Eeeek!!! Homophobic Wife!!!

I was in a relationship like that once, ONCE. You need to confront her about her contempt for you. This has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Remember, being gay is only a part of who you are ( a great life coach once told me that.) It may consume a great deal of your time, but it is still only a part of you. You need to deal with the part of you that is married to this woman. DO NOT let your sexual orientation get mixed into the huge rift between you.

Make her own up to her anger. The woman I was with and I went to counseling together and that is basically what he told her she had to do.

We need to chat more about this. I am actually fired up, remembering the crap I went through until I finally broke.

 

Same thing is happening with me Wildside, my wife and I are originally from the middle east and not one day passes without her showing her homophobic character. I cannot say anything though since it is a taboo talking freely about this issue in our family, although we lived in North America for close to 20 years now. I'm afraid that if I stand against her she'd figure out that I'm gay.

I started seeing a therapist on my own a couple of weeks ago, and started to talk to him about how my wife treats me, he told me that what I'm describing is nothing but an abusive relationship, and I'm being the victim without realizing it. My fear to break the marriage, my weakness towards her in fear of. Revealing my homosexuality kept me blind all of those years.

I'm not sure if you're facing the same nonsense or not but it is better to keep your eyes open on her ways to manipulate you.

 

Oh my God, you're describing my life here. Wife like her mother and sisters all treating their husbands in disrepectful ways, some have problems and other men accept them.

Some times this will let me think whether it becomes very pronounced with us, because, we are trying to make it work more from the sexual orientation perspective, and then the abuse part makes it worse. I remember that I accepted a lot of harassment from my wife just to keep the marriage, or in other words keep myself away from my gay life.

It is sad that beside our struggle with ourselves something like that adds to the problem, but may be it would be a good excuse for separation? How would I feel if my wife is loveable and nice instead? The guilt would be doubled.

 

I can't really offer you any advice or help, but I just wanted to add my support (*hug*) I wish you the best.

 

I hear you brother, getting divorce isn't difficult in our society like before twenty years back, the girls in our country plan their divorce before wedding. But for me my husband is an angle and I have with him my wonderful children. So I don't have any excuse.

I think when you have a wife like yours she need you to put her in her place, just think if you are not gay and hiding from her what will your reaction will be?

 

I have never been in anything like the situation you describe so I may be way off base. But I have to say I would at least try to look at it as a blessing. The fact of the matter is that as you come to terms with things and decide to live your life more honestly you are going to turn your wife's world upside down. Do you honestly think that would be easier for you if she was a loving, caring and respectful partner? Move on--to be honest I think that would be my advice even if you were straight--just move on.

 

What OGS says! I can't tell you how many times in my coming out process I wished my wife and I were on bad terms, when in fact we are what everyone thinks of as "the perfect couple" (in all but one very important, and ultimately unreconcilable, respect). We are each other's closest companion, soulmate, partner and peer, but in the end, that wasn't enough. What I thought was love was but a pale imitation of the real thing. I still love her, but only in that "qualified" way — the other day we joked that the Greeks must have a specific word for it.

The good news is that we seem to be working toward a mutually satisfactory resolution to our situation, and I have no doubt that we will eventually part the best of friends and maintain that relationship for the rest of our lives. But I still can't help but think that it would have been so much easier had I been able to just to walk away. If I were in the OP's shoes, I wouldn't hesitate.

 

Love the irony. Homophobia combined with unawareness of your sexual orientation is just...

At one hand, it would be funny to see her reaction: However, overall it may be a bit too cruel to come out to her for that sole reason.

You have a difficult decision to make.

 

You are clearly being far too subtle about the whole thing. Can I recommend ordering yourself a teeshirt with "Guess Who Has Two Thumbs And Is Gay?" printed on it, putting it on, then wandering around the house doing Fonzie impressions?

 

your marriage sounds like mine as well. nothing to do with sexual orientation however. more to do with the manipulations and mental health issues that she brought to the marriage and to the parenting of my child. i don't count her in that regard anymore either. my son has thanked me several times for getting him out of that situation. now he only has to deal with her on the phone and once a month face to face. if your like me, you will feel such a sense of relief when you are out of that pressure cooker.

 

Could you send the same meteor over once done at your place please! What kept me with my wife is nothing but the kids. Now at 21 and 15, she dropped the bomb of separation in front of both of them, and I know very well that she knows what she's doing, she is manipulating my emotions using the kids to get what she wants, she knows very well that I couldn't handle their feeling when receiving such news. I'm seeing my therapist on tuesday, I believe that if she doesn't initiate separation then I will. I cannot handle it any more. Pray for me, I'm praying for you.

 

well, i would say that you have done your duty to your son as you have seen fit. now what compassion will Wildside show to Wildside? you deserve to be happy too sweetie(*hug*)

 

there you go, look after yourself the same way you've looked after everyone else.