I have made this promise to myself before, but I actually intend on keeping it now. I'm going to try to distance myself from the friend I've fallen in love with. Last night I was having a girl's night with a different friend who is now local to me. We were drinking and I nervously told her about the situation, I needed someone to talk to and I've known this girl for 5+ years. She was actually really cool about it and even confided in me that she had once had a relationship with a female friend. The entire time I'm with her, my other lady friend is blowing up my phone with texts (she knew I was with her) and telling me "don't have too much fun without me," telling me it is late and I should be going home, etc. I guess it just made me realize that this girl is going to keep breaking my heart, and nothing else. I really don't think she means to, I think she's scared and conflicted, and she's told me a thousand times she doesn't want to hurt me. She probably doesn't realize how much it DOES hurt me, because she doesn't understand how much I love her. But she's comfortable with her life and I think I was just a fleeting fantasy that came true, and it scared her. Now she doesn't know how she feels, but I'm thousands of miles away and I need to take this opportunity to "let it go." Especially until I figure out what I'm doing in my marriage and who I AM exactly. And it feels so good that one of my true friends who is removed from the situation now knows. I feel like she's going to be there for me to help me handle it... The thing I'm struggling with is HOW to handle this. The girl I'm in love with and I are part of a really tight knit group of friends. They have no idea what happened between us, and we all talk to each other often despite the distance. I still do want to be her friend, but I'm not sure how to separate that from my feelings. Do I just not respond when she makes confusing comments? I know this texting a million times a day thing has to stop... I don't really want to talk to her about it, because we've talked and talked about it and I'm just done having this conversation with her. I need to take some sort of action to free myself from these feelings so I can think clearly....
I'm glad you found someone to talk to and support you through this. Its hard to just ignore your "friend" and not talk to her suddenly. You may try it gradually. Reduce texting and instead of replying to all texts do every two or three ones. Stair conversations to general topics you talk about with other friends. You know that staying a long time in the closet give us the great ability to conceal our feelings so use it. It seems your friend want to have both worlds and you seems an honest person its not fair to you.
If she can't respect your boundaries, you are going to have to enforce them for her. Blocking her texts would be an extreme measure, but if they are bothering you that much, they are bordering on harassment.
So far so good. No contact yesterday. One step at a time... I'm a very physical person so this time of self-discovery is going to be very difficult for me! But one day at a time, right?
Try to keep in mind how much you talk with other people in the group and what types of things you talk about. If you do talk with her, keep the conversation on those types of topics. You can explain that to her as well. It isn't safe for you (or your feelings) to act in certain ways with her (at least right now). You need to figure out what you want and how you feel and then you can decide how you are planning to move forward.
