1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My wife gave a green light

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by trailrider, Dec 19, 2014.

  1. trailrider

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Pretty close to Lake Erie
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm a bit at odds today. I have been struggling with my sexuality more lately ( it seems to come in waves). Anyway, my wife and I had a long talk last night because she can always tell when things are getting to me and she loves and worries about me. As we were talking she asked if maybe I should wear things around the house that would make that part of me feel more relaxed and accepted. I don't know what to do with this. Would it make me feel more sexy and alive? OH MY GOSH YES! However, I am very aware of the fact that the feminine me that I see on the inside does NOT match the rather masculine exterior. I have two major concerns. First is that because I can't pull off the look, I would feel embarrassed and also possibly turn-off my wife if she saw me like that. Second is the other extreme, if I open this pandoras box, could it lead to me wanting to be more daring and adventurous to a very dangerous tipping point. Any thoughts?
     
  2. OOC73

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2014
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    Ask her to help you?

    She's obviously not got a problem with you exploring this so get her involved! :slight_smile:
     
  3. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2014
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN
    Gender:
    Male
    Yeah, if you are open and honest with her, and she's accepting you, do not keep stuff to yourself. Involve her.

    I didn't, kept everything in until I burst, and threw my life in the wood chipper.
     
  4. trailrider

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Pretty close to Lake Erie
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I did ask her how she would feel if we fooled around while I was in some "clothing". She said it would make her feel uncomfortable only because for her own sexual stimulation, she needs to be with the MAN that I am. I can respect that.
     
  5. OOC73

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2014
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    Well that might be asking a bit much but ask her if she would mind helping with advice and guidance about what suits and what doesn't. She makes a valid point actually, she's offering this for YOUR benefit not her own - just tell her you would like to try but you don't want to do anything that pushes her boundaries too far either so if she wants to help guide you that would be awesome.

    Just bear in mind that she might not realise how she really feels about it until she sees you doing it. Encouraging her to help could be a gentle way of letting her explore those feelings too without getting to the point where it makes her uncomfortable. I absolutely think this should be something you try and involve her with. Alternatively you could start out with underwear etc if you haven't already - I had a cross dressing work colleague who used to like having the underwear on beneath his everyday clothes, no-one else knew but he did and felt more confident and happy as a result.
     
  6. trailrider

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Pretty close to Lake Erie
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That's a good point OOC73, talking about it is one thing, but what if she freaks out after she sees it. She is the biggest sweetheart in the world and my best friend. Not only do I not want to hurt her, I really can't afford to alienate her.
     
  7. OOC73

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2014
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    Then the obvious way to do that is to give her some input ;-) Much healthier to be completely open with her than be sneaking off when she's out to get dressed up. She's been very brave putting the option on the table for you even though it's totally not what she is into. Be brave back and show her it's something that you love and value her for. :slight_smile:
     
  8. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    ^^^^ this^^^^ I wish i had someone to help me look more feminine.
     
  9. laut

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2013
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cardiff
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think you guys just need to communicate as much as possible. She may have a freak out, but if she's willing to give permission, she's probably got it in her to push pass that freak out too, especially if she's able to see how important and special it is to you.
     
  10. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    so I take it you're talking about cross dressing, right? well, do you mean like wearing dresses and makeup? or wearing intimate female apparel? I'm not a CD/TV, so for me wearing things that make me more comfortable include pink and rainbow stuff, but I wear those everywhere. and I'm not out to my wife yet. I would love to have her begin a sensitive conversation like yours did, but since I am gay it would certainly have some implications that may be different than for a bi person. I think, but I don't really know. it's all hard.
     
  11. trailrider

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Pretty close to Lake Erie
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm really just thinking about some intimate stuff. I just don't see myself being comfortable with actually wearing an entire outfit right now. Don't get me wrong, I love love love the looks of womens outfits, the midi dresses that they wear on Madmen drives me crazy, but my physic just wouldn't do them justice.