Help...I need to talk

Talk away, this is the right place! There are so many people on here that are in your situation. It's never too late.

 

Hello, quebec, welcome to EC.
This is a great place. Feel free to post more, there are many people here on the forum willing to listen and help. (*hug*)

 

Hi,

Welcome to EC.

Your situation is quite common as it was a product of its time. Social repression plus the AIDS crisis locked many people away.

We can hold your virtual hand and offer a virtual hug. You are with family here.

We understand.

Tom

 

Hey… let it all out man..

Its a process and don't worry about it being too late. Never too late.

Sounds like there could be some use for some counselling in 2015 if you have not tried that? It will help you find your way through the thoughts and feelings… and to help you NOT beat yourself up for the things you wish you had done differently.

 

Hi Quebec,

Welcome to EC.
It is a courageous step you are taking. It really does help to talk, and I have found this community to be understanding and compassionate.

 

Hey quebec,

If you don't mind sharing a few more details, perhaps we can understand your situation a little bit better. This is a safe place to discuss some fairly intense situations, have no fear.

 

Welcome, friend. You will be surprised--shocked, even--by how many people your age there are who went into the closet for assorted reasons, and are only now figuring out that they're desperately unhappy there, and they need to figure out what to do about it. And just as everyone's reasons are somewhat different, our approaches to dealing with the situation are all different as well. What's important, though, is that you're not alone in this, and things CAN change, if you choose to change them. Keep talking and we'll keep listening and sharing our experiences. (And yeah, sometimes you may need to say "OK Choirboy/Rose, enough of the St. Olaf closet stories!") Regardless, we're here for you. Take care.

 

Hi

This is the place

 

Quebec, you are not alone at all. I have been with my wife for 28 years and am out to her. She has been very supportive and understanding. I love her dearly and definitely plan to stay with her. It has helped me so much to come out to her, my best friend and my fave cousin. I also have kids and don't plan on telling them but for three people I love so dearly to know and still love me has been huge. This site gave me the courage to tell my BFF. I know it can help you as well.

We are here for you!

 

Sweetie you are in exactly the right place. Talk to us. We are all older people coming to terms with who we are. You are safe and understood. Let it all out xx

 

I don't know about you but if this was me, I'd take advantage of my age and "retire" from those commitments which didn't bring me joy.
Get yourself season tickets to the opera instead. Or some other life enriching endeavour.

 

While I don't consider myself religious, I am absolutely a Christian. I know my God loves and accepts me for who I am. I went so long not liking myself and feeling like I was at fault for feeling this way. One of the things that has gotten me through it is knowing I have the love of my Lord and Saviour. NO ONE can take that from me.

Please know that He loves you as well. Like they day, "God doesn't make any mess!" (&&&)

 

Welcome Quebec,. There are many on here in their 50s wrestling with the decision of hurting/destroying the ones we love or pursuing our own happiness. You will get lots of support on here. I know that feeling of being so alone lying next to someone you have been married to for 20 years. I also know the tears that have ran down my face reading some of the advice on here. You have found a good place.(*hug*)

 

Quebec, you are definitely in the right place. I guess you've already figured that out, with the outpouring of warm support that you have already received. My situation isn't all that different than yours. I just turned 59, my youngest just graduated from college, and I am very much in the closet. I came out to myself four years ago, and that was the most important step I have taken in my life. It sounds like you are already out to yourself, so you have that significant measure of honesty. Since joining EC, I came out to a friend I haven't seen for years, who is gay. EC inspired me to make that step, and it was very liberating. he lives a thousand miles away, but through the miracle of electronic communication, we renewed our friendship and shared our journeys. Who knows what lies ahead for you.
Like you, one of the things that has kept me from coming out to my wife has been the feeling that I did not have the right to purchase my own peace of mind at the price of someone else. Though I'm not sure if I'm right with that, because I'm sure that being married to a closeted gay man has its own disadvantages that we don't necessarily see. But here at EC, not only can you share everything that you couldn't tell anyone for so many years, you can also learn things from other peoples experiences, as we travel this road together.
As far as church, I also belong to a church that most people consider pretty conservative, though it is a broader tent than many understand. I am an ordained permanent deacon in the Roman Catholic Church. But I think that a lot of "what the Bible says," as homophobes present it, is just a lot of proof texting where they are taking selected verses out of context to make their point, and avoiding the ones they don't like (like about stoning women caught in adultery, eating pork, shellfish, etc). But we could go off on a tangent there, so I will stop. I will say that I went to confession to a Jesuit, who told me that I should stop pretending to be what I am not, and told me that it would be impossible for me not to have sex with men because it is in my nature as I was created. He did say, however, that I needed to tell my wife. And I almost did, soon after he told me that. That was one of several "almost dids" in my life. I suspect that at some point it will happen. But who knows. I am trying to live in today, and EC has been an important part of that. When I joined, I was very depressed and dealing with an almost crippling anxiety. Just coming on here and telling me story, and asking for help, made a very immediate difference that even I could notice within just my first two weeks. I share a lot on here, sometimes very deeply, like here, sometimes silly, sometimes just pretty stupid, but I always feel supported and understood. Something I haven't had much of in my life, partly because even when the opportunity was there I never had the courage to tell the truth. Or, when I had children at home, wasn't willing to risk losing them or my job. So good to have you with us!! we will learn from each other. :welcome:

 

Welcome, quebec. As others have said, you've found a safe and supportive community to share your thoughts and feelings as you embark on this new journey.

 

By the time I finished reading your post, I felt tears welling up in my eyes also. Yes, we all sit in front of computers located thousands of miles apart...but I can feel the truth of what you write all the way from over here, and I can sense that true and passionate heart that beats in you, and I also want to welcome you here to ec. Thank you for being so brave, you have inspired me today.
Andy. (*hug*)