I'm only 18, but I'm starting to think I won't be able to come out until later in life. Mainly because I don't know what to come out as. I hate being closeted, but it's my only option right now.
Its OK you will figure it out just try and relax and take a big deep breath ! We are all here for you and don't judge we support our friends . It will all work out in the end I know that you will do great !
How did you survive the closet for so long? I feel like I have to be closeted because my anxiety problems make me constantly second guess my sexuality.
Well to be honest after I got out of high school I lost track of my crush and with that I stopped feeling that way I found him not too long ago and just last month we got into this huge fight and all of a sudden my feelings came back so hard I could not think straight and I am still trying to figure out what is going on in my head ! It has been a real struggle to deal with it all. I suffer from depression I also have anxiety so bad that it gives me the feeling of have a heart attack .All I can do is push my self every day and keep smiling . I can only give you the same advise to you just keep your head up and keep smiling it will all work out in the end . So good luck my new friend
The only thing I can do right now is post a bunch of stuff online or try to distract myself. I don't think distracting myself will work forever.
Maybe while you're posting a bunch of stuff online to distract yourself, start a blog to catalogue your thoughts and feelings. There's even a blog section on this site. Kind of like a diary. And it doesn't have to be public if you don't want it to. Having your thoughts in front of you / in writing often helps to make things clearer.
yeah, that's exactly my problem! for me, I deal with a lot of anxiety and depression; but I know it comes from the stress of being in the closet. we're ready when we're ready, I guess...
Many of us have been pushed back in the closet for a variety of reasons; self denial, hope to convert feelings, society pressure, and so on. But we are here to discuss our experiences and the most important of which that I found so far is to first to be truthful to one's self conscious. Do not allow yourself to lie about who you are, because if you do, you'll end up something link me who stepped into the closet willingly, and was stuck in a marriage for more than 20 years. You not only sacrifice your own well being but you then include others (wife and kids) in your untruthfulness game. You're still young and you have time to figure things out slowly. Just remember to be truthful about your feelings to yourself first and foremost.
You can come out as "undecided" or "apparently not straight, but haven't exactly worked out the details yet". That's totally fine. Lex
I'm extremely uncomfortable coming out as questioning. I'd rather come out as bi, than questioning. I don't really know why I'm uncomfortable coming out as questioning. It's extremely embarrassing that I'm still somewhat questioning my sexuality. That's why I hide my sexuality.
Hi, Sepulse. I don't want to push you beyond your comfort level in sharing, but could you say more about why questioning your sexuality is extremely embarrassing? Having worked with high school age youth in a variety of settings, it seems pretty common to me that lots of young men and women don't have it all completely figured out at 18. On the other hand, there are certainly contexts (such as in the rural, deep south) that can be very threatening. I guess I hear your reflections, while clearly frustrated and poignant, as pretty normal! At any rate, I love your bravery for sharing here! Thank you for that!
The reason I suggest it is because it gets more people in your corner. As long as you remain closeted (by which I mean "everybody in my life just assumes I'm straight"), nobody is going to know you're dealing with this stuff. And as such, they won't be able to provide support, or a friendly ear, or even give vague suggestions or ideas. They're in fact likely to say things that might prove a bit insensitive ("why don't you go out with that guy?") in retrospect. I don't mean to suggest you have to broadcast where you are in the sexuality/certainty graph at every given moment, but it certainly helps to have friends you can talk to about this stuff. Lex
I can totally relate to this. Coming out as "questioning" makes you appear uncertain, indecisive, or half-baked. Whether or not they approve, people understand what gay and even bi mean -- but questioning? It implies a degree of flakiness, an instability of character that goes beyond sexual orientation. I have felt this myself a great deal, which is why I've really pulled back from a lot of my relationships as I work through my identity issues.
