Hello everyone. Agh, where to start? I am a thirty-eight year old wife and mother. I've been in a male dominated work field for ten years and that is also where I met my husband. We've been together for ten years now and have three children-youngest is 6. Before my husband, I was in a three year long relationship with a female. I loved her very much but we drifted apart-became more roommates than lovers. We fought like crazy near the end so it was time to leave. My husband knew about my lesbian relationship just before him and I have been quiet about it for ten years. Just recently I found out that my ex is married to her long time partner and I am very happy for her. However since I found out about her marriage, I can't stop thinking about her. I've always had her in the back of my mind since we broke up but this just made all my thoughts of her come to light. For as long as I can remember I have found women to be sexy and I still get off of lesbian porn however I can still be intimate with my husband and m/f porn, too (hey, just bein' honest here). To this day, I can look at women and desire them just as much as some males. I miss the companionship and sensuality of a female. Yes, my husband is romantic and tends to my needs but I think I'm heading in the direction where I want to be with a female again. Not just to have sexual relations with but to have that companionship and closeness with. Is it conceivable to find a female to have a relationship with while still married to a man? How does it work? With work, school, kids…will I have time to explore this part again? It is a ménage? Is it a weekend fling? Where do I find a woman? It's like I'm dating again! LoL. Does this make me a bi-sexual rather than a lesbian or a heterosexual? Any answers are better than none. I'm just looking for a place to gain some insight and hopefully gather some footing and courage before either drop the bomb on my husband or retain it for another ten years. Thanks. I'm not trying to have my cake and icing but I feel as though I need to come to a realization and understanding within myself. I feel like I am torn between what I have and where I am verses what I have done and who I have been with.
The answers to most of those questions depends on talking about your feelings with your husband. I think it's not a menage a trois if your sexual relationship with a woman is separate from your husbands. If it's a three way encounter of any kind, then it is. As far as labels, if you still enjoy sex with your husband but also want to be with a woman, that sounds like bisexuality.
It sounds like you intend to be honest with your husband about it. If that is the case, the mechanics of how to do something with another woman become a lot easier, because it eliminates the lies and sneaking around. It does create the risk for him that you will fall in love with a female partner, and he will lose you. It does happen. On the other hand, if he wants to participate and you go the menage route, remember that it also happens that the husband and other woman fall in love sometimes, and in that case you get left it. Once you start involving other people, you just really don't know where it is going to go. But with the fact that he knows about your lesbian past, it might be a lot easier for you to just tell him where you're at, what you're feeling, what you're wanting. Now on the other hand, if what you're meaning is to do this behind his back, that does take a lot more effort. We gay guys married to women have a bad habit of that, but it may be easier for us, I don't know. I definitely don't know what it is like for a lesbian to have a secret life. regarding the question of whether this makes you bi, lesbian, hetero, just my opinion, but I don't think labels are worth worrying about. I am proud to identify myself as gay; but if I wasn't sure, I just wouldn't worry about it. It's just that in my case, it's pretty black and white. I'm pretty much maxed on the Kinsey scale! LOL!
