When did you start caring what other people say?

Here's my take on your question about when it is one feels comfortable being gay:

I guess you become comfortable with being gay the moment you realize you haven't been thinking about it for a while, when other pressing life concerns take over...and saying to anyone who cares that you have a boyfriend or are looking to have a boyfriend one day, if you're a guy, is as natural as saying girlfriend under the same circumstances if you are straight.

In a sense it just becomes a fact in your life, it's no longer a question of telling others and remembering who knows and who doesn't, whoever will know, will know. People will find out because you have no reticence when it comes to sharing that information, it's just part of the deal.

 

Never... It's a waste of time and emotions to care about the opinions of people who are not relevant to your personal life. Sorry for saying so bluntly, but it is what i think. Obviously you should not be up front about it.

 

maybe the question should be "when did you STOP caring what other people say?" I think that caring about what other people say is what keeps us in the closet. when our own well being becomes more important to us than the image that other people have of us, we stop caring what other people say.

 

You stop caring what other people think/say when you consistantly put your own happiness and wellbeing first.

I'm not saying to stop caring about other people.
As they say in pre-flight instructions "Be sure to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others".

 

I, for one, have never stopped caring what other say. However, I have become more comfortable with whatever it is they do say. As an example, I am taking my partner to my office holiday party. Everyone knows I am out. I do care that people treat him with respect as they treat me, but I recognize that while some may put on a good face, under their breath some probably may be critical. The more holiday parties, the more comfortable others will get. At least that's my theory.

 

I dont know, I still care what people say, but my attention is turned toward either mitigating potential damage to me because of someone elses ignorance, or caring because its someone closer to me and I'd like them to understand me. Unfortunately its more the former than the latter in most cases.

 

Jerry36 ;


Of course, I care about people, what kind of person would I be if I didn't care,
I just don't care about people's negative attitudes when they see a transgendered
woman in a power wheelchair, and they try to run me over because they are in
such a big, damn rush.


Jaymegurl

 

It's not that I don't care, and its not that it doesn't hurt. I lost two of my best friends over the fact that I came out, and the fact that I came out in my late 20s didn't help it much either. I've just accepted if people cannot accept me JUST for the fact that I am lesbian, then that is their problem.

 

I still care what people think. If I spill mustard on my shirt at home, I change before I go out. I wouldn't do that if I truly didn't care what people thought.

That said, I don't let the opinions of those furthest from me dictate my actions. Are there people out there who find my repellent for being gay? Almost certainly. But I don't give those people any thought. They're outside my sphere. My friends are cool with it, and that's all that matters.

Lex

 

I went back and took another question at the OP, and the question. When did I become comfortable. Let's see. I'm comfortable now. I wasn't comfortable when I was in denial. I came out to myself four years ago but was not comfortable. Earlier this year, a counselor told me to stop pretending to be someone I'm not, and to come out. It was someone I respected, and I think at that point I become comfortable and even grateful that I'm gay. I have come out to some people, but there are other important people I still need to come out to. but I'm comfortable, sometimes, with that too. I'm human, so caring about what others think is part of who I am. but I am definitely comfortable with being gay, and really love that there are other people like me who think that's cool.

 

Imagine giving the remote control of your new flat screen tv to a random person..he controls what you watch or dont watch. He controls when the tv is on and when it is off. maybe your favorite show is on amd suddenly the channels bounce around. U have no control. That is what carimg too much with others think is like. U give the remote control of your life to someone else. Instead of watching what u want and viewing the kinda life you want to see and have you r focused on whatever they dictate. Thats a miserable experience. So how do we stop it?

 

Hi,

Better said; When did you stop caring what people THINK regardless of what they say?

We are trained from birth to care what people say. Not caring is revolutionary.

 

It's many years since I came out for the first time and I've been in a relationship with my partner for over a decade now, but I still get a little bit tense when I meet someone new and the conversation turns to sex or relationships, because I just don't know how they will react when I tell them I'm gay.

I'm more relaxed about it than I used to be and I think that's because I have told so many people and overwhelmingly received positive comments and feedback, but every so often you get a complete :***: who rains on your parade and you have to deal with it. Does it hurt when it happens? Does it offend? Of course it does, I'm human and I have feelings, but I've come to the conclusion that the important people know and anyone else doesn't really matter. I'm not going to allow some new acquaintance to piss me off that much.

 

I can actually switch this question back to the original format. Because I have made the decision to stay married to my wonderful wife and best friend, I have finally got to the point where I DO CARE what she says. We have finally accepted my sexuality as a normal part of our relationship dynamic, so it just comes up in conversation when appropriate. No more ignoring the elephant in the room.

For example, just this morning she was commenting on what one of her male coworkers wears to work. She went on about how the color combinations that he picks just doesn't work, then went on to say that no matter what "kind of guy" he was, he just shouldn't dress like that. Now I know this guy is straight, so I just gave her a look. When she realized what she said, instead of the "uh oh, lets change the subject" uncomfortable moment of silence, she just went on with the conversation. She started talking about how well most gay guys dress and the sense of style that we seem to have. But said that even the most flamboyant gay wouldn't wear those color combinations together.

What was really cool about the entire conversation is that she didn't speak about the gay community as a sort of third person, but spoke directly to me as a representative of the gay community. And so in that manner, I do care about how my wife speaks with such a level of acceptance.

 

Hi,

Man... What a gossip. All to talk about is tearing down a coworker over their sense of style?

Sorry.

Tom

 

HAHa. Well in her defense, she was having a bit of a time trying to decide if her two shirts actually went together and it started out as a compliment about how that guy could at times pull color combinations together that you wouldn't think would look good, but did. Not so much gossip as it was a comparative conversation.

.......besides that wasn't the point of the story. She kept referring to me as the gay guy in the room. That was my sunshine for the day.....please don't take my sunshine away.

 

Hi,

You gotta make your own sunshine. Relying on others for ir... forecast is rain.

 

LOL!!! I lived in a compound in Africa that had one satellite dish for television. So the only control for what station was on was in my boss's house, and the rest of us just had a feed from her controller. and she was very controlling! so she never asked if anybody else wanted to watch something, and she didn't care if we did say anything. so what did we have on the television all the time? GOLF!!! :eek: As if living in the Sahara desert wasn't bad enough!
So, as somewhat who tends to worry too much about what others say, this metaphor really works for me. Every time I start falling into that trap, I am going to try to remember your metaphor, offmychest, and recall how much I hated having my TV set to watch the golf channel because someone else had the remote. It's up to me whether I surrender that remote to anyone else today! :eusa_clap

 

I like that one, mango.

Right. Maybe it's easier to answer "When did you stop caring?" However, that would apply to many facets of my life since people tend to be put off by people who can think for themselves and aren't followers.