I'm 36 and married....why have I only started realizing I'm probably gay now

Don't apologize for your "rant". This is rant central. That's how it works. There are a number of married and soon-to-be-not-married women here whose stories you can read and share. Search out the the thread "this has NEVER happened before". Lots of good discussion.
I must just say, though, that you going into a strip club is gutsy! If you've got that kind of nerve, you should be fine!

 

I am nowhere near a place in my journey to offer advice, however when it comes to empathy I have truckloads. EC is an amazing resource for what you're going through and the questions/thoughts/concerns you may have.

As for the title you gave this thread.. If it were mine it would read the same with a 50 in place of the 36. I know in my case I am letting age get in the way of any true resolution. So perhaps any emphasis on years should be put aside so that we can concentrate on days; specifically today and then the next... And it sounds like you may have started a new and very brave journey.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

-AG

 

I also had a miscarriage and it was a big part of why I started questioning my life. I think an event like that brings home to you what's really important.

It's been a rough journey for me and I'm still not where I want to be. But I agree that you're really brave to be honest with yourself.

This is a great place with lots of people to talk to, I really hope you can find the help you need.

 

You know, I think that really is something about us people in the closet. Our energy goes into hiding who we are, and there isn't anything left. Well, I mean what personality do people get to see when we have to hide who we are? So, I have had a difficult time making friends too, and my "friends" have always been either work colleagues (who forget me the moment I transfer) or HER friends. And so the terrible loneliness and nobody to talk to. Until I found EC. And until EC led me to taking a risk and coming out to my best friend from high school, who I found out is now out of the closet, and of course is also gay. It took me a lot longer to come out to myself, to admit that I was gay, than it has for you. but I wonder if it would have happened sooner if the internet had been around then. I think that bit by bit, as we find people to come out to, to be honest with, it gets easier to talk to people and to come out. I actually started by coming out to people I felt sure wouldn't talk, which could be a professional counsellor or a priest. we have to start somewhere. the silence will kill us. (&&&)

 

Dang! I want to go to a strip club! Plenty of em where I live... maybe I will muster up the courage one day

Just wanted to welcome you and wish you all the best on your journey.

 

oh, it ain't no thing. actually pretty boring. just a bunch of women jumping around and showing their bodies to a crowd of drunks. unless you're into women, that is :roflmao:

 

I used to go to a lesbian bar that had scantily-dressed gogo dancers. I would go put money in their thongs, and tell myself that straight women do things like that all the time.

(I kind of want to go back, but for various reasons I'd probably better not.)

I wouldn't mind going to a strip club but the ones around here don't look like very nice places.

 

on a more serious note, I always wanted to go to a male strip club, but I thought that they were all oriented toward women, and that gay guys would be frowned upon.

 

When they were first becoming a thing, I never heard of any guys being in them except the strippers, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if that has changed. At least I hope so. (I've never actually been to one and I didn't realize they still existed.)

My late father's girlfriend once went to a (female) strip bar to get a drink and one of the girls came over and offered her a lap dance. (I think my dad told me the story because he thought I should do it too. Man, I miss my dad.)

 

LOL! sounds like your dad was a really cool guy! well, I guess in some of the bigger cities (San Francisco? New York?) maybe they have male strippers oriented toward gay men. but I guess I'm kind of past that stage anyway. I would rather just spend an evening talking with a nice guy, or cuddling and staying warm on a cold night. but if there had been places like that a few decades ago, I would have definitely wanted to check it out (!)

 

Woah. That's awesome. I really wish I had the nerve to do that.

I probably shouldn't admit this, but sometimes I've actually thought about hiring a sex worker. I have a friend who is a sex worker, though she doesn't live near me and anyway hiring my friend would be very awkward. But she told me it didn't sound like a bad idea.

 

This has been an interesting discussion to sit and read through. I have a thought on the initial trip to the strip club. I have found myself going to places where gay print material is sold and checking to see who the check out clerk is. If the clerk seemed like a trusting sort (usually female) then I would purchase something that was gay specific. For me it was like a nonverbal way of "coming out" without actually coming out.

 

Yeah ... says you!

lol

Ive been to one back in the day (Chippendales), and I could swear that most of the dancers were gay... go figure.

 

I'll bet that the dressing rooms there were a blast!!! well, for people like me :icon_wink