What does it mean to be "out" as a bisexual person if you are married (happily, fulfilled, loving) and intending to stay that way? My bff and I were having a conversation that when we see gay/lesbian couples we get this urge to say, "Hey, I might look straight, but I feel you" which would obviously be totally weird. We sometimes feel like we are hiding behind a facade of straightness. For example, my son's preschool teacher from a few years ago is a lesbian and she and her partner are really sweet, and I'm friendly with them. It sometimes feels odd that since they are in a relationship (with the cutest kids) and mine looks straight that I know about them but they don't know about me. That said, I'm also not ready to be totally out to the world - especially my parents with whom I work - and I don't even having time to exercise let alone go to meet ups or anything. I also have some social anxiety, so it's really hard for me to motivate myself to go places where I don't know anyone else.
are there any situations in which it might come up in normal conversation? I think that being out is more about being honest and not by commission or omission deny who we are. So, not so much running around yelling "I'm bi," (though there could be some of that too if y'all want to attend some LGBT pride events, political rallies, social meetups, etc; but more of just being authentic in living and in conversations. So, if you're at a PTA meeting, just telling everyone, "hi, I'm Cindy and I'm bi" might not make so much sense; but if your son's pre-school teacher was talking about planning on going to the annual pride march, you might ask for more details, and tell her that you plan to attend to help get the good word out. Or if a friend is talking about the challenges of being a lesbian, it can be a good time to share your perspective as a bi person. It's just about being honest and authentic (and that's exactly the part that I'm struggling with!)
I was always open with my husband, his friends, and my friends about it. It's a big part of who I am. I always wore a rainbow cartilage earring, and LGBT-related rings, so I was visible, but didn't need to say anything out loud to strangers (which is awkward). The nice thing is, people who know nothing about this stuff don't get it anyway - my vibe was loud and clear to LGBTQ people, but homophobic-type people didn't really have a clue. When I got divorced (for unrelated reasons), being out already made the transition easy. I am still bi, but only interested in dating women because I find them more emotionally compatible, and I can still wear the same identifying gear. People who get it, will sometimes comment on it, but people who don't are clueless - which is fine because it's none of their business anyway. I am someone who is pretty vocal about my identity anyway though - except for putting myself in dangerous situations where I can be harmed, I willingly bring up my sexuality where it's relevant. To me, I always assume people can tell anyway, because I have a lot of mannerisms and things that I assume are rather obvious. But, sometimes people aren't as adept at the clues as I think they are, so perhaps some people are surprised. I don't like to talk about my personal life with people who are not in my personal life - that's private - but then again, I have always felt really uncomfortable when I can tell that people assume I'm straight, and I correct them wherever possible. People should not assume that just because I wear a skirt sometimes, or I have long hair, or I wear some makeup and act in a feminine manner sometimes, or because I had a husband, that I am 100% heterosexual. No more than they should assume what I like in bed with a man simply by looking at me. That is just silly. I am so tempted to tell elderly people who assume things about me, but I figure why rock the boat? Someday I'll probably crack and throw out a retort about how into women I am at some poor church-going 80 year old who says something about me needing a man. But I'm trying not to be spiteful - just because it might be fun to shock them doesn't mean I should upset their last days on Earth... All the important people in my life know anyway... and hopefully one of them will find a nice woman to hook me up with pronto! You can also watch gay-related stuff with the husband, march in Pride, hang out with LGBTQ friends, and in other ways lead a clearly bi (rather than purely hetero) life. You can also be out and open with your kids that sexuality is not always a straight line down the gay or hetero sides, which can help them navigate the complexity too. And you can give your pet a rainbow collar. There are plenty of ways to be out as a mixed- sexual orientation family.
funny thing is, you just never know how those older women will react. Sometimes they say some pretty funny things, and sometimes they get nostalgic and say how they didn't get those choices. A read a funny post here on EC where someone said an old woman saw two women kissing or holding hands or something like that (I forget exactly which), and she commented that if she had been pretty like them when she was young she wouldn't have had to marry a man. LOL. Guess we can't really assume things about anyone, even old church ladies. but it is the way of the world. people assume things about me all the time. :icon_wink
Yeah, I don't know what being bisexual means in day to day life. I'm always flirting with waitresses when my work friend and I got to lunch. If there were ever a cute waiter, I might flirt with my friend around. Now that I'm more comfortable in my own skin, I check out everybody and not afraid to hide that I am. I've got some smiles back from guys I've checked out too. Going to a LGBT meetup tonight (if I don't chicken out.) Not really sure what I'll get out of it, but I need to find some outlet in real life to meet interesting people. The dating/hookup sites are showing limited opportunities to make friends. That said, I have met a couple nice guys, and gone out on lunch dates with them. Setting up the right expectations help, I've been upfront with them about where I am in life, and what I'm looking for right now. Mostly from the standpoint of not being ready to be in a serious relationship. Long term, I have no idea. Do I date men and women at the same time? Do I get involved and committed with only one person (male or female?) Monogamy never felt right to me in my marriage, I was always looking and wanting to act on my impulses. I don't know what to do at this point in my life.
