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Holiday Guilt...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by OOC73, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. OOC73

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    Anyone else struggling with this?

    I am here with my amazing family. Most of them know nothing about me yet, only DH and my mum do.

    I look at them all, such wonderful people, and know that by this time next year it could all have crumbled round my ears because I need to come out and once I do, there is no going back.

    I also have really fallen for someone who is currently unobtainable and who I can't contact at the moment (long story), and so I'm swinging between feeling guilty, blessed, and desperate for a sign from her. It's futile and I know it will never go anywhere but it's been hugely intense and I care a great deal about her.

    It's tough to keep smiling.
    So if you are out there and it's a struggle, you are not alone, Holidays are not picture perfect. They are a challenge sometimes. But fleeting. Keep your chin up. Xx
     
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    As much as we wish to think the best of our loved ones, they are no less perfect than the average person we'd find on the street. There isn't a point in any of our lives when we've learned or grown enough. There will always be new people, cultures, and things to expose ourselves to; additional ways to open our minds.

    You will be that person for your family. You will be the one to expose them to a type of identity that they might have stigmatized or been uneducated on. Although they might struggle with it initially, LGBTQ family members are not a burden to a unit, they are the push that some need in order to be more accepting of all people.
     
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    and you may be the one that other people in the family go to when they need to come out. there are people in every family who struggle with this. and especially the younger ones in the extended family, having someone in the family come out will at the very least tell them that it is just a part of life, so they won't have to feel so ashamed. will it be different? yeah, at least in your mind it will be. will it be worse? not necessarily. it will definitely be a time of dealing with changed relationships. Scarey. It scares me, at least. But once we let those phoenixes break free from within our very beings, we know that we will be carried to wonderful places that we never knew existing, right?
     
  4. OOC73

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    My Phoenix has had its wings somewhat clipped by the latent homophobia that has become painfully obvious due to close proximity to people that have no idea what I'm dealing with. It's apparently acceptable to chuck about gay slurs all over the place. I'm the master of the "pained smile" - which translates to " I'm biting my lip because you are actually hurting me with your comments and I don't yet have the balls to throw your ignorance back in your face."

    Ugh. I wanted to be optimistic for 2015 but this has been a short sharp reality check. I look at DH and my heart breaks. Every time I come out to someone, he loses me a little more. And it really really hurts.
     
  5. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    maybe your phoenix will take a poo as it flies over their heads. at least, you can imagine that going on, and it may bring a smile to your face. and they will all wonder about that enigmatic smile.
     
  6. aboutface

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    This is pretty much what I'm going through now, exept mom doesn't know either.

    I both love and like my family. They are good people. Even aunts and uncles and cousins that live a few hundred miles away, I grew up seeing them at least once or twice a year, and for me it's always been a good thing. I'm visiting some of them now.

    I feel like they like and respect me too, so it's not like I have no pull or power whatsoever, but with a good number of them if I were to come out, it would for them become me vs. their faith, and I just don't know that it would end up good for me.

    I don't really feel guilt, but the situation is just hitting me. To be true to myself and live my life with the honesty and integrity I feel I need to, I must risk these relationships with people I love that are good and valuable to me.

    It's not fair. It sucks. I hate it.
     
  7. Penpal

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    I'm going through this too! My mum knows but still my family make comments I don't appreciate and she does nothing to stop it. I can't believe how many conversations we have had in the last few days about gay people and only my mum knows. I am with my sister, brother in-law and dad. I am more than disappointed at their attitudes.

    I also have feelings for someone I can't be with too. It's so hard. You have to grieve, but the feelings carry on because that person is still around. Very tiring. The worst thing is to love and not be loved back.

    On a lighter note we live relatively close compared to most on here. I live in Shropshire! :slight_smile: