1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Thank you all

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by MOGUY, Dec 21, 2014.

  1. MOGUY

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2014
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Missouri
    I'm new on here and mostly just read the posts rather than posting anything myself. It's very supportive to know I'm not the only one going through such struggles. I'm 55 and came out to my wife about 2 1/2 years ago. It certainly has not been easy for either one of us as we try to sort this all out. She is my best friend and has been understanding and supportive throughout. I love her deeply. My question is this: do you men have a craving to just be very intimate with another man without the sex? I so badly want to lie next to a man that I'm attracted to and just be held and to hold him.
     
  2. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    2,432
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Yeah.

    I am lucky. I have two best friends. One gay and partnered 10+ years and the other is straight. Just being in their company is such a relief, so relaxing.

    It lacks all sexual components but they are my friends and the love is mutual.

    I look forward to more in a relationship with the right guy.

    Tom
     
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    yeah, that is part of it for me. I love to just be with a man who feels that way about me. I like to snuggle, hug, and kiss. I also like the sex, but really if i had to say what means more, it is all of that closeness that you are talking about. But sometimes that can lead to the sex, which as I noted is also pretty great.
    One thing that I read in a lot of posts of men who are out to their wives and still married is that their wife is like their best friend. that may be part of why it has been so hard for me to come out to her, is that our communication has always sucked, it has always been almost impossible to talk to her about any serious deep issues, and the only time we ever talked about anything sexual was back when we were in the act of having sex, which hasn't happened for years, and even then was pretty limited. maybe that is a different model for coming out, I mean if you have never communicated with someone, why does that change when you're ready to come out.
    anyway, I'm glad that you are able to be out to her. I've read books about that, usually written by women. sometimes the wives have given their husbands permission to do what he needed to do as long as they started practicing safe sex "at home and abroad." Just remember, once we get naked with our emotions with someone, it is a very small next step to get naked with our bodies. So if you are so open with your wife as to tell her that you're out, do you think she'll also be open to you just lying with this man or any other man who tickles your fancy?
     
  4. chemicalbond

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2014
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ahhh... Snuggling... such a luxury. :slight_smile: I miss holding a guy's hand and leaning against his shoulder.
     
  5. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Moguy, welcome to EC!

    Perhaps craving is too strong a word for that wonderful feeling of being intimate and in a man's arms, but it seems to be rather prevalent these days, as if sex (and the almost animal instincts that go with it) were something secondary.

    I think it stems from many people's desire to not be alone rather than the desire one may feel for a particular person. In this circumstance, almost any attractive guy will do.

    I can only guess how alone you are within your marriage. I can only tap into my own experience to recognize what it is you are feeling, and it is lonely. Part of this adventure will involve sexual and emotional attachment to a guy, eventually. This will involve every aspect of you, from sexuality to matters of the heart. How far are you prepared to sort this all out? How far are you willing to risk the vulnerability that is essential in any true and complete relationship?
     
  6. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    2,432
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi,

    The best thing about my gay friends...

    I can hug them too long, too tight, kiss them on the cheek and FEEL the emotional bnd you share. I am sure all straight guys feel it, but are not allowed to express it.

    I am SO HAPPY to have the ability to express myself.
     
  7. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    yeah, I hug my straight friends, but I tense when I do it, and I break it fast when I can tell that they want to break. but some of my straight friends linger, so I do to. and then I wonder... which is why most straight guys do it so abruptly, with backslapping and lots of straightyness (that's like a Colbert word, like truthyness) (*hug*)mmmmmmmm
     
  8. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    2,432
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Loviness?
     
  9. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    if it gets me a hug, sure...
     
  10. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    2,432
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi,

    I actually talk to my straight buddy about straighty rules. He agrees they are totally messed up. And he coming from a move about military family, he says some regions are worse than others.
     
  11. MOGUY

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2014
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Missouri
    It's amazing how good a hug with the right person feels. I frequently hug my straight friends and some want to make it brief while others seem inclined to linger a second or two. I can imagine a really long hug with the right guy and how satisfying that would feel.....sigh.
    I made up my mind a while back that I'm committed to my wife. And I don't see myself having a "fling". I don't want to risk falling in love with another man.
     
  12. Genesman71

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2014
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toledo, Ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Glad that your wife is a support to you. Not everyone is lucky enough to have that kind of relationship. I had the choice of staying and continuing to pretend or leaving. Well I left . She could not understand that I wanted to have male companionship especially the hugging and cuddling. Have not found it yet as most of the guys want to have a sexual relationship right away. I want someone who I can talk to and share my feelings with and become friends with first. A nice hug once in a while would be awesome!! Have spent a great deal of time with my brother and his wife talking about my feelings. They understand, but I do not want to rely on them for my happiness.
     
  13. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    and they have to have their own life as well, so it's good that you recognize the limits. Like you, I really put the priority on developing friendship, and treasure the affection of a relationship. sex is good too, but I think that the alternate path is finding gay groups to socialize with.
     
  14. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    2,432
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I agree with Genesman71. It takes patience to find right person.

    Way too many superficial and shallow.

    It use to frustrate me, now it is... "Thank God that was exposed early on. No time wasted, no false expectations".
     
  15. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    just reminds me of how much I enjoyed the time when I was on my own... :eusa_doh: