I really wish I weren't such a loser.

I have more to say, but first: Don't give up on life. I know all too well how tempting it may be, but the trick is to keep breathing.

I understand how frustrating it can be not to have a car or easy access to transportation. I had to sell my car in 2009 and since then I'm really limited to where I can go and who I can see. It's very depressing, especially when there's subzero temperatures outside and I couldn't take a walk if I wanted to. I'm not able to afford certain hobbies, either -- love to travel but haven't had the funds to step foot out of my state in years.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is you're not alone. I wish I were a full member; if I were I'd send you a PM and lend you a virtual shoulder. I'm closeted to most of my loved ones but even those I'm out to don't understand me and/or aren't interested in listening to what my heart has to say, so your desire to make friends rings true to me.

I wish I could offer more support than this reply probably gives you. I will admit I'm curious to know who your three favorite celebrities are, and to me, you're not a loser. ♥

Sending you hugs,
Dots

 

Is there some hobby or activity you enjoy? I don't know how involved it is but would you be up to creating your own meetup group in your area? You can specify it's for lgbt women or simply that lgbt and lgbt-friendly women are welcome. Sunday morning walking group, book club, knitting circle, auto maintenance discussion group, whatever!
I imagine some might be reluctant to sign up but maybe if you picked a time and place and said you'll be there at table 2 or by the mailbox or wherever, people might be more inclined to come, as they are still "anonymous" until they actually commit.
You might have to prepare yourself that nobody shows up the first time but if you can think of the whole thing as a bit of fun and if something comes of it, great, and if not, you tried.
I think doing something concrete might, one, take your mind off things for a bit, and two, actually yield some new people in your life.
I'm sure you're a good organizer, you must have done lots of organizing in your time. :]

 

Hey, that's good you've gone! I don't even have the guts for that yet. Maybe this year.
Do the people do something to make you uncomfortable or do you experience this unease spontaneously in your head? Surely, you don't have to explain yourself or admit to anything when you're there? Even if it's assumed by your presence that you're a lesbian, you don't need to act on it, if you should be so lucky as to have someone ask you out. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't happen before anyone gets to know you a bit. Unless you're the luckiest person around.

 

Hi WomanInAmber,

I just wanted to let you know, that I have anxiety with driving too. I only drive a three mile radius around my home. I'm pretty much incapable of driving highways without panic attacks. I find it difficult finding excuses and reasons why I can't get somewhere myself, and when I try to say I have anxiety with driving, people look at me weird, so sadly I lie sometimes and say I was in a bad accident (I was not) so that they don't think I'm a weirdo.

I know that was only one thing you said, but I just had to let you know you're not the only one I have that problem too!

 

I just want to say that you shouldn't beat yourself up about going on the LGBT dating site. It is a logical thing to do, and the results you have are not unusual. There are men pretending to be women to talk to lesbians, and then there are men pretending to be women to talk to men. And then, what I found when I tried one of those sites, there are LOTS of young men who target older gay men like me because they're hustlers (I'm not interested in men in their 20's at all, and I know every time I got contacted by one of them that they were going to suggest an erotic massage for a price, or try to get me to go to their website to see their photos). And there were not a lot of guys my age in my area, and even they seemed more interested in erotic chat or photos. So first I started blocking people, and finally I just quit the site. There are hookup sites for men, but again those aren't the place that we're likely to find a relationship. I don't think sites like that exist for women, but even if there were you're not missing anything. So I've kind of been down that same path, and I think that it is just a learning experience. I don't think those sites are even all that great for heteros.
So how can you meet people? Well, it does get down to getting out to meet people, at LGBT events, at meetups, at a gay-friendly or gay church. And yeah, with out a car, it's harder. But contact them and let them know that you want to come, but are transportation challenged. put in your meetup profile that you need transportation. When there is an event, let people know that you need a ride. and who knows, maybe your transportation challenge will become exactly what you need to meet someone. I hope so!!! (&&&)

 

I was so much the same way when I first started questioning my sexuality. It took me 10 years to finally admit it and then I was SO lucky to have a good friend who I confided in. She confessed to having the same feelings, we started to investigate, we went to a lesbian bar and she got picked up and ended up in a LTR and I was still alone! Pretty funny. But her support at that moment was invaluable.

I know you've mentioned the age thing before. I'm 51 and single and am still hopeful that I can find someone! Your age and your appearance don't matter as much as you think; most women I know are just looking for something real, someone they can care about and share their lives with.

Great that you've gone to meetups. Maybe you can try and befriend some people in the groups, just as friends and not as potential romantic partners? I myself have great difficulty with "extending" myself that way, so that's one of my goals for 2015, to reach out more! Maybe it would work for you too! We can share successes and miseries here.

 

You are not a loser. Tell you what, phx is not that far from LA, maybe we could talk some off site. Shoot me a private message and lets see what happens.

 

I'm afraid of driving now, too. Like, I'm sure I could, but it's been so long since I've been behind the wheel it makes me nervous to think about driving.

I've never heard of Die Ärzte but I'm going to look them up! I love a lot of bands no one has heard of and/or remembers so I'm used to receiving blank stares when I discuss my music tastes, hehe.

First off, I love Marlene Dietrich. You just earned 10,000 virtual cookies from me.

Second, I'm a huge fan of anime and can think of plenty o' anime women who are sexy. (Just because they are drawn doesn't mean they can't eye candy, ya know?) What's your favorite genre of anime, if you don't mind my asking? I prefer romantic comedies and -- as much as I try to deny it -- those based on visual novels.

RE: Your previous relationship. When I first came out to myself as bisexual I had a difficult time getting physical with *anyone*. It took me a while to accept who I am and my desires; after that I was able to move forward.

 

:icon_wink

Okay, this will show my geekiness, but would you believe that although I did make out wih a friend when I was 15, until I was 32 I would have denied any suggestion that deep down o was and always had been attracted to women.a game made me come out. What changed. In 2010 my dad passed away at 56 from pancreatic cancer on March 30th, while I was at the airport flying to Seattle as my grandmother had passed a few days prior. When my mom called and told me. I was at the gate, I didnt cry audibly, but remained quiet, tears flowing before punching a concrete pillar.., thus breaking my right hand. Now, fast forward to the summer. Around the middle of July I was having constant stomach issues, so I just thought it was an ulcer. Went to the doctor and she to be cautious, ran a pregnancy test. It wad positive. Now, after my dad died I 9retty much was a wreck, drinking more than I should. I wadnt alcoholic, but i was drinking enough to make a coed blink. Now, at first the doctor said I was fine, as was he baby after tests but my husband was "concerned about my health" because of the complications my sister had in her pregancies and the fact my mom almost died giving birth to me. Truth is im a tank, and very healthy. He didnt then and doesnt now want kids, when I was in my 20s it bugged me, but now im happy being an aunt. But I tell everyone "I had a miscarriage" it wasn't, I had an abortion for healh reasons. Strike number 1 for my relationship forever changing. We moved on, but during that summer I also picked up Mass Effect 2....gamer to the bone. For those who arent familar with the game series, it is a very well written space opera with a very compelling love story. One of he romance options is essentially a lesbian romance, between the female commander and one of her Alien crew members. I couldn't get enough of it. The game and the fanficion it has generated are some of the best romances (hehe and smut) I have ever read. Hell I still wish Asari (a race of beautiful women) were real and that Aria is the hottest of hot.I even ended up falling in love with a fellow writer, but I stopped it before I did something I'd regret. Now, there is alot more to it, but I wont get into much more detail for now, but just know that thinking animated character is hot isnt all that uncommon and those who look down on you arent cool enough to get it anyway....who could see Dragon Age and not think Isabella is so edible or Mass Effect and not want to drop themselves into the middle of beautiful Asari

 

My 18 yo gay roommate uses Uber occasionally to get around, he doesn't have a license at the moment. Cheaper then a cab at least, but it can still be expensive. Keep it in mind as an alternative to a taxi. From what I understand, you can request the ride, and get a price for price for it, before committing to the transaction.

Don't worry about not being atypical anything. There are many flavors of humanity out there. If you are into gaming and anime, I bet there are meetup groups you could find for that. Don't go trying to find a relationship, find people who share your interests.

Just get out there and be yourself. You are questioning your sexuality, but that's only one aspect of yourself. Sometimes you just have to take the leap past your insecurities and inner critic, and go for it.

 

@womaninamber: I know this is super belated (haven't visited EC since my last post), but thank you so much for recommending Love Chunibyo and Other Delusions. I love, love, LOVE anime in school settings, so I'll be adding that series to my watch list. <3

And Integra Hellsing is awesome. Since you shared an anime character you find sexy, I'll share one, too: Kaname Chidori.

 

Jumping back on this thread too! I hope you're still considering getting yourself out there more! I'm making progress on it myself, the first one didn't work out but I still think there was some level of interest so that's encouraging to me! Friday I'm going to movie night at an lgbt event. I hope it's not all really young people, but if it is, oh well.

 

First step, drink a glass of water, 12 oz or more. Then go for a walk, 45 minutes or more. Repeat and repeat. What I'm saying is, exercise is 25% of making you feel better about yourself. Eat right - no junk food. Find support group. Find meditations group - mediates. If you have financial resources find a therapist. Some communities have therapist at very low cost.