out to wife

Hey kindy,

It's good that you are seeking therapy with her and that you are getting their support. You will also need your therapist's support alone when it comes time to confront what appears to be the inevitable...

Your relationship with her is exactly what mine was, and it was a good thing that we ended it. In truth, divorce is no guarantee of happiness, it's just the right thing to do in this circumstance.

It ends at least one kind of pain.

Get some rest, it's better to have a clear head when dealing with these things...

 

kindy, I totally understand what you are going threw only difference is my was hostile and abusive at first now she is trying her best to make me stay everything from guilt to massive amounts of sex which I do not want at all . Congrats on coming out !!!! If you ever want to talk just holler at me

 

I saw my ex the other day at a social event. Its been quite some time since I told her and we agreed to split. She was confident, gracious and seemed strong and independent.

I know I made the right decision.

 

Take it slow and use your therapist to guide you and help you through the process of clarifying your thoughts and revealing your true feelings to your wife. You will both need a lot of support through this.

 

You need to clarify things her because people need closure. Just be cause this is shut and dry for you doesn't mean that it is for her. Regardless of how you feel now, you were married for 21+ years. The fact that you've admitted to not even seriously trying not be friends with her to make her into a confidant is sad; even people forced into an arranged marriages learn that they need to do this . Despite the fact that you adopted, she is the mother of your kids and deserves that much respect (she could be a total B, you still show your partner some respect). Plus being friends with the ex is much better than having a long bitter, contentious divorce in which said former spouse uses you sexuality (and the young person you now live with) as ammunition to try and take most, if not all, of your parental rights away. I've seen it happen time again to both straight and gay men. Even the nicest angel in a broken marriage, can turn it bitter a hellspawn once the actual divorce starts (this is true of everyone regardless of gender).

 

When I went through this with my wife I found that being completely open and honest worked best for me. There was a lot of crying on both sides but over the course of a few weeks things started changing and acceptance set in with her. She is my best friend and I couldn't imagine not having her in my life and I'm glad that it went the way it did.

I know it feels like you have to clarify to someone that you have no feelings for, but you have to remember that she has/had feelings for you and by talking with her you can maybe ease her heartache.

EDIT: I see this was posted on November 25th. How are you doing after a little time?

 

I think that the fact that you are working with a therapist is fantastic, and it's probably a good idea to discuss it with the therapist and maybe even role play it a little bit with the therapist before going live with your wife. Yes, there needs to be some closure, but I think that there is such a thing as too much information. She knows that you are gay, and there are lots of books that she can find in the library or on amazon written by women married to gay men, if she really wants to get a vivid picture (though I'm not sure if that is the best thing either). But I guess my point is that she may want to know EVERYTHING, and you may provide so much detail that it only results in hurting her more. You know you're gay, you're therapist agrees, it sounds like your wife knows you live with a young boyfriend, so she would seem to have all the details she needs to be able to make her decisions and move on with her life. Next steps will be legal, and financial. You're further along in the process than I am, so take my thoughts for what they're worth. But those are the thoughts that I have about how I would be handling things if I ever get to that point. My last round of therapy was a long time ago, and not open and honest. If I get into therapy again, I will not hesitate to be completely honest. Sunlight kills off that which makes us sick!

 

That's great everyone deserves a friends who they can talk too .

 

Hey Im recently on this site...im still trying to figure out what to do at age 50, married with a 21 and 25 yo children, im so frustrated
My bigger problem is that im only attracted to younger guys so the chance of finding a young guy to be with is slim...i cant imagine how you went through this though. I guess if i did infact find someone i may, but there would be many surprised people for sure! good luck man

 

I understand what you're going through! you might even want to post this on a new thread, so that you get more advice from people who can identify where you're at. I'm 58, my children are also grown, and it took my most of my life to acknowledge to myself that I'm gay. As far as what to do, I suggest that a good thing to do is to keep sharing what you're going through on this site. I find that just typing it out has been really therapeutic for me. And lots of people respond with their own stories. most are pretty helpful. I finally tracked down an old friend and came out to him as a result of Empty Closets, and it really has made me feel much better. All of this is helping me feel less alone and less isolated. Now as far as your "type," that is, the kid of guy that you are attracted to, well, it's good for you to have figured out what you like. I wouldn't say that the chances of finding someone like that are slim. the fact is, there are lots of younger guys who like older guys too

 

There are plenty of daddy chasers out there.....

 

I am a queer woman who is married to a pansexual man.

str8s Mailing List Straight Spouse Network for support for your wife

COLAGE is a good organization for your son if he needs it and is old enough to be on the internet.

 

There are a lot of Sugar Babies out there for sure. But be sure not confuse those that are only interested in money with those that are interested in a real relationship, where any relationship should provide a degree of mutual security for each other - sometimes that security is emotional, sometimes its financial, sometimes its just a "perk".

Great to hear you have discovered your self confidence! Thats a massive leap forward.

 

This might not be where you are at, but for me, I think my emotional maturity level got stuck somewhere in my early 20's. I had viewed those older than me as authority figures with a high degree of skepticism. Only now am I starting to evolve and be more social with other "daddies". But I believe my maturity level is still playing quite a bit of catch up.

My partner is in his late 20's. He is very mature, educated, extremely responsible and independent. Seems to be the perfect fit for me.