I know it is silly but i am really not looking forward to Christmas. I am dreading the thought of spending three days with my family knowing that they disapprove of me and that they want me to be "normal" and not a fuck up like I am. They don't understand how uncomfortable i feel around them all the time and how stressful i find it being with strait people. I wish at least i had one close gay friend, someone who i could talk to and who understands what i am going through. I had a panic attack today thinking about Christmas and how i would rather just spend it by myself and not have to pretend to be happy and to pretend i fitted in with them and how i try very hard not to be "weird", but however hard i try they still never seem to like me. i just wish i could be around people who made sense and who didn't hate me
Hi Molly. I'm sorry you're not looking forward to xmas. Is there one person in the crowd you like? Try to avoid conversations with the "haters". I suspect they are more likely ignorant but that can still be awful to deal with. And you know want? Embrace your weird. Don't pretend to be happy. We're trying not to pretend anymore, right?
Silly? I don't think so. It's quite understandable that one would dread 3 days of a disapproving family. ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2014 at 03:30 PM ---------- I have been in sort of the same position. And I have come to the conclusion that trying to not be weird, put on some sort of act, or try to be someone else, does not work. It drains energy. And frankly it doesn't work, at least it doesn't work for me. People who don't like me don't like me, act or no act.
Call in sick, and then go out for Chinese and a movie. Maybe they'll be showing "The Interview" in your neighborhood theater.
Hiya Molly, I'm not looking forward to Christmas much either. I made the brave/foolish decision to come out to my mum a couple of weeks ago and whilst shes been reasonably ok about the whole thing I can't help but fear that she won't be able to hold her tongue and all hell has the potential to break loose. My kids don't know yet nor do my wider family. My mum does love to ruin a good special occasion so it's entirely possible. I am not sure what I was thinking...
hey molly! It is very painful to be rejected by the ones you love and most importantly by your own family. Have you ever tried to talk to your family about how you feel ? Have you tried to tell them that you just can't disapprove a person just because he/she is homosexual ? you are grown up and you are responsible for your own self and action and noone has the right to disapprove you! i think that instead of trying to put on a fake smile on and have to sit and tolerate every random b.s you will hear, approach it from a different prospective, try to discuss about how you feel with your parents and if things turn ugly and they still don't approve you then just don't go, i know it's very hard but if you don't get up and live your life now when will you?....
Remember that its perfectly ok to be gay. Gay people were always around and even were revered as intermediaries in old cultures. Now another thing is to be around people you do not like or don't go along with well. Can you associate with the people you have something in common with ? Or maybe go with the children ? Being gay is only part of your personality... so if someone points that out you may say that you still have the same sense of humour etc... I*d say do not take things personal or get upset... remain calm, polite but firm... and if it gets too much, I'd excuse myself... and reload my batteries at home or during a long walk . Come here during the holidays, there are probably quite a few people looking in here, too (*hug*) ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2014 at 04:43 PM ---------- Well you might tell her that you would like to come out to the others on your terms... and if possible personally to each one... and ask her to keep it confidential... and tell her to rather have a good time together... (*hug*) ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2014 at 04:49 PM ---------- OP, for meeting others you might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/149346-where-can-i-meet-lgbtq-people.html#4 And I'd say be yourself... if we try too hard to please others, its noticeable... have your own standpoint, be polite but firm... (*hug*)
Its alright to want to spend it alone. I myself have not lived near my immediate family since I was 21, as I moved cross country. So we are already "estranged", mainly because my sisters and I are so far apart in age that other than blood and the same blue green eyes (though mine are greener) we have absolutely nothing in common already. We talk maybe three times a year if that. And this is BEFORE they even had a clue I was gay. So don't worry so much about your family. Your stuck with them, but at least you can choose your friends, and your friends will support you. For me, my only true connections to my family was my dad, who passed in 2010. I know its difficult to spend the holiday alone or with people who drive you crazy, but when your down just be thankful that you've lived to see another holiday. Big hugs and kisses and don't worry about crazy family members. BC ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2014 at 06:12 PM ---------- Oh, and I realize we're on different contents, but if you ever want to talk, shoot me a post.
Ok Molly, I have met you and you are not a Fuck Up! In fact your mother knows that which is why she's holding onto you so that you don't leave because she needs you! She's scared you will leave so belittles everything you do to take away your confidence so you won't go! I see the good in most people but what you have told me over the past few months makes me so mad. You have a job, a home you have travelled all round the world. You have friends, you are out of the closet! You are independent! What's fucked up about that! You my friend are a success! It's your family that have the problems unfortunately. Christmas is difficult, I'm struggling too and our lives are very different. But it's only a day, a few maybe! Come on here and chat to us, that's what I will be doing. After Christmas we will meet up and put the world to rights. Molly you are lovely and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Forever your friend. X
I wonder if you've seen this. It's about "misbehaving" parents and how to put a stop to the "tantrums" they're throwing about you being gay. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxAa2Hd7q8k
lol I agree with this I'm spending mine by myself but I will be on the phone with family. When I have to spend time with people I am not crazy about or I feel like will judge me I treat them like coworkers. I just realize that its one day out of the year and remember it will be over soon. I'd go and try to enjoy it.. I obviously know nothing about your family, but maybe try to see the humor in things even if its an inside joke with yourself. And remember to smile even if you dont feel like it. YOU'LL feel happier if youre smiling. Studies prove it lol. (&&&)
to be really honest, and crass, I will admit that ultimately when I don't care for the people, I make my decision based on what they're serving. If it is a banquet of all my comfort foods and favorites, I would go, and figure screw the people, I won't pay them any heed anyway. and please pass the pecan pie. and don't forget to make me a care package of leftovers mom! but then again, I'm typing this before I've had breakfast, so that may be affecting my judgement.
