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Seed planted?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Really, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. Really

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    Well... I think the ball might be rolling now. Just finished a casual dinner with mom and sibs where I joked about being a man now (apologies to any ftm), wherupon my sister asked, "what's the difference?", seeing as I do all these guy-like things - I'm a do-er, she is not. A bunch of laughter ensued, amidst which I suggested we could compromise, I'll be gay.
    Then as we were cleaning up, I recalled my brother wanted to use the workbench for something and I told my sister I would help him because I'm more manly than him. More laughter.
    I realize this is not how most people would bring up this serious subject but we all have a strange rapport and I usually do "stand-up" when we all get together. My mom appreciates me breaking the ice because it can get a bit gloomy sometimes.
    So, anyway. I hope I can use this to my advantage later on when I actually become a practicing lesbian. If I get any questions, I'm going to say, "I told you. That night we had Chinese takeout."
    If I start to feel sick later, I'm going to blame it on the Chinese food.
     
  2. waterfall

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    A practicing lesbian huh! Only you would come up with a way to phrase it that would make me smile at the end of a very long day.
    Keep planting those seeds. For everyone the right way has to be their way. The way they feel most comfortable. I always dropped hints and when it came time to tell it all it was no shock, believe me. I'm a rip the bandaid off slowly type of person ( make sure no skin comes off with it ) where some like to make it quick and live with whatever epidermal loss it incurs. The important thing is that you've " planted the seed " as you said.
    Ok, so no getting sick. Give them time to think about your words. My son told me a few years ago that when you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, scared put on your running shoes and run ( come back of course ) but it's amazing how much it helps! :slight_smile:
     
  3. LittleLionGirl

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    I wonder if I should have practiced more before I hit the big time... oh well, nothing for it now.

    But good for you Really. I did much the same and as things turned out I had a couple of those immediate family members asking me before I was even ready to tell. And the none of the rest were surprised in the least - just took it in stride and moved on to the questions about dating. It didn't happen over night, but all good things in time, right?
     
  4. Choirboy

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    You may be dropping seeds, or you may actually be fertilizing some big strapping saplings that have been growing for years. I've told several family members, whose reactions ranged from mild surprise to "Well, I had kind of wondered...." to the latest one, which was "I've thought you were gay for the last 35 years, and I'm so very happy that you're finally accepting it enough to tell people".

    The rapport you have sounds familiar to what I have with a few cousins and occasionally my sisters. Cherish it! My youngest sister recently played on my overblown sense of family to start planning a family reunion for about 200 people, and in a text conversation with her and a couple cousins I pointed out that my new-found fabulousness did NOT necessarily include event planning. (That remark led to the comment from one of the cousins about knowing I was gay for 35 years). Good reactions aren't guaranteed, but so very often if we show people the same respect and kindness and ease that we hope to get from them, things aren't half bad.
     
  5. Really

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    Thx all.
    WF: Strangely, I don't feel sick so maybe it didn't take? Oh, well, it's in the ether now. As for the run - yes - have to counteract that dinner, anyways.
    LLG: Wait. Dating? Good grief, does it never end? Kidding. And what practice tips might you have?
    CB: Yes. I do recognize that my family has a pretty good relationship compared to others, despite having vastly different personalities. My sister often gets my to help her with stuff that I'm flabbergasted she won't or can't do herself. I don't mind but now I'm starting to think, "These aren't strictly lesbian activities. What gives?"
     
  6. Penpal

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    Really you've done good! One step towards true happiness! Next meal you need to wear a rainbow badge or something ;-)
    Your family sound so lovely, very jealous x
     
  7. Really

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    Thx Penpal. I guess they'll be ok. They are quite laid back. But I do think a rainbow badge would throw them off, if they even noticed it. If I wear more than two solid colours at a time, it's unusual. And one of them is usually jeans so...not big into flash.
    (I have this interesting patterned blouse that, I swear, every time I wore it to work, the server would crash. Since I was on the team that was responsible for the network, it made me a bit paranoid. So... I'm not there any more but am still suspicious of that top.)
     
  8. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    planting seeds sounds like a good strategy to me, Really. I have gradually moved into acting more and more like I would act if I were "out'" So instead of worrying about if people suspect, I just pretend that everyone already knows. My hope is that it makes it more natural for me, and if anyone asks I can just answer as honestly as any out person. I've been acting like I was out with gay men for a long time, so this is just another way for me to feel more comfortable with who I am. Because, if I'm not comfortable with it, how can I expect anyone else to be? thanks for sharing your experiences. they give me hope!
     
  9. Choirboy

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    Once I accepted myself as gay and told one or two people, I did find myself acting more "gay ", first unconsciously and then more consciously. It was enough so that my boss at the time, who is gay, figured it out long before I told him.

    It's very liberating to just behave the way you want to after years of caution. And if it sends a subtle message then so much the better!
     
  10. Penpal

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    Thx Penpal. I guess they'll be ok. They are quite laid back. But I do think a rainbow badge would throw them off, if they even noticed it. If I wear more than two solid colours at a time, it's unusual. And one of them is usually jeans so...not big into flash.
    (I have this interesting patterned blouse that, I swear, every time I wore it to work, the server would crash. Since I was on the team that was responsible for the network, it made me a bit paranoid. So... I'm not there any more but am still suspicious of that top.)[/QUOTE]

    Ha! You are funny! I get told off at work for not being superstitious! Passing on the stairs, walking under ladders etc. Come to think of it perhaps that's why my life's such a mess now! Off to find a penny!!!!

    ---------- Post added 25th Nov 2014 at 06:57 AM ----------

    Still can't get this quote thing right!
     
  11. LittleLionGirl

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    Penpal - only pick keep the penny if it's heads up. If it's tails up you need to give it away for it to be lucky.

    Contrary to Choirboy (I do so love being contrary to Choirboy) I became much more butch once I came out to myself but was still closeted to the world. Now that I'm out to the world, my pendulum is swinging back toward my more natural femme state. No longer need to try to broadcast subliminally.
     
  12. Choirboy

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    Hah, well I was never able to pull off butch when I was closeted so my....uh, pendulum has nothing to swing back to in that respect. Besides, I just think of it as my evolving fabulousness!
     
  13. looking for me

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  14. Penpal

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    [QUOTEPenpal - only pick keep the penny if it's heads up. If it's tails up you need to give it away for it to be lucky.][/QUOTE]

    You see this is where I have been going wrong. I didn't know this stuff.

    As for my coming out style I haven't done anything yet. I'm a jeans and t shirt girl not butch or girly! I suppose that puts me in the middle. Oh I guess that's right then! :slight_smile: