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What happened after I came out to my kids

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Spaceman, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. Spaceman

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    Nothing. That is, nothing bad. They still love me as much as before. We still laugh and play and enjoy our time together. They are still well adjusted and happy and doing well in school.

    The kids are 8 and 12 and it's been 3 weeks since I came out to them. It's been more than a year since I came out to my wife and moved out of the house. I wanted to tell them earlier, but waited out of respect for her wishes. Waiting turned out to be the right thing to do because the kids have been through a lot in the past year including moving to a new city and starting new schools.

    Before telling the kids, my wife and I consulted with a child therapist and the two of us met with each other to make sure we were on the same page. When the time came to tell them, we decided to talk to each one separately because of the age difference. My wife wanted to be there when I told them and I was fine with that. I did most of the talking, first telling them how proud I am with the way they've handled all the changes they've been through and reassuring them that their mom and dad will never stop loving them and being part of their lives.

    They both already knew what it means to be gay and that it's not a bad thing, so I didn't have to explain any of that. When I got to the point of saying I'm gay, they really had no reaction. Mostly they just wanted to get in with their day.

    We both assured them thy could ask either of us any questions, but so far they haven't had any. I'm sure they will come in time, but I'm letting it happen when they're ready. I'm still being cautious about making gay references around them, partly out of habit but mostly to let them set the pace.

    The other day the kids and I were watching TV and a commercial came on with an obviously gay man endorsing professional wrestling of all things (another sign of progress I'd say...guess it makes sense there'd be a large gay fan base for that sport, but I digress). My younger one said "that guy is gay, isn't he?" I told her that he most likely is and that sometimes you can tell when people are gay and sometimes you can't. It was a nice little learning opportunity and I know there will be more to come.
     
  2. unloved

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    That is so great to hear that they still treat you the same !!
     
  3. happyhamster144

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    Hi that sounds like they were great and you handled it well. In that type of situation you need to be led by the children and what they need.
     
  4. looking for me

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    good job man.
     
  5. BradThePug

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    I'm glad to hear that they handled it well :slight_smile: Congrats on coming out to them!
     
  6. trailrider

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  7. Biotech49

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    Yes! Good to hear!
     
  8. RelaxedDude97

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    Dad game on point haha
    Goodjob man, i don't know you, but i'm proud :slight_smile:
     
  9. BiPenguin

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    Sounds like both of you handled it well.
     
  10. BiPenguin

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    Sounds like both of you handled it well.
     
  11. Wildside

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    Congratulations!!! Your kids are blessed with some really cool parents. They'll be OK. They'll be more than OK, in fact, they will grow up with the best example you could ever hope for of what it means to be authentic and honest. The fact that you and your wife were able to work together, for the best possible outcome for the kids, is a blessing for everyone!
     
  12. tscott

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    Good for you. We told our children when we announced the divorce. Didn't want to leave any doors open. Everyone took the news of the divorce much harder than the reason for the divorce, my being gay. In many ways it has brought me closer to my two youngest children.
     
  13. TrueNorth

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    It's really great to hear this kind of positive response, along with how you handled the process. I have two sons who are 11 and 14 and I am so nervous about coming out to them. I am a single mom, and I am soooo nervous! This gives me hope, although I'm remaining realistic! Thanks!