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Heuristcs

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, Nov 27, 2014.

  1. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi All,

    First; happy gratitude day

    Second; lets talk heuristics as defined by psychology.

    Definition: In psychology, heuristics are simple, efficient rules, learned or hard-coded by evolutionary processes, that have been proposed to explain how people make decisions, come to judgments, and solve problems typically when facing complex problems or incomplete information.

    Now what follows is MY opinion...

    Rules, learned and evoltionary coded to help make decisions... for me this underlies not only "gay" issues but all life issues. I believe as humans we seek heuristics, cling to them because not having to think about every issue deeply is so much easier.

    Coming out has smashed many of my heuristics in many ways. The "closet" allows you to observe the "rules" of a straight culture you do not belong to, but represents the heuristics you were taught which sets up so many internal conflicts.

    The social dream of spouse, children, house, white picket fence is a simple example of a very large heuristic. To achieve happiness follow this rule, follow this path and Nirvana awaits. But wait half of marriages fail, where is the Nirvana the rules promise?

    Many theologies (not necessarily rekigion) teach "love with no expectation of anything back". Turn the ither cheek type of love. How counter culture, eh? How anarchist, how 1969 hippie, what an out of the box way to live.

    I now have a dear friend who before my heuristics were smashed I would never have know. He is not only a opiate addict he is a felon. Before that would have sent me scurrying. Today I have a friend I love dearly (damn he is straight) who I have learned a lot from.

    Did you ever stop to think about the heuristics of discrimination? I never stopped tho think that; minority, gay, addict, felon, etc, etc are all treated in many similar ways. Society throws up knee jerk roadblocks to these groups as they are deemed bad or deviant .

    Take a simple one... "spinster". Negative connotations abound with the word for a woman who simply chose not to partner. Does "bachelor" ring in a similar fashion? Why not, it is simply a male who chose not to partner. It is all about social heuristics.

    I would say that 99.9% of human suffering is tied to heuristics and people struggling to comply to rules that don't fit them. And these rules are vague, contradictory and some down right evil. Two gay men in Syria were just stoned to death because social heuristics demanded it.

    So I ask... have you looked at what is causing you pain and suffering as a result of trying to conform to a scial heuristic that does not fit you?

    Be aware... when you start seeing the numerous illusory social heuristucs you will become an anarchist (hippie) pretty quickly. But that is ok if you follow one simple rule and take it to heart;

    Love, care, be kind with no expectation of getting anything back.

    People do cling to their heuristics like a purse full of gold so don't try to snatch it away from them. They have to give up their bag of illusory gold on their own or there is going to be a fight.

    So what is in your illusory bag of gold?

    Mine... I have this need of a life partner. It is a taught social heuristic I am dropping. It causes frustration, pain and anger. It is illusory. Impossible, human nature demands... No. It is like the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy discovers that the great and powerful Oz is a fraud "a very bad man", a very bad heuristic.

    So what bag of hammers are you carrying thinking it is gold?
     
  2. Perplexed1979

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    Even though i've realised i'm carrying a bag of hammers i'm finding it very difficult to let them go.
     
  3. skiff

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    Hi Perplexed,

    I am a child, a learner... only because coming out of the closet has erased many of my heuristics.

    Some may say; I am lost. But there is a huge reward in being lost... you search, you grope, you learn rather than following the blind brainwashed society...

    "If a blind person (society) leads a blind person (individual), both of them will fall into a hole."

    Better lost and learning than trapped in a hole.

    So are you worried if you drop the map leading to the hammer factory you will have no map at all?

    Curious bag of hammers, eh?
     
  4. Perplexed1979

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    Yes this is very much it.
    I too feel lost. I can also feel the freedom in being lost.
    I suppose i am at an early stage of this unravelling. I can't find my ground and it's tiring and unnerving. I'm trying to trust and see what happens.
    That in itself is exhausting. I don't see where the new bag of gold is going to appear from. I'd like a new bag of gold.
     
  5. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Bingo!

    I think you stumbled on it.

    Maybe there is no ground, maybe you don't need a bag of gold...

    Flying is easier and gold is tiring to carry.

    Maybe the only thing you can be certain of is uncertainty. Difficult to pack for uncertainty as you never bring the right stuff.

    I know that in coming out totally unexpected things have happened, both good and bad. Things I never imagined.
     
  6. sagebrush

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    What's dangerous is how these rules are powerfully reinforced in so many ways every day. The messages are subtly "hidden," yet pervasive — a background hum that easily goes unnoticed. (Comply and conform. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated...)

    It's taken me years to discover just how brainwashed/programmed I've become. Unraveling these rules and untangling myself from them—while also learning not to feel guilt or shame for doing so—has been terrifying, isolating, exhausting ... but also liberating! Once the background hum fades away, new and wonderful sounds emerge.