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Finally asked the question I've been wondering about...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bi2me, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. bi2me

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    For those of you following my life (which seems a bit strange that some of you might be, but I know I worry about people I don't see on here for a while), skip down to the stars. I'll put background first.

    Summary of life/sexuality history: In HS, my bff and I were intimate with each other for a couple of years. Things cooled off when I went to college and we lost contact for the most part for a long time. We started talking again occasionally and seeing each other once a year when she would come back into town for Christmas. Over this past summer, we were at a wedding together and spent several days together. During that time, I realized that I am indeed bisexual, and I am seriously still attracted to her. We are both married. Both our husbands knew about our past relationship (if you can even call it that) - my husband and I have been dating since during that time, so he knew then. Anyway, I told her how I felt, and she responded with, "Some types of love aren't compatible"

    I wasn't really sure what this meant, so I finally messaged her and asked her. Here's my text and her response:

    ***"Feel free to disregard or ignore all of the following as the rantings of a crazy person, but here goes:
    When we got off the 'phone'[facetime], I realized that at least on my end of things, I'm purposefully keeping things light and not pushing or asking questions when I think of them.

    I'm pretty much having a panic attack at the thought of pushing send, so maybe just don't read this.

    But, for the sake of my sanity, here are the ones I thought of and chose not to ask (-10 points if you can't guess the topic):

    Also, in no particular order:

    Drunk A(bff) asked drunk K(another friend who had had a ss relationship), "don't you miss it (girls)" implying you do, but I was too drunk to follow up and didn't want to bother the boys with any discussion of the like. So...

    In New Mexico [during the week we were out there], in response to my freak out, you said, "some kinds of love aren't compatible." Btw, great line-should be in a movie/book. Wtf does it mean though? Possible interpretations: you aren't interested (which is fine... I'm working my way back to reality), you'd love to but have a husband (also fine, same here), we can't be friends and more bc it doesn't work (or something like that)

    What happened between you and L(her husband) after New Mexico. I had kind of figured we had a chance at friendship and that's it, but then drunk cuddles and then you saying he was mad. Friendship is working out (I think...) more drunk cuddles this trip... I'm a little confused.

    Ok I'm trusting in the power of 25 years of being besties and hitting send. Please ignore if you can't deal with this. I can't deal with you sending me a break up letter. [reference to a time when we were 14 that she told me we weren't friends anymore]"

    Her response:
    "Give me a little time to think and respond - want to give it some thought. However don't think I'm just ignoring this. I sometimes have to absorb/munch on my thoughts. Don't worry, no "break up" letter will work its way here. I'm glad you took the courage to express these thoughts. It's empowering to see you taking a shot at that vulnerability thing. I sometimes wonder what you are thinking about during our silences on ft. Maybe we should make a stack of cards with our thoughts/questions we think of at random times and then play cards at ft- pick a card and discuss?? again will respond more in depth later- but my statement in NM is based on a few different life experiences, including us of course but in general fromy observances and experiences- some of which I am still sorting out if they are to be kept to myself forever or shared. I'm sorry for further confusion on cincy cuddles-I guess I thought it was the healthy boundaries that came after our discussion in NM but maybe that needs to be reexamined. Speak more soon and thanks for hitting send. "

    Still waiting to hear back from her.
    Thoughts??????
     
  2. indiqo

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    I find her response confusing. whether or not it's because I'm not directly involved or I am crap socially, I don't know.

    for sure she is saying that you wouldn't be compatible. the bit about healthy boundaries makes me think she views cuddling as a friendly affection thing. or perhaps as you are both married she finds it awkward. when she said about observations and experiences and the fact she said this about another same sex relationship and not yours (correct me if I'm wrong), perhaps she was passing judgement on same sex relationships in general and is therefore not really her admitting/denying any attractions/feelings toward you, but more saying that same sex relationships don't work or the same sex isn't really compatible (perhaps her views have changed since highschool)?

    could you tell her that you are still attracted to her and get a more definitive answer from her? does she know you are bisexual? also does she identify as non-straight now or?

    sorry I am so confused.
     
  3. bi2me

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    I'm totally confused too. Waiting for a response.
    She is bi. She knows I'm bi. I told her point blank that I like her but don't intend to do anything about it. We are both pretty introverted, so it's sometimes hard to get straight answers - probably from both of us...
     
  4. Really

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    I don't think you need to be concerned about her reply, whatever it is. Her reply so far sound thoughtful and well worded. She sounds to me like someone who will consider all angles.
    I like her idea about the cards.
     
  5. bluedoh

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    Ever hear back from her?
     
  6. bi2me

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    Not yet. We've talked and texted a lot, but I'm giving her a week before I bring it up again. Her ex girlfriend was in town tonight, and I know that caused a little friction with her husband, so I'm trying to give her space... Hopefully I'll hear back on the questions soon.