Today I took a step forward and talked with my therapist, I don't really consider this as coming out since I already emailed him about myself early on, I then called and set an appointment after getting his approach on my situation. He is the only person that knows me personally and knows I'm gay now. Did I feel good or bad about it? not really, I feel indifferent, lots of questions in my mind, and still unsure about different things going on in my life. He definitely was open, he listened and commented when necessary, gave me examples and some solutions to try. But the feeling of liberation of getting out or even venting out with someone is not really there .. yet? I felt comfortable with him all along, and I'm planning to see him another time, may be it'll take some of the load off of my shoulders and ease it up for me a bit. Anyone with similar situation? Am I "normal" with those feelings?
Sure. The advantage of therapy is that it's a low-risk environment where you can say whatever you want. That is also the disadvantage of therapy. Just talking about your feelings in safety is not the same as making real life changes. But it's a start.
I registered so i could post a response here. I came out to my therapist recently as well (first face-to-face outing i've done), and it was a really stressful moment. I had no idea what to expect, and similarly to you i expected... some sort of feeling of liberation etc. , but it never really came. It may be because the relationship i have with my therapist is more professional than anything. The thing is, in my opinion, therapist is more like a mirror - he helps you see yourself and understand your own personality, but there's not much more to it. However, some time before that i came out to my long distance friends over skype, and that's where i got a bit emotional. They were very supportive, and i felt a huge relief. So, maybe similarly to me, the reason you didn't feel anything is because of the relationship you have with your therapist?
Congratulations!!! (!) There are no small victory. (!) And every victory counts. You came out to him F2F, and that is another step beyond coming out to him in email, or on the phone. So now you have actually told someone to their face, while they were sittling there with you. That is phenomenal. And it makes it easier to come out to someone's face again. And again. And again. And again.
Thanks for the supportive words nerdbrain, Big B and Wildside. I scheduled another appointment with the therapist next week .. thinking about all what he said and what I feel takes time to absorb. Sometimes I don't even understand myself well, do I really want to come out? do I feel secure in the closet .. or it became now a preference? Am I really gay or am I Bi? was I gay at one point and after more than 20 years of marriage I can find some pleasure with a woman, am I being converted? really don't know anything right now and I hope my therapy sessions would make me figure things out .. hopeful but anxious.
