Another thinking out loud thread. Feel free to do something more worthwhile, like shoveling snow with a teaspoon. I've been giving thought off and on to dating recently. Since joining EC, I have regularly mentioned concerns that make me think that the time is not right to even think about dating. I identify a lot of self work/change that I think should take place first. And I have concerns that my cash flow could be flowing better. Yes, money isn't everything. And I'm aware one can do cheap dates. Possibly a DVD from the library, while munching on a frozen pizza. (Or, more accurately, a pizza from the frozen food aisle that is baked at home before eating it. I don't think I'd enjoy eating a frozen frozen pizza.) But it would be nice to be able to do other things. Perhaps a weekend vacation someplace. Perhaps just seeing a movie in the movie theater, instead of waiting for it to come out on DVD (and then deal with 358 holds that get slapped on the 5 copies the library buys before the DVD even gets indexed in the catalog). So, I've figured, I'll wander the wilderness until I reach a better place financially. And, ideally, a place where I am a better person. It wouldn't take much to make BMC77 a better person! someone grumbles from the back of the Later in Life audience. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm not getting just a bit trapped in this wilderness, with a likelihood of being trapped all my life. I hope cash flow improves this year--oh, God do I!--but I don't expect to reach a point where I make Bill Gates look like white trailer trash in comparison in 2015, or ever. Certainly personal change and growth will never stop. Life is about growth, even though some people decide to quit at age 25. Life is sort of like living in a house that is seeing a 80 year long remodeling project. One thing gets fixed, and it's time to move on to the next thing. (Although, to use the house analogy again, I feel like I'm a fixer upper that is one step short of gutted wreck...) Perhaps, I've thought the past few days, I should at least give a thought towards moving to some sort of clearing. Because if I wait for things to be perfect, I'll probably be waiting forever. Maybe create a profile on a dating site; if nothing else, it would give me a chance to see, first hand, all the profile strangeness that gets discussed here. We'll see. I won't make a decision now--having been practically demolished emotionally by the holiday season, I'm putting everything I can off to early January when, hopefully, I'll feel better. For that matter, I am aware that part of thinking of dating may just be reaction to an excruciatingly lonely holiday season. But it's something at least I think I should be thinking about...
exactly this…(above) maybe 2015 is the time for some changes - whether you can afford them or not !!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, BMC77. These lonely, dark, cold times of year are tough to navigate. (Got my pile of library books to keep me company...) Here's looking toward a brighter and warmer 2015, both physically and emotionally.
Dude... Tiny Tim had more money and a better crutch and stool than me and I am trying to date! I smell... rationalization
My experience has been that there's a significant learning curve when it comes to dating. Especially if you've never done it before and/or you've never dated your own gender. I don't just mean learning basic things like how to flirt or how to deal with rejection. I mean knowing when a mediocre first date warrants a second date. Or knowing when you should trust your gut, your head or your heart. (For me it takes a lot to get those all in alignment.) Experience is the best teacher. Experience is how we figure out who and what attracts us. It teaches us when infatuation is a short-lived phase and when it means something important. I've learned something from every first date I've had. Dating is an educational experience! Also, IMHO, dating is best done when you have no expectations. When you first begin, expectations are inevitable. Without experience you have little to guide you except your own pre-conceived ideas. To get to the low or no expectations stage the newness of it needs to wear off. The other thing about having no expectations is that every person you meet is a prospect. Dating, therefore, doesn't require creating a profile on a bunch of different websites. All it is is seeking out groups of eligible people who share your interests. In many ways, Meet-Up is the best dating site ever. When you attend an event no one expects to meet the love of their lives. All you do is hang out, do something you enjoy and meet new people. If you do that often enough, you'll make some terrific friends and, perhaps, even meet someone special. I suggest that you not worry about dating. Instead, don't be a hermit. Meet people, enjoy yourself and everything will naturally flow from there.
Hi, I love you guys but enough melancholy, melodrama and comiserating. Clean slate... f.... xmas, f.... new years. They are nothing but days on a calendar. BMC77... can you afford a gay cruise? If not a cruise a weekend trip to nearest gay getaway? Sh@T find a local EC member and meet them. You CAN do this. Tom ---------- Post added 30th Dec 2014 at 05:22 PM ---------- I am on two un-namable dating sites and an abomination app (LOL), Meetup lgbt groups, and look at the personals on a national list (for giggles) in addition to networking with gay friends. So far nothing and it can be frustrating, but if you do not buy a lottery ticket you cannot win. I even start with a local, male, gay therapist this week to see what I am doing right and "rong". I am treading water but in the pool
If you want to date. Start dating. Stick up a profile. Trust me. I dont take my own advice. But i definitely think we all put things off like we will live forever. Once i have (fill in the blank) i will be better equipped to (fill in the blank). Sounds good and responsible but in theory u end up missing out. You are a work in progress. You are ever changing. If you do not have money to date that is a real factor as dinner and a movie costs money. However there are tons of experiences that are free or inexpenisve. U can set the tone for the date. If money is an issue how about doijg things thatbare free or inexpensive....hiking,museums, free concert series, painting parties where you bring a bottle of wine and paint with your date, make a pizza from scratch together, a walk in the park, beach, river walk, etc. Take the leadership to go online and find free or inpensive things in your city to do. There are usually tons of stuff out there if you look. I have met a few guys that have cash flow issues but usually they are the same...they dont have money to go out to grab dinner or a movie or whatever but they are also not creative enough to suggest fun things that are within their budget. This then puts all the responsibility on me to either pick up the tab or have to come up wirh fun inexpensive things to do. Since ive had to do this alot, i know there are cool and cheap things to do. Its a drag to me when a guy doesnt get creative when they are rhe reason we have to get creative. My point is, you will look so cool for even having an idea. Cant hurt. Think out the box. Dinner and a movie is boring. A dvd and making a dish together could be fun and gets you talking (if it is safe to have the person in your home). Wen you are creative you have more meaningfil dates and experiences.
Thanks, everyone for your thoughts and comments. At times, I've thought I'd be sunk without my local library! ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2014 at 10:17 AM ---------- It's interesting that some other changes I'm pondering are difficult due to cost. And yet a part of me says: yes, technically I really shouldn't spend the money this way. But considering my overall well being, can I afford not to? ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2014 at 10:23 AM ---------- Yes, the learning curve is one bit of "fun." I'm at zero dates, which could make things interesting... And this is probably the approach I'd try. If nothing else, I think I feel more comfortable with the model of a relationship forming naturally from prior real world contact, vs. starting with meeting the person on date #1. (Or something very close to that.) ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2014 at 10:40 AM ---------- To a degree, true. But there is significance attached to those dates, and that is the problem for me. Christmas is a huge battle each year: the realities of today vs. what it might be (plus memories of Christmas Past, even though intellectually I know what I'll never have Christmas Past again). But enough of that... Back to the scheduled program, such as it is... No and No. Trust me, I'd love a vacation: indeed, it has been one idea for making Christmas less grim. But my budget is $0. The only cruise I might take anytime soon is on a state ferry, and even that is questionable: last time I was on a ferry was probably the summer of 1980.
And the funny thing is that I think I'd prefer some creativity, anyway. A part of me feels like the dinner and a movie date is so clichéd that the idea has been run into the earth so far that it has popped out the other side of the globe. :lol:
Great so get on line to find something new different and cheap. Your date will appreciate it. If he suggests something that has to use a lot of money you can always be honest and day money is a little tight right now but how about we do....xyz... its a lot better than sayimg "money is tight right now and i dont really know what to do how about going to lunch at chipotle?"
Definitely go for creative in the dating world, but the first date will most likely be a boring activity, only because it is almost universally probable that both of you will at least enjoy it, as for movies; not the best way to get to know someone, as you won't talk! And getting to know someone is the whole purpose of dating. If you like what you find out...on to the next step!
Worthwhile thought. Plus there is the issue of safety. If one does not know the potential date, as might well happen with someone selected from a dating website--or, worse, that notorious Gay App That Can't Be Named, or The World Will Implode--one should probably have a safe meeting place/plan. Dinner in a restaurant, for example, and make sure you have your getaway car handy.
There's always the coffee or cocktails options as well. A whole dinner is a huge time commitment. :lol:
True enough. And coffee does definitely fit my budget a lot better than a big dinner. Plus there are about a billion coffee shops in my area.
Coffee/tea is a great first simple date. U get a chance to talk and u dont waste time and money with someone u r not into. In the second date you can go to the zoo lol
