My husband already knows that I had feelings for one of my female friends. Last night I told him that I can't get my mind off of being with a woman. At first he was acting like it was a turn on, and then I stopped him and made clear I wasn't speaking lightly. He asked me, "Are you going to tell me you're a lesbian and up and leave?" I told him no, but there was definitely some hesitation that he picked up on. I wish I could have said, "I don't know," which would have been the truth, but I just couldn't get the words out. He came to me later in the evening, hugged me, and said, "I love you so much, and I never want you to feel like you have to keep anything from me." Which just makes this all even more heartbreaking.
I feel for you, it's so confusing when you have these feelings and are married. I'm 18 months on from you. It sounds like at the moment your husband is supportive. That's good, I hope he can give you some time to work out who you are and what you want. (*hug*)
Oh God you so brave to do that, but now it's on the open its sure is something good. Now you need to focus on yourself and what you want and how to reach it. I hope your husband continue his positive reaction and be supportive.
I feel for you truly on this. While my husband did know I was bi, I've never acted on my desires for women until a few weeks ago...when I went to a strip club. There was no denying it now. I'm gay. But even then I kept trying to tell myself I said I do and that's a commitment, but its not enough. To lie to ourselves only hurts us in the end. You know and I know this isn't easy, but it is necessary.
as a gay person, I can honestly say that I could not really make a valid commitment to a heterosexual marriage. I might have thought that I could, but that was because I did not have enough experience to know who and what I was at that time. Congratulations on having the courage to be so honest with your husband. It is always said when we miss opportunities to be more honest, but our brains just don't work fast enough sometimes and we react the way that we always have in the past. It takes practice and time to get instinctively honest. the great thing is that he has told you that you can be honest with him. good luck!
I admire your strength in doing that. I really do. I still need to tell mine and I just can't get up the guts. I hate to hurt him but I can't help that. I would like us to at least be friends but I don't know. When he's not here I just cry my eyes out about all of this and how it will affect him. I told my son and d-in-law and they were really cool about it. Maybe he will be. too. Anyway, be strong. My heart goes out to you. Hugs
You are very brave. I waffled back and forth for awhile myself. But you are doing your best to be honest and that's really brave of you. It's so conflicting when you finally realize why the man you love, you can't love him the way you're 'supposed' to... it's not your fault. You are trying your best and we're here for you (*hug*)
The fact that you started the conversation is a huge step! What you decide to do next is up to both of you. Are you happy in your marriage? Attracted to him? In love with him? Would he allow you to explore this? Would you allow him the same? People on EC have all kinds of marital arrangements from divorcing partners, to open marriages, and everything in between. Lots of people to get ideas from
I'm not sure where we stand. We will be starting therapy and I'm sure this will all come out. The problem with an open marriage, for me, is that I'm emotional and fall in love easily. For something like that to work, I'd have to set up clear boundaries, but I doubt my husband would be open to that because he knows how I am and that I'd inevitably fall in love. Am I in love with him? I really don't know. I love him, but there's not that sexual attraction that I crave. Is it just because we've been married for 10 years and have the stresses of life and having young kids? Maybe. But I feel that it's more than that, especially since recent events have just opened up something I know I've squashed for well over a decade. That's my fault. Thanks everyone for offering a shoulder while I sort through this.
That is really brave for sure! I am wanting to tell my wife the same thing. I have thought about telling her that I am bi. The problem is that I don't know whether I am gay or bi. She would surely ask if I was gay and there would be that hesitation. That hesitation is where so much weight lies. A big part of me just wants to be out and with a man. It is such a struggle.
Richie, I'm starting to realize that! Every time we talk about it, I feel both better and worse. That makes no sense, but there's no other way to describe it.
that definitely makes sense. wow, it really says a lot. if a spouse is supportive, as yours is, I think that would make me feel better that I could be so open and honest, and yet I would be weighed down by the grief of the relationship with this good person changing. Heck, I would feel that way even in the relationship wasn't as good as yours. I guess that there is always both good and bad in relationships, and these are moments when we can really grieve for the good parts. Not that this is your situation, but it's what your words made me think about as I reflected on them. thanks for sharing this with us! (&&&)
I cosign with Wildside. I feel the same way better and worse. Better because every 'aha!' makes me understand myself better and he is supporting the 'aha!' along with me. Worse because we're counting down every moment now that our houses will separate into two. Thanks for posting, I really feel like as we come here to let out our feelings we're helping other people who can see themselves reflected (*hug*)
