Glad to find this forum! It's been a long time since I posted in anything like this. I've basically been celibate/not in a relationship and not looking for the last 7 years. I'm in the closet since my move to this state 10 years ago. Now out of the blue 2 weeks ago I suddenly found myself very attracted to a woman I know only very casually. I had no idea if she was a lesbian, although I have to say I've been lucky in the past and both women I've had crushes on turned out to be lesbian and turned into relationships. But this time I'm not so sure, and I don't see her often enough to do much of an assessment, so I did a little Google research (bad, I know) and found that she owned a house with a woman but that woman died about a year ago. She's also significantly older than me, but that seems to be my pattern - 12 years older and 10 years older in my previous relationships, so not an issue for me. :icon_bigg I guess my question is do I proceed any differently knowing that the woman who was probably her partner died a year ago? I've kind of put myself in a pickle, too, because given the way I found out I can't very well ever bring it up. I only see her every month or so, but I will see her in a few weeks and I'm thinking of doing a little flirting and maybe asking her to dinner. But is it too soon? I've never lost anyone like that so I have no idea if a year is a long time or not long enough. Should I wait? My other possible option is to come out to some of my friends who know her better and see what they know - but actually I don't think they know her all that well, either, so that might not help.
I don't think it's too soon. Did she seem happy enough when you encountered her before? Maybe invite her to something less romantically suggestive like coffee as opposed to a French restaurant. Depending on her response, you'll know how to proceed. And remember, you don't know about the previous partner anyway, so ...
it's never too soon to offer a hand in friendship. I suggest that the first invitation be for coffee or for lunch. Less pressure that way. dinner is a bit more pressure, and makes the departure a bit more awkward. Lunch is more of a mid-day thing, easy to go off your separate ways after lunch, or to go off and do some low pressure activities like shopping or a movie, if you really hit it off. If you don't make it about wanting to jump into a relationship, then a year isn't too soon. otherwise, it could be. but even you won't know if you want a relationship with her until you get to know her. the age difference is pretty insignificant (I absolutely would not hesitate to get involved with a man ten years older or younger if the chemistry were right). but just don't get too far ahead of yourself -- or of her!!! you wouldn't want to blow a good thing by being too pushy, right?
I'm really torn on how to respond to this one. What you found out is presumably in the public domain - and you have no conclusive proof that this woman was her partner as far as I can tell. They may have just shared a house. So I would conclude precisely nothing from what you found out and just ask her out. If there was something with this other woman then she will offer that information eventually should she feel comfortable to. At this stage you don't know if there was so nothing to really give consideration to there. That's of course assuming I am correctly concluding from what you said that what you found was not conclusive proof. And in that case, I wouldnt feel bad about googling, because you still dont really know ANYTHING for sure. That said, if she IS as you thought, widowed of a former partner, then she might well appreciate a gentle approach or not yet be ready for anything new. But you can't find any of that out for sure unless you speak to her. So speak to her.
Thanks everyone, this was really helpful! Must be my age but I was definitely thinking of pushing ahead too quickly. She's always been sweet to me, but not flirtatious and actually it could very well be just a roommate thing. I will try to just get to know her a little better for now. Dinner is really the only option since I only see her at weekend dog shows and the daytime is not convenient, but it would be a group thing, not just the two of us, so that shouldn't be too much pressure. At 51 I can't take as long as I did with my first girlfriend though. I wanted to ask her out for 10 years before I finally got up the nerve!
