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I am getting divorced

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by BlackCat3929, Jan 14, 2015.

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  1. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    Well, it was bound to happen I guess. I'm sick of being taken for granted and I'm gay, so everything blew up tonight at home. But....on a good note....got lucky otherwise and was told I'm a pleaser. :slight_smile:
     
    #1 BlackCat3929, Jan 14, 2015
  2. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
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    Hi, are you ok?
     
    #2 CyclingFan, Jan 15, 2015
  3. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    [GVIDEO][/GVIDEO]Hi Cycling. I'm doing alright considering. He is angry as was to be expected, but I cant keep lying to myself and not admiting to to world I'm gay. I got real pissed myself....left the house to clear my head and went out. Called my cousin, she told me if I want to come home (to Seattle) I can crash on her couch. She there for me and we gotta talk more....she also told me to start dating and get my girl, screw what anyone else in the family says.
     
    #3 BlackCat3929, Jan 15, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2015
  4. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
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    Glad to hear you're ok.

    So my path has been a little different, but that experience does make me think that you are at a place that will be helpful for you.
     
    #4 CyclingFan, Jan 15, 2015
  5. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    Thank you, and I do appreciate it. I imagine I'll need all the support I can get
     
    #5 BlackCat3929, Jan 15, 2015
  6. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    Congratulations on making the big move. It's a rough patch, I'm sure, but it sounds like your head is really in the right place. I'm glad you have a place to stay, and especially that you will be staying with someone supportive. You're moving on with the rest of your life. for a while, you'll only be able to think and talk about this past chapter. but soon, your life will be filled with new experiences and new people. good luck1 (&&&)
     
    #6 Wildside, Jan 15, 2015
  7. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Sounds like it went bad, but I wish you all the happiness in the world once you are able to move on.
     
    #7 Fallingdown7, Jan 15, 2015
  8. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    What made this hard was how much my mother, sister and one of my closest cousins really like my husband...but after the argument yesterday which led to putting everything out there and telling him if I wasn't married to him I would no doubt be gay. I was tired of being taken for granted all the time (see another reply of mine about the circumstances I've been dealing with the past several years) I gave up having kids because he didn't want them, we moved to phoenix because he wanted to move to Phoenix, and just a whole lot of little stuff. Add to that I'm coming to grips with ny sexuality, it was a powderkeg. Now I'll probably have to sell my house and figure out how to move back to Seattle
     
    #8 BlackCat3929, Jan 15, 2015
  9. bi2me

    bi2me
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    It sounds like it was a difficult conversation, but it also sounds as though sexuality was only one part of your decision. Good luck moving forward. I hope it only gets easier.
     
    #9 bi2me, Jan 15, 2015
  10. Nickinthemiddle

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    It sounds like a myriad of different ways that you were compromising yourself, not just your identity. I hope that you can navigate the separation process as cleanly as possible so that you can move on to the fulfillment of your true self. Stay true to you! Best wishes(*hug*)
     
    #10 Nickinthemiddle, Jan 15, 2015
  11. kindy14

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    BlackCat, I can so relate to your pain and suffering. 21 years in a marriage where I didn't really fully participate emotionally. Constantly compromising who I was to please her, and not make waves. Constantly feeling like I wasn't in control of my own life.

    You've got the guts to make it through all these life decisions. You've done the hardest part, being true to yourself. Everything from here is a better place then the dark closet you've kept yourself in.
     
    #11 kindy14, Jan 16, 2015
  12. Genesman71

    Genesman71
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    Just take it all one step at a time! You made the correct decision. A weight is now off of your shoulder. Now establish yourself in your "new" life. Onward and upward as one of my told me! :thumbsup:
     
    #12 Genesman71, Jan 16, 2015
  13. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    So...today I'm getting a tattoo and....ugh....getting two strategic piercings.
     
    #13 BlackCat3929, Jan 16, 2015
  14. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    Cool, I've been contemplating both, but I've never really been a self-modifier.

    More details though, I love seeing good ink on people.
     
    #14 kindy14, Jan 16, 2015
  15. oldladynewlez

    oldladynewlez
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    Sounds like a bad situation that may work out well. I'm sure divorce is in my future, I just hope he won't give me a bunch of shit. I haven't come out to hubby yet but expecting the worst.
    I got my first 2 tats last weekend. Hurt like hell but well worth it. Maybe I was making a statement of change within me by doing that but I'm glad. May get 1 more.
    At any rate, good luck to you and go get 'em.
     
    #15 oldladynewlez, Jan 16, 2015
  16. Nickinthemiddle

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    Awesome! May I ask what you're getting? Love to see them :slight_smile:
     
    #16 Nickinthemiddle, Jan 16, 2015
  17. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    Using my phone so I can't post the pic, but I looked up dragons and Lesbian tattoos. Found a really nicely done rainbow coloring Chinese symbol of love and a serpentine Dragon with rainbow coloring in the body....that or a plain black dragon. And I'm getting my nipples pierced.


    Also, in conversation with a few of my closer coworkers...mainly a few of the really cute twentysomethings that work in the salon and spa of the resort I work at....now know I am gay and available....options look up...I'm not a cougar if I'm not over 40 right?


    And my cousins....are so damn funny as are the girls at work....they keep saying now I can get pregnant and they have been bugging me about sperm banks and all that. They are plotting on me already and I don't even have a partner yet!
     
    #17 BlackCat3929, Jan 16, 2015
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  18. Nickinthemiddle

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    Yay! I got an inverted black triangle for feminism, but it also kind of doubles for lesbian, so I already sort of did brand myself for lesbianism. Nipple rings are fun! Seriously! A bit of a pinch for a lifetime of fun. I have three roses on each shoulder, each a color of the rainbow, and I did that while I considered myself bi... repressed a bit much haha. I don't think you're a cougar in your 30's, well I hope not, cause then I would be too. 30 is the new 20. So the magazines say. Let us know whatever you get :wink: I think the rainbow love sounds pretty :slight_smile:
     
    #18 Nickinthemiddle, Jan 16, 2015
  19. BlackCat3929

    BlackCat3929
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    Well, last night was good. I think the initial shock of my coming out as gay to my husband has settled, and by the end of the night he was consoling me while I was crying about not wanting to hurt him but this is something I have to do. Turns out he spoke to a lesbian coworker of his and she is going to help kind of guide me through the process of coming out. Are people shocked? Yes, but it seems I'm finding support in the places I least expected. I mean by all accounts I never expected my husband to turn into my wingman....but hell this proves why it was so hard. He is a good guy and while I am no longer in love with him in that way I still love him.


    Oh, and didn't get the tat yet, couldn't find the damn shop my friend recommended...so I bought some new toys.
     
    #19 BlackCat3929, Jan 17, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2015
  20. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    So happy that everything is working out so well with your husband. And good decision not to rush the tattoo until you can get to an artist that you can really trust. nothing worse than looking at that tattoo and realizing that it was a mistake.
     
    #20 Wildside, Jan 17, 2015
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