This is the first time I've posted on this site and I thought I had done it already, but I see my post didn't show up. If for some reason it does, my apologies for double posting. I'm looking for some advice or suggestions or something. I'm a 41 year old married mom with three children (2 are not living at home). I've been involved with a woman for a year now and she provided emotional and physical support and comfort to me. When we're intimate, I feel like this is exactly where I should be and it feels so natural. I have zero interest in sex with my husband. At times, I have even cried and will make every excuse in the book not to do it. When I try to think of myself with either another man or another woman, I'm always drawn back to women. So, I guess what I'm asking is this (and please excuse me if this sounds ignorant) is it possible to be a lesbian this much later in life? Am I truly a lesbian? Or am I just longing for some emotional need my husband can't give me? Any advice you can give is appreciated.
Welcome to EC! To answer your questions: 1. It absolutely is possible later in life for someone to realize they are a lesbian. There are many on EC that have done just that! 2. Only you can determine if you are truly a lesbian. By the sound of what your describing, it would seem to be a realistic possibility. 3. Longing for emotional support might be mutually exclusive to whether or not you are a lesbian. It could be part of the problem, it might be completely separate. It sounds like you are on a journey of self identity for sure. As you think this through, feel free to ask all the questions you want. Keep an open mind to all the possibilities and good luck!
Hi, welcome to the EC. I have a friend who had been married for years and is now with a woman. When I asked if she knew when she was younger she said not really. She says she is more shocked than anyone this has happened. When you find someone you are truly happy with there's not a lot you can do! You have to follow your heart. Life's too short. My situation is I have been married for 11 years and with him for 19. Before my marriage I was attracted to women. Then I fell for my husband and we had some happy times. When it started to go wrong over the last 4 years I started to have feelings for a female friend. I finally realised I'm Bi. So here I am. I'm now in the middle of a divorce and have no experience with women. I hope I find what you have found one day. I do understand though you have a long way to go with working things out. Thanks for posting, looking forward to chatting with you.
Welcome to EC, PNW! I am living proof that its possible to realize you're gay later in life. With me, it was a connection I made with a man and the lightbulb went off. I had never had the opportunity to be with a man before and had fantasized a bit but certainly didn't consider myself to be gay. Like you, I also have zero interest in having sex with my wife or any other woman for that matter. I also make excuses not to have sex with her. At first I was really conflicted about this. Was it possible that I really was gay? It did take a while of self denial but I finally accepted my sexuality and now I know 110% that I'm homosexual. I am so happy to have discovered this so thats one hurdle over with but the giant hurdle of coming out to my wife and the world is still looming. I guess I don't have any real advice except to think about those times when being with your lover feels so natural. Its such a great feeling isn't it? And then think about your current situation and you'll probably start saying to yourself, "yes I'm a lesbian". Hope that helps a bit! Good luck to you!
I probably have been bisexual my whole life but recently I fell for a lesbian friend. When I look back in my 20s I did have crushes on women but they were actresses, etc. and I never acted on it. In the mean time, I fell in love with man I married. My husband came out as bi and now considers himself gay. I started to think about women when my marriage started to go down hill. I was looking for emotional support and my friend was right where I needed it.
