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done it!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bottomsup, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. bottomsup

    Regular Member

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    Hi all, wishing you all the best for twenty fifteen and beyond.
    Over the last couple of years, (the last one in particular) I have been coming to terms with myself. Am I gay or bisexual? Girl or boy? It has all been in a big state of flux, and my lifes of suppressed and boxed away real me has been showing itself. A little frustrated at time (like all times) so emotions and thoughts just trying to drive me overboard, and to turn into a raging queen.
    Last year I was convinced that I am 100% gay, and that my life needed to change big. Ended up temporarily splitting up with the wife, which really didnt feel very good atall (playing it down) anyhow, yes all the years of desire ...
    I told the world, then after the 48hr eviction and sleeping in hedges and stuff we both decided that whatever the future holds, we will stay together for the now. (we love each other dearly, and she is the most understanding woman I know).
    Had a lot of worries, did I ever really love her? It must be a man I need etc..
    I have several full on crushes on guys at work, one I go weak at the knees every time I try to talk, hah. Hopless. Anyhow, today i have ended a lot of questions, and have had my first ever male 2 male contact, which was of course utterley fantastick.
    I have been putting it off and off withany fears would i ever be able to be comfortable ay home, or will i get in the car and leaf and go find the gay lover ofy dreams etc?
    Anyhow, so met this why from a not so questionable site, he is local and gay and friendly.
    So i have tasted the forbidden fruit, and rode it also. FAB -
    Daft and stupid to not have done so sooner, but it was a line I could not cheat to do it, could not leave, so had to take the long way round, and adjust her and my brains into acceptance, and bliss, and that its ok to have the occassional fling with a guy. (!)
    Now today, a few hours ago i acompmished just that. My first hand on anyones knee etc.. So total noob, but i did ok.
    So now, will see how it goes, but this does change my life a lot, and empowers the inner me who i have been battering internally for the last couplemof decades. Peace reigns now, with a litre fear for future re marrige, but wow, fantastick. :eusa_danc
    no more :bang:, its time to get along and live life much fuller than before.
    Glad in a way to have saved it, as might not have the kids etc.
    so, didnt manage to face it for my 30s, but have at least nailed that (or been nailed) at the beginning of my forties. (41 in 2months)
    Thanks for your support all over this last year, and patience lol!.
    Have stayed away for the last couple ofonths, as felt it was just feeding my round adn Roy d in circles behaviour.
    Peace and light and love to all.
    who knows what the future will bring, we dont have penatrive sex (me and the wife) except for exceptional circumstances, so will see how that goes.. Ok so far (once, perhaps twice in a year) as we do "make do" with mutual mast, but really, she needs someone to put her through her paces, not quite sure im all that ready to let go and she is totally not ready to let me go, and we do love each other, and i try and will i think niw be able to be a better husband in the bedroom. The last few years its all me me me, as i have had so much on my mind.
    I recon we will be allright, and even wmig we dont last, we will be alright, as will the kids.
    We as parents have grown up a lot over the last few years.:thumbsup:
    Rockon!
    Hmmm.
     
  2. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Bottomsup

    Happy New Year to you, and what a way to start it off, I hope this brings clarity to your vision of who you want to be and where you want to go with your life.

    SGG
     
  3. bottomsup

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    Hi SGG, happy new year to you also.
    Yes, certainly gets the ball rolling, and takes if the brakes finally.
    Time for some further sexperimentation im hoping, and see what's the go.
    Of course brings the whole if im gay not bi I should leave home thing up again, but it is daily anyhow, hoping to be able to get work done rather.than just sitting about in dreamland all the time, work will.benefit.
    I guess sex with the same person can be much less a turn on if you are in a ltr, - i still can't really have sex with the wife, although we do cuddle and play together.. Will have to see how the next two months go.. At the moment we want to preserve things, it takes time to work this through, might be totally fine and be together a long time.
    Only if i can fit in my time with men, ultimately i want a boyfriend, but who doesn't? I need to sort myself out further, be fitter, more confident and be able to jiggle two relationships..
    Im sure i can do that, but do have concerns about mine and my wifes sexual relationship.
    Anyhow, she is a few years younger, and way more beautifull that i so if it came to it she ought to be able to find a partner.. But hopefully i will move to a more bisexual rather than gay sexualness, and be able to keep it all together... Or perhaps that's just daft and better sort it sooner rather than later, but who knows. I would have to truly test myself with another woman to check its not just lack of interest as of regularity, but am quite certain that its not. Hard as have spent time in my life enjoying sex (really? Or just no other option, and it seemed the right.thing to do?) with the two ladies I have had in my life, so not always sure if just reaching into the past to prop up the present or something like that... Who knows..
    Have a good 2015:slight_smile::slight_smile:
    2 am, lol plucking my chest hairs one by one with tweezers...
    Thanks for the reply, hope its all groovy there for you:slight_smile:
    Tc