1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

very confused. please help.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by purity, Dec 16, 2014.

  1. purity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    hi, is there anyone out there who could offer me advice. I thought I was a straight female but I became friends with a woman a few months ago and I have fallen madly in love with her. We both have a shitty track record with men and we are both single. My feelings were so strong I was unable to stay with my boyfriend so i broke up with him. She tells me she loves me , is really affectionate and we chat and laugh for hours. she tells me im beautiful and we both have this lasting look that gets awkward at times. I am very intuitive and feel theres something there. she gets all shy and blushes when i compliment her. She says she trusts me big time. I think shes tryin to suss me out as she keeps sayin ill meet a nice man. I really want to tell her but being a bisexual and entering into a lesbian relationship is really new for me and i fear rejection as i really love her. Shes a really kind person so id say shed be understanding. please give me some advice. i feel i cant talk to anyone. thanx so much
     
  2. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    you get so much out of her company, and from being with her! enjoy it! spend time with her, don't try to think it and analyze it so much. don't worry about the labels, just be grateful for this time that the two of you have together. and it seems like your relationship is emotionally intimate enough that you can just talk to her and tell her what you're feeling. does this mean you are lesbian, bi, or something else? who cares? it means that you are having an outrageously wonderful time being with her. you are so lucky to find that in your life. don't mess it up by worrying about what others think, or what you should or shouldn't feel. just be in the moment! well, you asked for advice, so that's my advice, given in love and hope that it will be of some use! (*hug*)
     
  3. purity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    thanks so much. great advice, any idea how i shud broach the subject. I dont want to imbarass her or myself and rejection and fear are huge for me.
     
  4. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would suggest sitting down with her over a glass of wine, and simply be direct and honest about how you feel. Sounds very positive!
     
  5. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    personally, I prefer not to mix alcohol with something serious like this. again, that's personally so if some people do it different, please don't think that I am attacking you. but what I'm saying is that if I do it over a beer or anything else, the fact that I'm nervous may make me drink more, or use the alcohol to kill the nerves. for me, this is a moment that I always want to be fully present for. and I want my memories to be clear. I suggest a private setting, somewhere that you won't feel rushed to get out, somewhere that she will have the option of leaving if she needs to, or you will feel you have that option, or that you will both feel that you have the possibility to stay and talk and cry and whatever else the spirit moves in you. You might start talking about yourself before you get into talking about her or feelings for her, and let the conversation progress to that if it seems natural, or not if it seems that you are making her crazy uncomfortable and she has that look in her eyes like she wants to bolt. I got a lot of really good suggestions on the "where" to do this on a thread called "where did you came out" in the Coming Out Advice forum. I realized that my ideas were pretty bad, but a lot of people's stories about where they came out were a lot better, and worked. One I really liked did it walking with her friend in a cemetery of all places. I thought that was a beautiful metaphor, leaving the false self with the dead, and walking out of the place of the dead into new life.
     
  6. archerrose

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2014
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This thread hit a raw note for me. I have a best friend that I have a huge crush on. She is a lesbian married to a man. I am married to a bi/gay man who is ok with me having a woman on the side. I have never felt this way about a woman before and have been confused. I need to tell her how I feel but don't want to do this over the phone. I see here at parties but it is difficult to find a quiet place to talk alone.. She had a crush on me before but I think that she has gotton over it. Not sure what to do
     
  7. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    If you just invite her out for coffee, I bet she'll accept
     
  8. trailrider

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Pretty close to Lake Erie
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm not sure why we think that the revealing needs to be all in one. Why does it have to be " hey I have decided to come out to you because I really want down your pants!"? If you have really grown close to someone, where a genuine warm friendship has developed, then why not just share who you are, without the added pressure of how they play a role in it. Essentially you then get to still be you without massively changing the dynamics of the friendship, and put the ball in their court. If you think about it, you are hoping that SHE will define the boundaries of the friendship, but your not letting her know that she needs to do it.
     
  9. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    Beautiful! this speaks to me on so many levels. For one thing, we know what we're thinking when we're coming out, which may be just a blur of anxiety, but we forget about the thoughts of the people we come out to, other than how it relates to us (will I be rejected?, will I be accepted? supported?). but we can forget that a lot of people can also feel a bit threatened, they don't know what that means for the relationship, they don't know if we are going to want something from them or pressure them in some way that makes them feel threatened. And then, there is our own fear that we are going to lose the friend. breaking all this apart as you say, let coming out be just about coming out, about wanting to share our most intimate secret with a friend who we trust, can take a lot of the emotional dynamite out of that single event. don't even add any extra baggage onto your back that day, there is so much that will just happen with time.