. If you haven't been involved for decades and are still whining that the nuns were mean to you or your priest who's been dead since 1974 was bigoted, then take it to someone else. And if you feel the need to belittle it our of general principles, or me for being part of it, or poke fun at it as if it's some kind of freak show, then perhaps it's time you moved on to something that's actually applicable to your daily life.

 

Choirboy,

Nobody attacked you. Nobody ranted.

Your closing paragraph is over the top.

Is there unresolved anger on your part?

Yes, things like this in the media are disconcerting if you are gay;

Pope Francis Excommunicates Australian Priest Who Advocated For Gay Marriage And Female Clergy

But nobody attacked you here. Nobody attacked your congregation.

People are allowed personal experience here, correct? Why the anger for people with alternate experience regardless of timeline?

Nobody here can change the headlines. We cannot write the media stories. We cannot change or deny our experience to suit your sensibilities.

What is driving this anger?

 

I wasn't the one who likened the church to a wife-beater, Tom. And my experiences are based on positive things that have happened to me personally, recently, in my own life, not things that have been reported in the media to prove someone's point, or things that I experienced as a child or a young adult. I wouldn't dream of suggesting that everyone join up. And if you had bad experiences in the past, then I'm sad to hear that. But if someone tells me not to buy a Ford today because their dad's 1960 Ford was a lemon, I may listen politely, but I'll get tired of it after awhile, and I won't lend it much credence.

 

Not to step in the middle of anything, but...

I can't offer personal experience, yet, as I am not out to anyone in my church, which isn't Catholic anyways, but protestant.

But, if you are also looking for something more like a theological/scriptural investigation into homosexuality and Christianity, this is a resource I have found that struck me personally as a very well presented, logically sound, and compelling point of view:
https://www.gaychristian.net/justins_view.php

 

Pointless duscusion with zealots who allow no other experience but their own.

You ever become homeless over catholic homophobia? You ever lost a relationship with a sibling over catholic homophobia?

You are the problem by endorsing this as good.

I lived it. Enjoy mass as others suffer.

 

Well in the catholicc catechism it does state that the state of being gay is not a sin, just sex. Sex is a sin for everyone outside of marriage, but since gays cannot be married, they are automatically sinning if they have sex, understand?

However, you may note that it's also stated that Catholics are called to not discriminate against gays or any sinners.

It's interesting to read the encyclicals and catechism's comments on the issue, though it's never in a positive light. Though we know from them that the Catholics that advocate hurting homosexuals don't know their religion well.

Not catholic myself sorry. Just had 12 years of catholic education. Actually wanted to be a priest, but after seeing the church from the inside, I changed my mind forever.

 

Holding onto your past pain only hurts you. Let it go and you shall be free.

 

I'm Christian myself so I can't really add much, but Jesus knows our hearts so whether we keep it a secret or shout it from the rooftops we're still us.

That's why it's really beautiful how we are all equally condemned but all equally redeemed; regardless of orientation, drinking habits, or skin colour.

So I say be honest, since if it's already in heart it is in action indeed.

Past that just ask God.

 

Your sexuality is something you were born with; it may evolve over time to whatever it was going to be, but it not something you have a choice about; I think all of us HERE agree on that. Your church, if you attend one, is NOT something in your DNA, or your parents' DNA, or anything which you inherited biologically. It CAN be changed, at will, any time you want to change it. The fact that your parents were born to Catholic, or Protestant, or Buddhist parents, which steered them into "your" religion, and your parents raised you under it does not prevent you from choosing a different religion that respects who you are, or no religion at all, instead of fighting a religion which is not appropriate for you. It is all just unverifiable belief anyway, so believe what you want to, and associate with people who care about you instead of scorn you. My 2 cents, worth at least what is costs, which isn't even 2 cents.