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Is there a such thing as a platonic gay relationship?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SouthernGeek, Jan 4, 2015.

  1. SouthernGeek

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    I've been trying to meet gay and bi guys for a platonic relationship. The problem is that I am bi, and currently separated from my wife, but have been trying to work things out. My wife and daughter spends the weekends at my place, and I have my daughter by myself some other nights during the week.

    I'm currently trying to figure out who I am and all of that, and it would be nice to have real people to talk to (no offense to all my new internet friends here :smilewave ). Is there a way to find people who would respect my "closet" but would be interested in just being buddies, and maybe going to the gym together, go grab drinks together, go fishing, whatever.

    Has anyone met people like this? I just think it would be awesome if there was something similar to a dating app, but not for dates per se, but for friendships for people. Would going to a gay club be a waste of time? Is it possible that somebody else is there at the bar not for a hookup but just to hang out and meet people? Am I being stupid?(!)
     
  2. skiff

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    Yup... gay support groups, group therapy.

    I have a bi friend at work and a teansgender work colleague which are platonic. I also have a partnered/married best friend (closer than amily) and there is no sex, simply friendship.

    My bi friend was relieved to learn I was gay and said "It is so good to have somebody to talk to about this and it be normal". He is a mountain of a man. Ex military. I like him a lot but there is no romantic chemistry.

    So platonic does happen.
     
  3. bingostring

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    yes… activity weeks..

    I can't suggest any in the USA but over here we have quite a few that do cycling, hiking, personal development, either day-long events or even week long residential. So you get to meet people doing a shared interest and its not like trying to hook up all the time. I have made some good life-long friends this way.
     
  4. OGS

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    There definitely is such a thing. I have lots of gay male friends, the vast majority of which I have never slept with. Actually, now that I think about it the ones I have slept with (with the exception of my partner) I haven't slept with in almost 20 years--surely there comes a point where it's "platonic" again.:lol: As far as where I met these friends--pretty much all over. I met quite a few of them in bars and clubs--I used to be quite a barfly, partly because the first large group of gay friends I ever had I met the first time I went to a gay bar.:lol: But then I also met people at the beach and at work and places I volunteered, plus I led a gay book group at one point and still have friends I met there. Plus of course once you start meeting people it snowballs, friends of friends and all that... It's definitely doable. Have fun!
     
  5. SouthernGeek

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    That's encouraging. I'm not really ready to be totally out. Especially since I am bi, and at least at this point I am pretty sure I like women more than men. I'm not ready to take that "plunge" and be out there. I'm in counseling now trying to figure out things, but in the mean time it would be nice to have someone I could talk to that wasn't charging $125 an hour.
     
  6. Wildside

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    where you look will influence what you will find. If you go to gay bars, or cruise the internet hookup sites, you will probably have a hard time finding anything other than guys who want to have sex, thank you and goodbye. but there are places to meet gay men who are not looking to immediately jump your bones. It is, of course, easier if you are in a bigger city, and almost impossible if you are in a small town in the bible belt (no, make that impossible). there are "meetup" sites on the internet that cater to a wide range of interests (most of them not gay). those sites usually include some LGBT meetups, and even coming out of the closet meet ups. they schedule social events, outreach activities, get togethers, etc. I think that is a good way to meet gay people for forming friendships. there are LGBT support centers, and political action groups, which can be good alternatives as well. and if you are at all religiously inclined, there are gay friendly churches, and gay churches (you can find information about them with some internet searches). that can be a good place to meet people, especially if you get involved in some activities, such as working feeding the hungry, any kind of service work, etc. It really all comes down to doing some homework, and then getting involved with life. but the "instantaneous" solutions are usually just not going to develop the friendships, so be patient in your efforts. CONGRATULATIONS, and good luck!!! :goodluck:
     
  7. offmychest

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    yes you can meet people like this. just make it CLEAR on your profiles what you want and you can find other like that as well. Not keep in mind that many guys will lie and say they just want something platonic and later will start talking about sex and something raunchy. after you have tried the "im seeking friends" bit for a while, you'll start to be able to tell who really wants friends and who really wants sex. maybe do some meetup groups. i think that would be better than a gay dating site.
     
  8. Chip

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    I agree with offmychest. In my experience, you often have to make it clear... sometimes... over... and over... and over.

    That said, I have a wonderful group of platonic friends where there's never any question about our intentions. You can definitely find those people, it just may take a bit of time. Meetup can be a good place to start; there are often LGBT board game nights, pot lucks, hiking or basketball groups, movie nights, all sorts of things that can be great places to meet friends that don't have the "meat market" vibe that the clubs and bars do.
     
  9. JerryX

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    You are perfectly normal in your present state imo. In general gays are very full and aware about themselves, so it´s only normal for you to feel insecure. I find it very charming for someone to feel shy about sexuality, so I would be your best buddy if only I wouldn´t be here on the other side of the sea :kiss:

    And many gaymen have friends they don´t sleep with, really. Not all of us are crazy about sex and drugs. So my answer to your question is yes. But if alcohol is involved, there is bigger chance to end up in bed...and can you be friends after that...some can and some cannot.

    You stated yourself being bi, so if you gaydar is not that obvious and strong (e.g. like mine), I think it is easier for you to hang out in regular places and contact gay community when you are feeling more confident about yourself and don´t fear to show your passion. Besides, some gaymen really dislike bi-guys :eek:

    Have fun!