I got the idea on another thread of searching for an old friend on Face Book. It was my best friend in high school, back in the 70's when being out just didn't happen. I found him, sent a friend request, and he accepted. We had a lot in common back then, but I found out that we had more in common than I thought. It turns out that he is gay, and has been out since college. And so we started chatting, and it just came out, I told him that I am gay. OMG, this is so wonderful. This is the first person I've come out who wasn't some sort of professional (clergy, shrink, etc) or somebody that I was just hooking up with. So this is like really coming out to someone. FINALLY!!! And we chatted back and forth all afternoon, and it was so great. Of course, both lamenting that we didn't know about each other and understand what we were feeling back in high school. Hooray Hooray Hooray Hooray Hooray!!!!! Then I saw all this gay stuff on his page as soon as I got access to it, and was so excited. We started chatting, and I came out to him right away. I am SO SO SO happy today. So this is a real milestone for me. I came out to someone who knows me, knows who I am, someone safe. He's been out for so long that he's known people in my situation along the way, which once again made me feel not so alone. I've been on EC for a couple weeks, and was just wanting to find someone safe to come out to. Up until now, the biggest milestone was coming out to myself four years ago. This is another huge milestone. Who knows what might be next? but I just feel like it has been another big step. I wish it didn't take so long between steps, but it is what it is I guess. Unfortunately, he doesn't live anywhere near me, way across the country. but for now, having the ability to chat on line with him is great. I came to EC depressed and anxious. Today I feel hopeful and grateful. I asked for help here and I got it. And I still need it. and I'm looking forward to getting a lot more of it. This is a really good place for me to be.
That's so great! I found coming out to people to be rather addictive for awhile. Being able to just be honest is an amazing feeling--even more so when it's an old friend. Congratulations!
Way to go! I can feel your excitement. One thing. You didn't "hook up" with him in today's lingo. How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a duck.
You're courageous .. I knew a couple of gay colleagues and never had the chance to come out to any of them, even though they are now retired and live far from me. I remember chatting face to face with one of them and was about to say it .. but backed up at the last moment .. it was a few years ago, I don't know if I'll be able to hold it back now if I'm in the same situation. Well done.
thank you all!!! I am so appreciative of your support. honestly, I didn't think that I would come out to him, but once we got chatting it was just so natural. as far as not hooking up, that may be more a factor of geography than anything else. I'm in Texas, and he's in New Jersey. We spent most of the day chatting, and talked about our lives and journeys in the years that have passed since we last saw each other. And had we been sitting in the same room, it probably would have gone further. but I am just so happy that I have come out to someone, and I can't wait to come out to someone else. I don't know when that will happen, but I am so happy today. Still far from coming out to my wife, which is the tough one. When that happens, life will be different. For the moment though, I just want to enjoy the moment.
Awesome story! Sometimes (not often) you get a lucky break like that. Enjoy the rekindled friendship.
congrats! Just out of curiosity, did either of you have crushes on one another way back in high school when you were closeted?
Congratulations, Wildside. I'm happy to hear you've found someone you can talk to openly and honestly. Really, that's the first step to coming out completely.
You just got me thinking - I came out to an old friend as well from unversity whom I had not seen for over 20 years; when out of the blue, he called me and we agreed to get together for a meal. In this case, back in the day, I knew he was gay as he would hit on me through out univesity while at the time I was a) deep in the closet and b) not interested in him. During school, I did lead him on a bit and probably was not as sensitive to him as I otherwise should have been being as I was an immature student at the time. Well, when we got together and I told him I was gay, I think he went off and yelled at me for at least 30 minutes! The entire place was watching as he shouted and waved his hands about. I think I definitely deserved his rage. And I hope he feels better having gotten that off his chest.
Oh myyy! I'd love to reconnect with my college roommate, whom I crushed on for years, and who then crushed ME by telling me that "IF he was gay", I wouldn't be his type anyhow. Bitch. He insisted he was straight for years, apparently came out milliseconds after I graduated, and has completely fallen off the grid since. No Facebook, LinkedIn, nothing, and I know he's still alive and has had at least a couple of boyfriends. I'm tempted to call him (we don't live in the same area anymore), but now I'm more inclined to wait a couple years till my boyfriend and I get married, so I can touch base with my new last name so he knows how just well things are going. Not that I'm still a little bitter or anything. :roflmao:
yes, we did. but we didn't talk about it. he made one pass at me, but just when my mother showed up to pick me up from track and I had to run. I didn't want to. and then I made a pass at him in the locker room after track on a Saturday, but he missed it. And he told me yesterday that he remembers a time when he was in my bedroom at my parents house, and we were listening to "records" (something made out of vinyl that reproduced music back in the mid-20th century) and he wanted to jump all over me. He still lives back in New Jersey, where I grew up, and he told me about several of the guys from our high school who are out. damn, it's like everybody I hung out with. I can't believe that all my friends were gay, and none of us were out or really understood it. He came out in college with the help of a roommate and the Jesuits, and I entered into deeper and darker closets, and yet our sexual histories are extremely similar. He ended up partners with that college roommate, and they stayed together until his partner died in 2000. He almost didn't answer my friend request, because he was afraid that I was either going to mock him for having made the pass at me 40 years ago, or try to pray away his gay. People make lots of assumptions about other people. I guess it's the way of the world. Fortunately, a woman friend at his office convinced him that he should answer and find out what I wanted. He was surprised beyond belief when I came out to him, and he was extremely happy that I did. As was I. We had both cut off all contact with our old Catholic boys' high school long ago, as it was one of those painful chapters of life that you just try to close out. We chatted back and forth for about 12 hours yesterday, and barely scratched the surface. It is an interesting study in taking two very similar gay young men, and seeing how their lives turn out different based on that single choice of coming out, or not. I would like nothing more than to meet him in a cafe and just while away the afternoon talking about everything. But we are very far away from each other now. One thing different from other "reunions," is that when I've me people from my *military* college, we pretty much just rehash what happened there back in the 70's, and after a day of that we're kind of done and ready not to see each other for another few decades. but with him, it was so different because we shared everything that we didn't know was going on in our hearts back then, and lots of the key events since then. but you can only cover so much ground in 12 hours, so we really want to keep up the conversation, to stay in touch. OMG, I definitely don't want to lose touch with him. I thought I had found him a few years ago on the net, but it was some married lawyer in the same town with the same name. turns out it was his cousin. but when I found him on FB, I recognized the photos, and it was him. He was my best friend in high school. but I ran away from New Jersey after high school, and I have been running ever since, 35 moves across five continents, always pretending to be something I wasn't. He stayed there, and became who he was meant to be. Sorry, but that is a long answer to your simple question, LBSmitty. I'm just a bit flustered with all of this. I never imagined that I would come out to him, and this whole coming out thing is so overwhelming. I want to come out to EVERYONE!!! But I'm still scared. Thanks everyone for all the warm feelings and support. When I come off this high, and am again perplexed about what to do next, it is everyone on EC that will keep me going until I'm ready for the next step. thanks so much! (!)(&&&)(!)
