I'm not out yet, but one of the things that frighten me is actually gay sex. I've never been in a gay sexual relationship in my life and was wondering if long term gay sexual relationships could just be "oral"? How successful or unsuccessful is it, or is it just doesn't exist?
I would venture to suggest they can be whatever you and your to be determined partner want it to be! Some couples just do oral, others just do anal, some just play with one another, the list goes on and on and the combinations are endless.
I think your relationship should be whatever you want it to be. The problem, if there is one, is that it should also be whatever your partner wants it to be. Anytime you start putting limitations on what you are willing to participate in you do limit the field--but frankly any kind of standard you have does that and it doesn't mean you shouldn't have standards. That being said, in my experience, which back in the day was pretty extensive most guys are pretty versatile and enjoy that--limiting sexual options too much may take more people out of the running than you might think. For me, and I don't think I'm alone in this, sex is about breaking down the barriers between two people and someone declaring I'm not into that (with a few of the more standard exceptions) kind of undermines that feeling.
Thanks all, it's good to know and learn .. I feel like a 49 year old virgin teenager asking those questions!
there are definitely long term gay sex that doesn't include anal there's oral, there's manual, and there is kissing and cuddling which is really great. I'm a bottom and I love that, but if I found the right guy that I wanted to be in a long term relationship with, it wouldn't matter to me if he didn't like bufu. there are always toys too. it's the relationship that matters. the sex, you figure that out between the two of you. yeah, there are guys for whom it would be a deal breaker, but there are lots for whom it would not be, and lots of guys who feel like you do. the first guy I came out to is a bottom like I am. He lives far away, but if we ever get to be in the same place at the same time, I am SURE that we will find something that we can do!
My husband and I have been together 18 years and I could just about count the number of times we've done anal on the fingers of one hand. Neither of us find anal painful or gross or anything like that. But neither of us find it sufficiently pleasurable to be worth the bother. We do oral or manual or cuddling or body contact or sometimes fingering. But we have basically mutually decided to not bother wasting any time with anal. At one point in my life I was in a relationship with a guy who loved anal and wanted to do it almost daily. I could pretty much balance my checkbook in my head while we were going at it. Anal just bores me (whether it be with another or solo with toys or whatever). Beyond that, out of the dozen or so guys I've hooked up with or had relationships with...only about 4 included anal in any capacity. For the rest, I don't think the subject even came up. My very unscientific estimate, based on responses here on EC when the question has come up, is that something around 25% of guys aren't into anal, with 'aren't into' ranging in meaning from 'well, if you want to do it, I suppose we can' to 'Hell will freeze before I do that!!!'. So you're odds aren't that bad really. That said, you might find that, in the course of being sexual and turned on with a guy, that the thought of anal doesn't seem so scary in the heat of the moment or after getting to know and trust someone over time and wanting to increase the level of intimacy. Or not. Ultimately, it's your choice and you need to do what works best for you. Todd
As others have said, why not wait to see where it goes once you're in a relationship. I enjoying topping (it's probably the most enjoyable act for me), but I also enjoy bottoming, not because the physical sensation does much for me, but because I feel an incredible wave of emotion when my partner's inside of me. On the rare occasion I allow a partner to come inside me without a condom (I'm on PReP), that wave of emotion reaches a peak.
that!!! I always forget to mention that, but it is really the biggest thing for me about bottoming. it is that "wave of emotion" as you describe it, it is that warm, fuzzy feeling where every thing in the would seems to have a soft glow to it, it is some indescribable emotional feeling that everything is ok.
Sex is a spectrum. PiV is sex, Anal is sex, Oral is sex, Manual is sex, Tribbing/Frotting is sex. And you can choose to like some of these, and not others regardless of the relationship. I think people that overvalue penetration to the point where It's the only 'real' thing are limiting themselves.
If it feels good, do it! In all seriousness, it can be whatever you're comfortable with. It doesn't hurt to try something once. If you don't like doing something with your partner, you should talk it out and find an alternative you both enjoy!
