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I am THIS close to joining a Buddhist monastery...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Benway, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. Benway

    Benway Guest

    Back in gay scene.
    Came too quickly, hate myself already.
    Vicious circle continuing.
    I'm about two more bad orgasms from disposing of my worldly goods and joining a Buddhist monastery or engaging some sort of cathartic journey. This is getting ri-goddamn-diculous.
     
  2. biAnnika

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    How do you feel about Buddhism? Is that truly a ridiculous option?

    I see no reason to dispense of worldly goods up-front...I believe many places would let you have a brief stay, either for free or at a low cost...a couple weeks at least should tell you if you'd like it.

    I say this in all seriousness, because I've considered it myself...at least the couple-weeks to couple-months version.
     
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    all that over premature ejaculation? I think that have pills for that, or creams, or something. and what makes you think that just being in a monastery will prolong your orgasms?
     
  4. Benway

    Benway Guest

    Premature ejaculation? No, no, no. I don't have that, I have an extremely high libido that's not sated easily. It takes me about an hour to reach an orgasm and when I do, I hate myself. Right now I'm pissed off that I'm back in the gay scene and I've already shaved my entire head to avoid being recognized by any local members of it. I can't keep going in the viscous circle I'm in. I keep telling people this isn't who I am. Some of my older threads explain my situation in great detail, but it's definitely not premature ejaculation.
     
  5. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    hahahahaha! sorry for the confusion. but this was the line in your OP that led me to that erroneous conclusion: Came too quickly, hate myself already. (cumming to quickly being read as premature ejaculation!) LOL
     
  6. Benway

    Benway Guest

    I understand the confusion, though that's not what I meant. To me, homosexual behavior is like alcohol... or in this case, heroin, it feels good as long as I pace myself but I just went in full throttle and blew my load after one hour and now I'm freaking out, OD'ing if you like to think of it that way.
     
  7. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    hmmm, sounds like a problem I would like to be dealing with tonight! good luck!
     
  8. Benway

    Benway Guest

    You'd like to be dealing with years of pent up frustration and self-loathing?
     
  9. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    OMG, no, not that. I meant the part about fucking for an hour. I can definitely do without the self-loathing. and I hope that you find a way to let go of it as well. as far as pent up frustration, I am trying to work that off a little bit at a time.
     
  10. Chip

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    You know, I really don't know how to say this in anything less than a completely direct way.

    You've been posting variations on the same themes for months.

    Basically, you're gay, and you have an enormous, perhaps clinically concerning, level of self-hatred about being gay. You also have a fairly strong libido. This is a bad combination.

    Going to a monastery will not solve it. Being celibate will not solve it. Trying to be straight will not solve it.

    The only thing that will solve it is... really good therapy, with a skilled and capable therapist. I seem to remember you've had bad experiences with therapy before, but they were just that.. bad experiences. A GOOD therapist will help you unpack the self-loathing, internalized homophobia, and other issues that are keeping you from being happy and well adjusted.

    Really.

    That is what you need, and every day you don't take steps in that direction, is another day of misery, self-hatred, and continued unhappiness.

    Please do yourself a favor and get help so that you can have the happy and well adjusted life that is your birthright.
     
  11. Mirko

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    Hi there! I don't think that joining a Buddhist monastery or engaging in an cathartic journey is going to provide you with any answers, nor is it going to help you to get ahead in your life.

    This. Find yourself a good therapist, who is qualified to in the areas that you need help in or with so to start making things better for yourself.
     
  12. danielo21

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    This user (Skiff) started a thread yesterday with a very good reflexion. I suggest you to read it. I also suggest you to fucking stop your self hating.
     
  13. jay777

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    I tell my opinion, this is no health advise, you are yourself responsible for what you do, and talk all of this through with a healtcare professional before practising it.

    There are methods to rewrite your memory. You can get in a relaxed state, bring back your memory and have it mentally changed to the desired outcome. If this is done a few times, you might have more and more a feeling associated with the desired outcome.
    Don't do this alone, look for a therapist who specializes in this kind of things. I myself would abstain from doing this with medical drugs, it can be done being in a relaxed state.

    I mentally change scenes to a positive outcome... to me its like changing the past, and feelings get better and better.... this is a new technique which some professionals practice.
    It takes practice and the danger is to have to relive something. You go into deep relaxation state and mentally change the images. The first few sessions might be disturbing.


    I let go of any attached feelings like anger, instead just writing it off. Its past. No use to fret, its over, I deny it any place in my life now. I'm not angry any more. I found this makes a person others like to be around.

    I see others as mainly friendly. If there are exceptions who are not, I tell them to go away in a nice, clear and unpersonal manner. No need to get personal or aggressive. It is possible to state facts and ones own needs, without making reproaches or getting personal:
    How to Practice Nonviolent Communication: 4 Steps (with Pictures)

    I avoid disturbing images and stories. Like no crime stuff etc. There are nice and soothing movies and stories. Its not the majority, but that should make no difference.

    There are relaxation techniques which help to cope with stress, which can be talked through with a professional. Its said el. circuits are calculated to run at 70%, so they are not at 100% all of the time.

    Boring ? Maybe. But it might lead to a more healthy lifestyle, with appreciation of peace and little things.


    (*hug*)
     
  14. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    That Buddhist scenario is not that bad. : )

    I was married 21 years, 14 of which was being a stay at home dad. Ending that marriage, moving back to my home state with no job, no assets and a 14 year hole in resume entered me into a cathartic journey. My own private monestary.

    You quickly learn to see the fallacy and illusion of society, both gay and straight. You learn to question everything. I have met people from all walks of life, from felons, to zealots, to ministers, to opiate addicts, (to the most twisted) car salesman.

    What I have learned in all this I posted in my thread "my observation".

    That struggle to belong, adhering to herd conformity... there are those who simply drank the coolaid and kept it down and those that could not because some predispostion did not allow drinking the coolaid, or keeping it down. Gay is simply one of those predispositions. There are many. Any fringe societal group simply cannot swallow the coolaid.

    EC is one of those cathartic monestaries you speak of. You can learn and grow or wallow in an ilusary hell of your own creation.

    Some here choose hell as if there is a locked door. There is no hell beyond that of our own making. There is no locked door for which you do not already have the key but refuse to use. The thing is you have to look at the things that built your hell and realize they are an illusion. Realizing the coolaid is a fiction and it is ok to live beyond the coolaid crowd of struggling to belong to a false society and giving yourself permissiin to march to your own drum.

    What if all the crap you believe in so hard, which is causing you so much pain is simply a marketing campaign drilled into you from birth and you have bought a lemon? (as it currently exists)

    Maybe "society", "humanity" is a lemon. You were sold a load of promises and look the promises are falsehoods, illusive goals. Any minorty group learns this. The monestary is simply a crucible you pass through to learn to see the truth versus the illusion.

    Stop drinking the coolaid, stop chewing your own leg off , stop building your own private hell.

    Nobody can put anybody in hell, people choose to step into a hell. You can step out at any time.

    Society is that twisted salesman.
     
    #14 skiff, Dec 13, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2014
  15. OGS

    OGS
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    Chip's right. On the other hand I spent a couple months in a Tibetan monastery in Bodhgaya back in the day. It was quite nice...
     
  16. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    You understand a good therapist is simply a guide. They will only give you tools (questions) that allow you to see the painful illusions you adhere to. They cannot give you an answer to your problems they can only guide you to finding your own answers.

    Yeah... ummm... therapy is a monestary of corrected self examination. Learning to see truth vs illusion.
     
  17. lilrocket

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    Others are exactly right - that therapy is not like taking a magic pill and that it's not something where you are merely a recipient and receive some holy cure. Instead, it is entirely a two-way process, and your therapist is just a guide. You only get out of it what you put in. It has everything to do with correcting internal thought processes and looking inside yourself, and beginning to understand yourself better, rather than waiting on someone else to save you. Introspection can be hard and painful enough that people will discard it without any attempt.
     
  18. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    OMG, this is so powerful, I almost brought tears to my eyes. It's been a long long time since I had the opportunity, and my BIG mistake was thinking it was "a magic pill," as lilrocket said. needless to say, it didn't get me where I needed to be, because I didn't do what I needed to do. they did give me some real pills in the process, anti-depressants, but they didn't fix me either. yeah, they did what they were supposed to do, and pulled me back from the brink of suicide (thank God!) but I was left as :***:ed up as I was before. If I had just simply told the doctor that I had sex with men every chance I could, he could have helped me figure out that I was gay 17 years ago. yeah, absolutely right that there are no magic pills, and we have to do the work. you get out what you put in???
     
  19. Benway

    Benway Guest

    I don't know, the way lilrocket described it makes psychotherapy sound like some sort of holy spiritual journey, with the therapist being a guide and it being a two-way process. I'm leery of religion, but I'm even more leery of therapy- I've stated my feelings on psychotherapy before, I think it's just snake oil and smoke and mirrors, or tarot readings. I shouldn't have to "reframe" the bad stuff in my life just so I can sleep at night.

    Besides, my insurance doesn't cover a lot of therapists, and furthermore it's never done anything for me in the 20+ years I've done time in a therapist's office. Frankly, I hate everything about psychotherapists, I hate their waiting rooms, I hate their poorly lit, droning silent offices with the dehumidifiers, I hate looking at their goddamn three hundred dollar cardigan sweaters and their phony degrees in fancy frames... I hate their reassuringly condescending tone when they nod and say "mm-hmm, how does that make you feel?" I hate them, I'm sorry, but I hate them all. They're simply glorified street charlatans who perform cheap parlor tricks to me.
     
  20. Chip

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    I assure you, as someone who works with mental health professionals on a daily basis, and someone who has worked with hundreds of them over the years in various professional settings... As well as having seen several personally... Your perceptions do not represent the overwhelming majority of therapists. In fact I know very few who drive newer cars, et alone can afford $300 sweaters.

    And honestly, the argument about your insurance is simply a bullshit excuse to avoid doing the work. There are therapists that will work on sliding scale and new therapists who are excellent but still completing their supervison hours who will work sometimes for free.

    So basically your choice is... Stay miserable for the ret of your life, or quit bullshitting yourself and get help from a competent professional. You may have had 20 years worth of crappy therapists, but there are plenty of good ones.

    If you aren't willing to get help, you also are pretty much giving up any reasonable right to bitch about how unhappy you are. At a certain point, people have to own their level of responsibility for their unhappiness, and your re unwillingness to get good help is, in this case, pretty much 100% of the reason why you are still miserable.

    We are here to help, but when you are just botching and not actually taking any steps to make it better (other than trying to ignore it, which is not going to work) there really isn't much anyone can do until you are willing to own the responsibility and start masking changes that will he,p you get to where you want to be.