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27 years old and my experience is pathetic

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ScrewedUp, Nov 26, 2014.

  1. ScrewedUp

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    Everyday I freak out more and more about how inexperienced I am.

    I missed the coming out boat in college despite having some gay kisses but once I came out at 23 I only had one experience. Now I am 27 and I am freaking out.

    Never had a relationship, never went beyond kissing. Terrified to meet anyone because I feel pathetic.

    I spent so much time getting wasted with straight friends or working 80+ hour weeks. I feel pathetic.
     
  2. shinji

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    Comming from a guy that is 27 years old and has never kissed / had a serious relationship.

    You have a choice, either continue focusing on what you think is stopping you from finding someone, or... Stop, stopping yourself by thinking this way, and actually get on working towards finding that right one.
     
  3. Aldrick

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    You are not pathetic. It is not uncommon to meet someone who is gay and sexually and romantically inexperienced. I have met men in their thirties and even forties who have never even had a romantic kiss before--this is not that big of a deal. It is not like you are walking around with some expiration date stamped on you that reads, "Must have fucked by and dated by XX/XX/XXXX."

    If you want to change your luck, then you are going to have to change what you are currently doing. This means you are actually going to have to go out there and do things to meet other people, make friends, and potentially open the door to some romantic relationships.

    Trust me, a guy who is interested in you is not going to discover that you have never had sex before or dated previously and suddenly go, "Well, you know what? I was all in until I learned that. Sorry, but now I am out!" Really, that is not going to happen.
     
  4. piano71

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    I had a similar experience. Didn't date in high school or college, was afraid to socialize in gay circles for several years after admitting to myself that I like guys. My first real date and intimate experience was at age 30.

    I buried myself in my studies, work (though not 80-hour weeks), and hobbies. Eventually I got tired of being alone all the time.

    It may actually be easier in the gay community than the straight community. Straight people have all these expectations heaped upon them about rites of passage, getting married by a certain age, etc. Enough gay men have lived outside of this mainstream that there's less judgment. And of course, overcoming the stigmas and internalized homophobia takes time.
     
  5. Wildside

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    let me add my voice to the choir shouting YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC, nor is your experience pathetic. actually I find it very endearing, and I have not doubt that a lot of others would feel that way. you sound really nice, and just be patient. I buried my feelings in booze and work for a few years when I was young, but as you already know, that doesn't work all that well. you're in the right place here on EC, with lots of other people sharing their experiences and giving encouragement. (&&&)
     
  6. Feng

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    You ain't pathetic at all!! None of us really are, I hope!! We can only speak for ourselves!!

    Living for the past year in Asia has freed me up a lot!1 I enjoy being gay and acting queenly tho I am still working on some of that internalised homophobia!! you need a lot of eyeliner and bellytops to eradicate that!!

    I'm 37 and only finding my feet!! was in a relationship for 11 years with a Woman I would still die for!! She even let me go to Gay bars, not that anything serious happened!! I have a penchant for falling for guys who are not that comfortable with the gay part of themselves!! That idea that everyone is gay seems particularly true here in China!! It can get frustrating!1 I even blew a guy in a public toilet here cos my Legit potential paramours all hads gfs!! It was an act of anger!! And a certain part of me is ashamed!! Another part celebrated!! Not so conflicted after all!!

    So give yourself a break!! Its only society and its ludicrous norms force us to think purity a dirty word

    Its not

    Things change quickly!! I would never have envisaged going down on a stranger in a toilet!!

    My george Michael moment
    xx
     
  7. White Knight

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    We were all inexperienced at some point. There is nothing wrong about it and nature knows how to guide you, so don't worry.

    If someone will treat you badly because of your lack of experience, believe me he won't worth your time and love. Just start to run as fast as you can. Biggest part of love/relationship is understanding and over coming obstacles.
     
  8. P25

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    You are certainly not pathetic, don't be so hard on yourself. I did not have my first experience until I was 26, and it was with the right person. Just think, you want your first experience with the right people...what good is experience if you have a trunk load but regret all of it. Make sure it is right for you, give off good energy and you and the right people will meet and it will be amazing. All in good time my friend...and I always believe that good things come to those who wait :wink:
     
  9. OnTheHighway

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    Hate to sound a bit cliche, but 27 is the new 17! You have your whole life ahead of you. No need to look back on what you have not done and everything to look forward to!
     
  10. Spaceman

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    My first gay kiss was a year ago at age 44. Plenty more since then. It's never too late.
     
  11. SemiCharmedLife

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    I only came out a year ago at 26. I was terrified that I was too late to the party. I was up front about this on my online dating profile and it may have scared a few guys off, but I managed to find me a boyfriend who's 31 and has only been out for 3 years so I felt comfortable and safe with him.
     
  12. KyleD

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    I'm also 27 and I've never even much as kissed another guy and I'm not out yet. You aren't pathetic.
     
  13. Highlander2

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    My first kiss with a man was at 40. Married and kissed plenty women, but always longed to feel the kiss of a guy. It blew me away when it happened and I am where I am now because of it :slight_smile: Go easy on yourself. Go with the flow and just see where it takes you. You'll know when it's the right thing to do. It just happens. Believe me.
     
  14. Fallingdown7

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    It's never too late; I'm just as inexperienced as you are and people are living longer now so It's easier for others to understand.
     
  15. kumawool

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    Don't freak out, make it a part of your life to find someone if that's what you want, but don't be afraid of this.

    Think logically: If you want to be in a steady relationship, and find someone, that's what they want as well, and you become experienced with each other.

    Note that being with many people doesn't always mean you're good at it!

    So rest your fears, and focus on what you want, not something that you do not have.
     
  16. 0617

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    Funny this post shows up now. I have been a lurker for awhile...I'll save the long story for another post but this topic is the one that finally made me register.

    Honey, if you are calling yourself pathetic (which you are absolutely not) I would hate to hear what descriptive words you would use to describe my experience. Oh wait, there wouldn't be many, cause there have been zero. And I mean zero. I am 38 and have never been so much as touched in a romantic way. No kiss. No nothing. I laughed out loud at the response about having a sign over your head saying "fucked by so and so date", because I swear when I walk into places I feel like I have a ticker above my head displaying "HUMAN FREAK...NEVER BEEN KISSED". I am not sure what is wrong with me. I don't think I am that hideous, but even so, it's not like only pretty people have "relations". I tried to play the straight route for most of my life and failed at that too and the prospects of me having any success on the other side, where I live, is not much better. I have only been asked out once, 20 years ago, by a dude in college. I must have some sort of biochemical scent that is repelling people. And yes, I do shower. I have bad days where I think that this will not ever change.

    I'm not sure if this is helping, but sometimes when I would get on here and read through posts it was slightly encouraging to read posts that were familiar. And if not, just think, take heart, you're not 38 with the same problem.....plenty of time to add experiences. :icon_wink
     
  17. kenethtes

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    You are not the only one.at least u have one experience ,i have none at all.but i dont think i am pathetic. having lot of experience does not guarantee u ,perfect future relationships.so believe urself.
     
  18. skiff

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    Hi Kenethtes,

    My first naive sex experiences was with my best friend. We have not talked in decades. We lead very different gay lives.

    Recently he told me about his 500 counted sex partners (where he stopped counting and estimates 800 now), his HIV+ status, his never being loved, his only love attempting to strangle him, and his current mental health issues regarding his life. I remenber him as a great friend, a brain in school, the world was his oyster. He lives in a homeless shelter now.

    What what was being said about experience... or lack of it...?

    Tom
     
  19. forestguy

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    You're not pathetic and you're not alone. I only had my first kiss ever a little over a year ago and I'm 27. I know what it's like to get stuck in that cycle of feeling pathetic and only worsening your situation. At least you have friends. I struggled my whole adolescence and early adulthood to even manage that. The turning point for me was to finally come out to someone, so at least you've accomplished that too.
     
  20. Yossarian

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    27 years old? You're just a child. The first time a guy kissed me I was 67. :slight_smile: Quit worrying about your "experience" and go have some.