I'm new to this site and I don't really know where to start. I'm 34 and my life so far has been one confusing ride. I've always felt pretty boyish. Had a lot of male friends throughout my life. When I was a kid I'd want to dress like a boy. In the bath when I was washing my hair I'd slick it all back so it looked short and check myself out in the mirror. In my teens all my role models were men. And I've always looked at girls as 'the other.' I'm shyer around them and don't quite understand them. I'm hurt when they reject whereas with men I can just brush it off. I've tried to have relationships with men, but they have gone wrong in all sorts of ways... So I've kinda admitted to myself that I'm gay. Even told my family about it. But I've never been with a girl to confirm it. And now, at 34, I feel like I'm past a stage where I can start. How can I take the first step when I've got no experience whatsoever to back it up?
Hey LeeAndrews, Welcome to EC! Experience is what people call their own mistakes, so, consider yourself to be a clean slate! You are so totally NOT past the stage where you can start! I, and many others like me started way later. This should be good news to you! You don't need to confirm anything, you know how you feel and it is pretty clear. As with anything in life, you have to take a first step. Get involved in the LGBT community, if you have access to one. Seek to make new friends, I have made more friends in the past 2 years than I have since I was 25. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain: not the least of which is the chance to live an authentic life. Post often, and let us know how it goes!
Hi Lee! Don't really know where to start? Well, it looks like you found a place, and you're off to a great start! :icon_wink I've only been here for a couple weeks, and I arrived here completely beat down and depressed. But it is so cathartic having a place to share, to just say all those things we don't have anywhere to stay. and to know that there are other people out there who read, understand, sympathize, encourage, and share their own experiences as well. there is no time table as to when we have to be a different points. It took me until I was 54 to come out to myself. and in my case, I had only had sex with a couple women, but I had had sex with literally hundreds of men, and yet kept denying that I was gay. admitting that I was gay to myself was the huge leap, and you have already taken that leap. "experience" is not what made the difference for me. honesty has made all the difference in the world. now, what next? well, lots of good people will give you lots of good advice from their hearts, from their experience, and from their hopes. a couple things that I have picked up over the past couple weeks is that I need to see a therapist for at least a couple sessions, if for nothing else than to have someone else to come out to. and I need to develop friendships with other gay people, to have friends I can be honest with, rather than always keeping up the false mask. and maybe the therapist could point me toward some gay support groups, which would help on a couple of fronts. the one bit of advice that I can give is keep writing, and read the posts on all the different forums to get a good feel for what is available here. my favorite forum is LGBT Later In Life, but I find good stuff on all the forums. Welcome, and we are with you! We are not alone! (!)
Thank you both for your replies. It's such a relief to find a place where I can share these feelings I keep hidden deep inside. I have to say I still can't foresee an end to my loneliness though. I have met people who I have truly loved but I seem to put people off. Possibly, I feel, with my awkwardness within myself. My contradictions in my mind
we just never know when we're going to turn a corner and bump into happiness. I don't mean to be cliche, but I do mean that you should keep waking up, keep sharing, keep hoping. we're all together in this. Today, I came out to a friend from high school who I hadn't seen for many years. I didn't expect that to happen, and it's my first REAL coming out. It probably wouldn't have happened if I weren't on this site sharing, and listening to others sharing. I real hope that you will have good experiences too. I hope that we all do. We're not alone.
First welcome to EC. and for the record at 34 your not near too late to start. im 47 and in a similar boat, wanting a same sex relationship but have zero experience to "confirm" anything. but i don't feel i need to confirm it, i like guys and girls but am leaning hard towards guys.
