A psychologist by the name of Arthur Aron asked a (deceivingly) simple question: can you make people fall in love? This article lays it all out, including a link to 36 questions that a couple can ask each other, followed by a four-minute session of looking into each other's eyes. The idea with these 36 questions and the eye contact, in essence, is to accelerate the process of self-disclosure, which in turn accelerates the time to mutual vulnerability, an essential component for any healthy relationship to begin and to endure. I intend to try this...:icon_wink
This is a little scary. What if you successfully did it with someone who you really shouldn't be with?
Hmm, if you can make yourself fall in love with a series of questions and a staring contest, wouldn't that invalidate the entire LGBT movement?
greatwhale, I was just reading that same article last night! I am totally going to use these questions with the, "Are we just friends or more than friends?" guy I am hanging out with a lot right now.
A gay friend liked the article on Facebook this morning, went looking for the story tonight, gave up and thought I would see what everyone is doing on EC.
I don't think it is that powerful, lol! It would be akin to the mythical love-potion! This is most appropriate with someone with whom one already has some attraction to, and vice versa. A question and answer session like this resembles an in-depth interview, but it builds something special between two people...I guess it is simply a more "efficient" and comprehensive way of getting down to business and mutually reaching that vulnerable stage earlier, while finding out about both your potential partner and yourself in the process. Whatever you both learn while doing this will clarify whether or not you want to be with this person for the longer term, while setting a beautiful foundation for a kind of intimacy that is rather rare (when it works, of course).
A lot of the questions are ones I'd ask if I were dating someone. I imagine over the course of three meetings and fully discussing the questions it might be a little intense. If this were to occur too soon then it might even be off putting. It's certainly worth a shot. Probably not that different than what be found on a dating sight.
We read the same articles, greatwhale! I was pondering this topic, and was really curious about Aron's "eye" research. My college roommate is now married to a fantastic woman, but he had a lot of... umm... not so hot women in his life. He said, "when someone shows attraction toward you, you see them differently." I guess I can "see" that, so to speak. But recently I found one who I like in so many ways. He's brilliant, clearly values me as a friend and neighbour, we have many shared interests, we the same age, and we're both single. But I can't feel microgram of attraction. I even tried looking in his eyes, and I tried this after a couple of drinks. Nope. As much as I'm desperate, I just can't fall for him. The other is a friend-of-a-friend, and I met him today for the first time. He's ten years older than I am, a decent person. But we're hardly a match. I'd love to talk to him him more, get to know him, but I don't feel anything. Nothing at all. My friends have long thought that I'm secretly straight. (They finally admitted this to me a couple of years ago.) No, that's not it. I guarantee that. But given a choice between "hooking up" with one of these guys and staying at home, playing with my dog, and reading or watching TV... well... the dog wins. The hard part is statistics. I feel compelled to somehow find attraction because there just aren't enough gay guys to go around. But no matter how long the "staring contest" lasts, I'm not going to fall for either of these guys.
Love just happens. I didn't try to fall in love with my best friend and writing partner, we just clicked and it happened. If she didn't live on the opposite side of the continent, we would be together now, but neither one of us can do that. I am still married and she owns a business. So I ended it. We still talk, and neither one of us has gotten over each other, but circumstances won't let us be together.
Yep, if the attraction isn't mutual, then no amount of staring into each other's eyes will do it, (other than being totally super awkward)! :eek: So try it with the dog!
I'm terrified of making eye contact, I've actually never stared into someone's eyes before, but maybe I'll get to do it with the right guy some day.
