Oh where do I start? Here goes... I'm gay however, Ive been living a lie for the past 39 years. I'm so afraid; how do I come out to my family and friends? Can I continue to deny my feelings or can I act on my feelings and keep it a secret forever? My head is spinning and I'm lost. I've always known what my preferences were however, this past year has been extremely challenging. I started a new job about a year ago and after being there for 3 months I was quickly promoted. This promotion brought happiness and tons of heartache. For the first time in my life I think that I've fallen head over heels for a lesbian. We have been flirting back and forth for about a couple of months now but nothing has come of it. I basically threw myself at her about a week ago, she reciprocated at the time but completely ignored and avoided me the next day. I know that it may sound crazy but I'm so hurt by her reaction. So I need your advice, where do I go from here?
Oh bless, it's horrible when people mess with your feelings. Maybe she is just scared! Is she open about her sexuality? Is she single? I'm still struggling with a one sided love. It only leads to hurt unfortunately. I have distanced myself but I know there is no hope in this case. You need to find out what she is thinking? If I were you I would asks her directly if she is interested. If she isn't try to move on. Easier said than done when the heart is involved I know! However at least you would know. Good luck and keep us posted! Fingers crossed she is madly in love with you and scared x
Hey Gingerlili, welcome to EC! Can you tell us if the person you fell for reports to you at your job? Is she in a lower rank in the organization? If so, there may be concerns about the power imbalance in the relationship. She may also be fearful of others finding out and the possible jealousies or other nasty comments that can arise in this situation. I hope that by joining us here, you will find ways to come out that will work for you. Keep posting and let us know how it works out!
Hi Gingerlili, welcome she may be like me and trys to keep personal relationships apart from her professional life, avoids some real complications that way. just a thought.
Hi, Thank you for your response; yes she is open about her sexuality. However she is an extremely private person. She's been with our organisation for about 18 years and everyone knows that she's gay. I heard through the grapevine that she is single. Extremely smart and gorgeous but take one look at her and you'll know. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2014 at 07:33 AM ---------- You could be right... I can't leave my office without her watching me. She teases me every chance that she gets and openly flirts. This has been going on for months. When we're alone I feel the tension it's unreal! But she flipped the switch as soon as I showed interest. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2014 at 07:39 AM ---------- Thanks for the warm welcome! To answer your question; no neither of us report to each other. We both have two separate roles and have to collaborate on occasion. If we're thinking in terms of seniority then she has way more than I do.
All right then, so yes, teasing and flirting are definite signs of interest, but the imbalance in your status at the office may still be a factor, and she most likely realized that she needs to tread carefully. Let her make the first move, this will require patience on your part...
there is always a danger with office romances, but that is where most of them start because that is where we are with people enough to get to know them. the danger, I think, is that eventually they have to end, and then comes the uncomfortable situation. In your case, it doesn't sound likes it's ended yet, and you are already in the situation. I guess you might first think about where YOU want it to go. Do you want it to develop into something more serious, or are you happy to leave it where it's at? If you still want to explore where it might go, there is nothing wrong with you taking a small initiative. Ask her if she can join you for lunch, or a cup of coffee after work. If she flat out rejects that courtesy, well, that might tell you something. If she takes you up on it, you'll have a chance to talk some. She is the one at greater risk. it seems, as an 18-year employee. I think that it may be harder for her to approach you for professional reasons than it would be for you to invite her out to something innocent. and I imagine ther eis always email, for something as innocent as a coffee invite.
Hey welcome to EC. Just try and take a deep breath, there could be a large number of reasons for the way things are napping but don't panic I'm sure we can get to the bottom of it. What was the situation where you threw yourself at her?
She may be interested but concerned and thinking that you are just "curious". I know several women who've been burned by this, falling for a bi-curious woman who wants to experiment a little and then go back to men. My first girlfriend was concerned about this with me (I was 29 and had only been with men). Patience and getting to know each other first helped.
* Think about your job. Imagine you and this woman got into a relationship...and it ended horribly. Could you continue doing your job with her still there? If not, I'd think twice (and thrice) about trying to nudge this forward. * If you'd like to nudge it forward, talk to her. Not in playful cutesy flirty ways, but seriously. Meet her after work somewhere. Lay your cards on the table. You're bi/gay, you're interested, but you're new at this, and you don't want it to end up horribly. * How do you tell everybody? "I've got a new girlfriend" works. "I was interested in a woman at work, but I decided it might make things awkward around the office" also works. Lex
I was sitting in my office with the door slightly open. She entered, closed the door and asked if she could sign some reports in my office and I said yes. Being that close to her excited but scared me at the same time. She inquired about my holiday plans and work schedule for the remainder of the year. It turns out that our schedules match perfectly. We both chuckled and looked at each other for a bit but said nothing. She got up looked at the clock and said just 2 more hours left, winked her eye and walked out. She deliberately ignored me the next day. I had to hand her reports; she took them without making any eye contact or saying a word. I don't mean to be so sensitive but it kinda hurts. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2014 at 12:12 PM ---------- Thanks for the tips!
This is SOOOO true. When I started to "come-out" to a few close friends at work about two years ago, my immediate bosses were some of my biggest supporters. However, where I work is a place where there are very few people over 35...most are in there early to mid 20s. Now, at 36 I'm the old bat, but I don't look my age so alot of the younger girls at work flirt with me big time. During a training conference last year, my boss pretty much made a pass at me but she's really not my type, so I think she's taken that plus the fact the younger girls like me and used it against me. I'm too much of a wuss to do anything about it, but still, its total BS that I now have an awkward work situation because of that. I mean, after that she pretty much told me...."don't let anyone know your gay you know this is a pretty conservative company...blah blah blah. Total BS>
not only is it total BS, it is probably totally illegal. it would certainly be nice to get that in writing! I'm sure an employment rights lawyer could have a field day with that!
