kind of a rough day. I read the first post here on EC that made me angry...definitely not someone really looking for help or serious advice. I couldn't get it out of my head all day. Then just a little while ago a former student - he's 19 now - came to see me. He was pretty up set, broke into tears within the first 30 seconds. I just hugged him and held on until he let go...took a while and one very wet shoulder. He was one of "My Kids" in high school and shared a lot with me. Stayed at my house and had dinner with my family and stayed overnight a few times when his dad was on a rampage. This afternoon he came out to his dad as gay. I always had a pretty good idea that he was, after all I do know what to look for! He was one that I always had to watch myself around...he need someone pretty badly and I'd have liked to be that person, but that was not going to happen, for either of us. It scared me a little that he came to talk to me after his dad. His dad disowned him. Stood right there while he loaded everything he owned into his car and drove off. (Mom passed away about six years ago). I don't think that I ever gave him any hint that I might be gay. I know I sure worked hard not to...a 16 year old (at that time) and a teacher...not so good. I guess he came to our house just because he didn't know where else to go and felt safe here. We'll let him stay until mid-week when he goes back to his job (out of state). I told him about EC....please be thinking of him. I don't think he'll do anything to hurt him self...but he sure is one hurting kid right now. I'm sorry to take up your time with something that's not (at least not yet) a EC problem or letter or whatever...but I had to share it with someone...I hurt for him and can do so little to help. Thanks for listening and thanks again and again to EC for being here.
I will keep him in my thoughts. I currently have a young lady who is living with my daughter & I, who came out to her parents and they rejected her. I am the mother of 3 adult daughters, 1 of whom is lesbian, and I can not ever imagine rejecting any of them! Soo amazing of you to be there for this young man.
How traumatising for that guy. How sad - every time this happens - makes me wonder if society has not progressed at all in the last 30 years. And thank heavens you were there to be that shoulder to cry on. Well done you!
That's a beautiful thing. I've been seeing online that a good majority of homeless youth are LGBT+ that came out to their parents and were thrown out. They need people like yall. You are angels to these kids.
Sorry you're having such a bad day, quebec. I don't know what post you saw, but there was someone posting on a couple threads who seemed like he was just there to be an ass. Almost everyone on EC has been so nice. But for those who are not, you can select ignore, and you won't see any more of their posts. In any group of human beings, I guess we have to accept that there will be some that just cross the boundaries We can try our best to make sure that's not us, though. (*hug*)
Thanks All....got up this morning feeling better. Let the kid sleep in, I think he really needs it. Oatmeal and toast when he gets up, unless it's noon!!
You're a special person, and the kid is blessed to have someone like you in his life. It's a terribly sad situation. My mother gave me a choice to stay or be cutoff from the family, a generous cheque and another city. My father died the year before and I'm an only child. I had a choice; kept me in a panic room rather than a closet, but I think given the times and such that it was more a gesture of "tough love". I'll never be sure as it was never again discussed. So I have some empathy with what he truly has to face. My thoughts and prayers and prayers are with you both.
Call his parents. Anyone here brave enough to guess his real age? How often have you visited a teacher after having graduated and cried on his shoulder?
Please try to keep tabs on this kid for a while and -- if it's possible for you and your family -- let him know he's always welcome there. Once the initial shock of being disowned settles in his mind, things on the surface may seem fine when you talk to him; keep in mind though this is something that will stay with him the rest of his life, regardless if he and his father ever reconcile someday. This is a fundamental breach of how we're brought up expecting family and relationships to work, it's going to take time and probably some therapy along the way for him to find his way forward in a healthy way. Having you there along side him supporting and accepting him can go a long way to help him rebuild his sense of self.
I text or call, whatever everyday or two. He's still having a rough time. It helped a lot though that he had basically moved out of his house already. He had a small loft where he worked so he did at least have a place to go to. But it was still wrenching to be throwout of the home that you grew up in. I think one of the very difficult things for him was having to leave the house where the memories of his mother were. But he is tough....he's had to be over the years and I'm sure he'll make it. It's a little tricky trying to support him and give him advice without giving my self away, but you know, in his case I don't think I'd care if he knew that I was gay too,.....if he kept his mouth closed. We'll see what time brings us.....David
That's a rough one. I've though a lot about that over the years (many years) and the answer was always some form of "No" either as if it was a pretty stupid joke or as if the person asking was seriously stupid, etc. Therefore I've avoided it. I still have the issues that I must face with my situation (see early posts) so I don't think I can come out now or probably ever, unless somehow there is a pretty significant change. After 50+ years of hiding I have become very, very good at it. My biggest thrill, though, has been finding EC on Christmas day...now that was a present! It has helped me enormously. I care a lot (not sexually) for that kid, let's face it he's like one of my own...could I lie to him? Wow, I don't think so. But I could ask him to let my private life be just that, private. That's the answer that I have thought that I might have to use some day when someone too important to me to lie to might ask. I'm hoping that it will suffice. David
I am sorry that you can't be as honest with him as he has been with you, but I understand that not everyone is free to live their life authentically because of the faults of others. I hope he doesn't ask, because you will be unable to be the "gay adult friend" he probably needs right now, but you are helping him anyway as best you can; maybe that will be enough for him until he has time to expand his support network.
